Hi everyone. After reading through some of your posts I have decided to give this a try. I am in my mid 30s in a 12 year marriage that has been been burdened by infidelity, lies, and secrets. Just the other day the struggles came to a head and I finally went full transparency and put all the skeletons on the table. The final one being I still secretly viewed and used porn after having a heart to heart with my wife about it 10 years ago. She thought it was gone. That was not the truth. I have not viewed or used porn for my benefit in a while now but it may just as well have been the other day when this secret came out. The secrecy is the damning part in the relationship, but I am still in her eyes watching this stuff. Even though I am not she wants proof. She wants to know that I am not hiding it. Are there any suggestions you all may have?

I do feel that this is an addiction as I had continued to use and view it. I feel confident today that I can control myself enough to not relapse. My struggle with the porn is even if I stop viewing it, does the part of my brain that has been wired wrong reset? I'm a person who is ashamed easy, creates thoughts in my head, and has many insecurities and hangups that I know are fabricated and this stuff did not help it. I have a loving and willing wife who always has been there in my need, she even offers alternatives that i dont take up because the act of self pleasure in her presence was shameful, unnerving, etc. To me. I do not know why.

So with my story partially said i want to know if anyone here has had any success with getting their spouse to understand and believe and trust that it's not happening anymore? What has recovery been like? What are some good tricks to avoiding the urge should they come up? I have faith in my willpower but anything can happen and I dont want it to. Lastly has anyone had success rebuilding a relationship with their spouse when porn and the use of it was the means of release at times more often then the real thing?

GatorBait