Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.

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/ Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

couples therapy

EmTheo
EmTheo
My h and I have been going to couples counseling sessions for about 6 weeks now. We are going to a therapist who was recommended to me by a few different women in my s-anon group. The fact that we finally found a therapist we both feel comfortable with and is very familiar with sex-addiction is huge to me. We've been to some (I felt) flaky counselors that recommended that I just learn to accept open marriage as a solution for us. It took us a loooong time to make it this far in our journey towards healing. The fact that it took us so long to get here really makes me appreciate our therapist and us being there together. The last session on Friday was scheduled for an hour but things were so raw and emotional at the end of the hour he asked us if we could stay for a second hour so we did. My h basically opened up and admitted to a problem with SA. He hasn't done that before with me... he has always pretty much maintained that he is entitled to porn and we simply have a difference in values. Since the session on Friday I have felt a lightness in my heart I haven't felt in a long time. After the sessions he has often been verbally combative with me but on friday he was thoughtful and saying things like "____ was the hardest thing for me to say, what was the hardest thing for you to say?" Totally cool for me to hear this kind of questioning from him. He also said he wants to be sure that we don't miss our appt on Friday. So I am looking forward to it, but kind of unsure what the next step is for us. What do you think is important he hears from me at this stage? I'm also wondering about some of this being dealt with in a couples session... it almost seems like he needs to be in individual counseling or at a meeting talking with other addicts, but he's not there yet...
flutterbyfly
flutterbyfly
I'm very happy for you both that you are taking these steps. It was a huge thing he did by admitting he has a problem. And a huge step for you to be there for him and be willing to go through counseling/recovery with him. We are all here to support you all in your journey!
drizzle
drizzle
The fact that you have not only made the jump to seek counseling, but have stayed with it, speaks volumes to the stability of your relationship. Often one partner or the other is reluctant to go. Therapy is a highly invasive enterprise that is often less than comfortable, but that is where the healing is. Congratulations on taking the process this far. It is the ability and willingness to bend for each other, that, in the end provides the strength that will see a couple through to the better times.
ChooseThisDay
ChooseThisDay
What is important to hear from you? All men want respect from their wives. Sincere admiration for this huge step. Compassion for the pain that sex addiction is based on coping with, affection for a man you love, even after knowing his worst self, commitment that though your pain creates a want for safety and trust that is not quite complete in your relationship right now, you WANT to give him your heart, you want to give him all of you, you want all of him. And you are committed to pursuing deep oneness and intimacy with him.

That you very mock appreciate him admitting that he has a problem. And you want to help him. Like the scene in twister, you are going to strap yourselves to the pole of recovery, and though your going to be flapping in the wind your doing it together, and there will be a beautiful calm at the end.

That's what I want to hear from my wife. Hope.

Don't worry about the next step. God can do just fine without your help, sit back and expectantly watch what he does next. Enjoy the show! The Guy paints sunrises every day, you will be amazed at the beauty
He can paint into your marriage!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Am so pleased you are feeling like you are on the right path of recovery after a couple of wrong directions....and yes good on you guys both for continueing to work at it, no matter how hard it had gotten.
Continued strength xxxx
Learningskills
Learningskills
Em: Great!!!! Finally a valid counselor. and great...that things are moving forward. You asked, "What do you think is important he hears from me at this stage?" The truth. Your truth...whatever that is. Isn't that what you need from him too. The truth...is what sets us free!
EmTheo
EmTheo
Thanks for your replies and encouragement!!! I went into our latest session on Friday with all of them in mind. Another 2 hour appt. I've been praying to God all the time that truths will be revealed and healing will come to us. It was another good session of finding more clarity. At the end our therapist said he was impressed with all the hard work we are both doing and not every couple shows up ready to work this hard at it. Still wondering if he is just saying this to everyone...but it does feel good to hear it and it rings true I suppose. I replied that it has been a long time coming, that we have both been working through things independently from each other for the past few years and he said it shows. I'm still just kind of stunned about what is happening... i felt like we were stuck in our relationship for so long, I was starting to write off any kind of healing or recovery for us...