Sorry you're struggling with this problem. I did too. You asked, " After I put controls on the computer, he would just find other things to look at. Go Daddy, celebrities, etc. He would always say that all guys do it. Do they?"

The fact that he just found other things to look at is very telling isn't it? He has to find fault in what he's choosing to do and change that. No one can make those decisions for him. Not you, nor anyone else. All guys do it? Well, no, that's not true. And, how would he know? Does he know "all" guys? Does he know that in some parts of the world were anyone caught with such photos and the like they would immediately be be-headed? So, doesn't sound to me like "all" guys.

My H said the same thing to me. I asked him to speak only for himself as he is the only one he can speak for. So, in his case, it was "I" do it. I failed to see all other guys on the planet standing behind him in agreement. At the very least, when he spoke for himself, he was speaking from a place of actual knowing and truth, not from imaginary others.

I think that might be much like my saying that "all" women take issue with porn. Not all do. So, I don't speak for them. I do, however, speak for myself. And "I" do take issue. And, I'm the only one who matters where "my" life is concerned. So, even "if" "all" other women thought it was A-ok, I wouldn't. And, since I'm the woman he was living with, it is my thoughts and feelings that matter.

That being true, then it is also easy for me to deduce that "he" thinks and feels as he does, and for him that is what matters. So, taking in that "he" feels it's ok for him, allows me to just let him be him. And, since we are at extreme odds on that issue, then I feel that he has the right to do as he wishes with his life. I also have the right to do anything I wish with mine.


So, it came down to this between the two of us. Were he to place that activity in a priority position over our relationship (which was suffering due to his choice of behavior) then "I" would have to choose to leave the relationship. In "my" case, that behavior is too distressing. That behavior outweighed the other positive factors in the relationship. So, for me, it was a deal-breaker.

Consequently, I chose to share the truth with him. I understand that you have the right to live any way you choose...singularly. But, if you choose to continue that behavior, though you know it is hurtful to me, we will have to call it a day..."my" choice. Or, you can determine that the relationship is more valuable to your life than that behavior, and we can lead a "non-singular" life...together. So, you do have a choice to make. And, I want you to understand that I expect a clear choice. And, if I'm not your choice, ok, go live your life in that way that pleases you more.

I'd have to ask this, "you shared that he would just find other things to look at. And, yo shared that he's been swearing that he doesn't have any more problem. So, which do you believe it is? Has it "gone away?" Has he stopped? Or do you believe he is just finding other things to look at?

Sorry you're struggling with this problem. I did too. You asked, " After I put controls on the computer, he would just find other things to look at. Go Daddy, celebrities, etc. He would always say that all guys do it. Do they?"

The fact that he just found other things to look at is very telling isn't it? He has to find fault in what he's choosing to do and change that. No one can make those decisions for him. Not you, nor anyone else. All guys do it? Well, no, that's not true. And, how would he know? Does he know "all" guys? Does he know that in some parts of the world were anyone caught with such photos and the like they would immediately be be-headed? So, doesn't sound to me like "all" guys.

My H said the same thing to me. I asked him to speak only for himself as he is the only one he can speak for. So, in his case, it was "I" do it. I failed to see all other guys on the planet standing behind him in agreement. At the very least, when he spoke for himself, he was speaking from a place of actual knowing and truth, not from imaginary others.

I think that might be much like my saying that "all" women take issue with porn. Not all do. So, I don't speak for them. I do, however, speak for myself. And "I" do take issue. And, I'm the only one who matters where "my" life is concerned. So, even "if" "all" other women thought it was A-ok, I wouldn't. And, since I'm the woman he was living with, it is my thoughts and feelings that matter.

That being true, then it is also easy for me to deduce that "he" thinks and feels as he does, and for him that is what matters. So, taking in that "he" feels it's ok for him, allows me to just let him be him. And, since we are at extreme odds on that issue, then I feel that he has the right to do as he wishes with his life. I also have the right to do anything I wish with mine.


So, it came down to this between the two of us. Were he to place that activity in a priority position over our relationship (which was suffering due to his choice of behavior) then "I" would have to choose to leave the relationship. In "my" case, that behavior is too distressing. That behavior outweighed the other positive factors in the relationship. So, for me, it was a deal-breaker.

Consequently, I chose to share the truth with him. I understand that you have the right to live any way you choose...singularly. But, if you choose to continue that behavior, though you know it is hurtful to me, we will have to call it a day..."my" choice. Or, you can determine that the relationship is more valuable to your life than that behavior, and we can lead a "non-singular" life...together. So, you do have a choice to make. And, I want you to understand that I expect a clear choice. And, if I'm not your choice, ok, go live your life in that way that pleases you more.

I'd have to ask this, "you shared that he would just find other things to look at. And, yo shared that he's been swearing that he doesn't have any more problem. So, which do you believe it is? Has it "gone away?" Has he stopped? Or do you believe he is just finding other things to look at?

Sorry you're struggling with this problem. I did too. You asked, " After I put controls on the computer, he would just find other things to look at. Go Daddy, celebrities, etc. He would always say that all guys do it. Do they?"

The fact that he just found other things to look at is very telling isn't it? He has to find fault in what he's choosing to do and change that. No one can make those decisions for him. Not you, nor anyone else. All guys do it? Well, no, that's not true. And, how would he know? Does he know "all" guys? Does he know that in some parts of the world were anyone caught with such photos and the like they would immediately be be-headed? So, doesn't sound to me like "all" guys.

My H said the same thing to me. I asked him to speak only for himself as he is the only one he can speak for. So, in his case, it was "I" do it. I failed to see all other guys on the planet standing behind him in agreement. At the very least, when he spoke for himself, he was speaking from a place of actual knowing and truth, not from imaginary others.

I think that might be much like my saying that "all" women take issue with porn. Not all do. So, I don't speak for them. I do, however, speak for myself. And "I" do take issue. And, I'm the only one who matters where "my" life is concerned. So, even "if" "all" other women thought it was A-ok, I wouldn't. And, since I'm the woman he was living with, it is my thoughts and feelings that matter.

That being true, then it is also easy for me to deduce that "he" thinks and feels as he does, and for him that is what matters. So, taking in that "he" feels it's ok for him, allows me to just let him be him. And, since we are at extreme odds on that issue, then I feel that he has the right to do as he wishes with his life. I also have the right to do anything I wish with mine.


So, it came down to this between the two of us. Were he to place that activity in a priority position over our relationship (which was suffering due to his choice of behavior) then "I" would have to choose to leave the relationship. In "my" case, that behavior is too distressing. That behavior outweighed the other positive factors in the relationship. So, for me, it was a deal-breaker.

Consequently, I chose to share the truth with him. I understand that you have the right to live any way you choose...singularly. But, if you choose to continue that behavior, though you know it is hurtful to me, we will have to call it a day..."my" choice. Or, you can determine that the relationship is more valuable to your life than that behavior, and we can lead a "non-singular" life...together. So, you do have a choice to make. And, I want you to understand that I expect a clear choice. And, if I'm not your choice, ok, go live your life in that way that pleases you more.

I'd have to ask this, "you shared that he would just find other things to look at. And, yo shared that he's been swearing that he doesn't have any more problem. So, which do you believe it is? Has it "gone away?" Has he stopped? Or do you believe he is just finding other things to look at?

This computer is duplicating. don't know why...sorry!

This computer is duplicating. don't know why...sorry!

I wouldn't say all guys do it. But most do. At least most of the guys I've ever talked to or read about. Males are driven by sexual imagery much much more than females. We are visual creatures. We are also driven by nature to fertilize as many females as possible, therefore we get a chemical reward in our brain when we look at several different women. The woman we are with could be the sexiest woman on the planet in our eyes, but we get a chemical reward in our brain if we look at another woman, even if she's not as attractive. It's simple evolution. If you introduce the internet with it's limitless amount of women this mechanism in our brains reaches the levels of other drugs. We can become addicted. To me it's not different than alcohol, nicotine, weed, cocaine, etc.
If used in moderation it can have several benefits like most of the drugs I listed above. If used too much, addiction.

The problem with humans is that we are genetically programmed to want this drug. We aren't born craving alcohol or marijuana, but we are programmed to desire sex. Heavily. Combine that with the fact that pornography addiction is something that is not much discussed can make it a very dangerous combo. Everyone knows if you drink too much alcohol you can become an alcoholic. I'd say most don't know or believe pornography can be addictive, until they are addicted. Sometimes not even then.

I think the question you need answered is: Is he addicted or is he someone who uses in moderation and doesn't believe he should not watch?

Star: I think that either way, interest, or addiction, (one leads often to the other), it's bad for most relationships. So, though the experience "might" be different for the "addict" for want of a better word, there is little if any difference for their significant other. I suspect the difference or merely semantics. Or, at the very least, indistinguishable to me personally. See, lies, deception, and manipulation are unacceptable to me, no matter the intial cause,

As far as evolution is concerned, you're likely somewhat correct. I find it's also interesting to note that biologically, genetically, evolutionary, a human female of this species (unique), is able to repetitively engage in sexual activitity to climas...back to back...little or nor refractory phase. I suspect that might indicate perhaps that "she" is liable, if she doesn't use her frontal lobe where reasoning is located (more highly evolved than the animal brain you mention), to have back to back "engagements." I suppose thereby ensuring a fertile male?

Do you perceive that as acceptable too...for a woman with a frontal lobe? It has been my experience that many men would like to use biology as an explanation for certain behaviors and seems indicatory of a lazy frontal lobe use from my perspective? And, that when informed regarding the unique capabilities of human females, they are not quite as willing to accept biology as "acceptable."

And, did you know that a human female has the "only" specialized organ specially designed for climax? Men don't. Nor do other species. So, if there is a difference biologically, withstanding frontal lobe envolvement, a female is far better equipped to engage in infidilities. And, would that then be viewed as unacceptable "relationship" behavior, simple biology, or addiction?