Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.

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Boyfriend with a fetish

lefleurdelis
lefleurdelis

I have a boyfriend overseas who has a few addiction issues. One I have noticed that has come out of the woodwork is porn. Now  I really don't care if he casually surfs porn or fantasizes or masturbates. We are far away from each other and cannot physically be together. It is clear now his computer is loaded with porn and gifs which he will send to me out of the blue. His obsession is penis size, he is fascinated by large penises even though his is quite normal. He said it turns him on to see a girls reaction to a large penis. When I told him I was uncomfortable with it he apologizes and says it is only because he is damaged from being a bachelor for 35 years. That it will change once we are together and have each other in person,  he won't need it. Like I say I'm pretty relaxed about it but he cannot stop his size fantasy. So when we are exchanging romantic texts, he veers off from the topic of us and sends me a pic of a penis and asks me if i would measure it... he is obsessed that it has to be 12 inches. What am I to make of this behavior??? Any ideas? I often feel like once he gets excited, it is him and his fetish and I feel forgotten in the conversation... 

dlansky
dlansky
"Please don't send me any more penis pictures" is a pretty reasonable request. If he doesn't respect your wishes enough to accommodate that, I think you should seriously consider whether this guy is a good match for you.
recklesslypursued
recklesslypursued
I'm a big believer in seeking first to understand. As a recovering addict myself, I know that, for me, any level of indictment (whether intended or not) put me in defense mode. That said, perhaps asking your bf why he feels compelled to send you those types of pics. When I was lost in my addiction, I know that I had no idea what intimacy was and sex was the only way I knew to be intimate. Given he's thousands of miles away, there is always the aspect of his "need" for sexual gratification but my presumption is that he's in greater need for loving intimacy. Perhaps you asking why he sends you those pics could spurn a deeper conversation regarding his definition of intimacy and more so, his needs. Praying that the Lord provides you with wisdom and discernment.
lefleurdelis
lefleurdelis
Reckless: Thanks, that was actually very helpful advice. He is such a sweet guy but is so used to being alone. He is so romantic and sweet and definitely lonely and depressed... he has told me to bear with this perversion, that it is his lack of a real relationship that has made him seek out unhealthy things. He had stopped sending me the pics. I did talk to him the other day and he understood my feelings completely but it's true, I'd like to know where his head is at with this fetish. Thanks again for the great words of advice!!!