Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
I am curious, are you really saying you do not want to be intimate? Or is this a way you do not want to be sexual. Sex is part of intimacy but NOT all of it. I think 'whole' sex is the result of intimacy, not the definition of it. Here is the actual definition.
intimate 1 (nt-mt)
adj.
1. Marked by close acquaintance, association, or familiarity.
2. Relating to or indicative of one's deepest nature: intimate prayers.
3. Essential; innermost: the intimate structure of matter.
4. Marked by informality and privacy: an intimate nightclub.
5. Very personal; private: an intimate letter.
6. Of or involved in a sexual relationship.
So to rephrase, when a spouse says they are not ready to be intimate, are they saying they are not ready to have a close association, familiarity, relating their deepest nature, being essential, and relating their innermost matters, being very close, and having sex in this context?
I am not suggesting that you should not keep your distance from an unsafe person is wrong. But a year of sobriety is huge. If you don't want intimacy with that person, why stay?
intimate 1 (nt-mt)
adj.
1. Marked by close acquaintance, association, or familiarity.
2. Relating to or indicative of one's deepest nature: intimate prayers.
3. Essential; innermost: the intimate structure of matter.
4. Marked by informality and privacy: an intimate nightclub.
5. Very personal; private: an intimate letter.
6. Of or involved in a sexual relationship.
So to rephrase, when a spouse says they are not ready to be intimate, are they saying they are not ready to have a close association, familiarity, relating their deepest nature, being essential, and relating their innermost matters, being very close, and having sex in this context?
I am not suggesting that you should not keep your distance from an unsafe person is wrong. But a year of sobriety is huge. If you don't want intimacy with that person, why stay?
it's this simple, if someone is not ready to be intimate, then they are not ready to give themselves to someone else. They can try, but it is not going to be fulfilling or meaningful. There will be a boundary not allowing vital communication to grow either with or from each other, it can easily lead to two people only sharing misery as a bond.
The solution is openess and honesty that hates the lie, but people aren't willing to be completely honesty due to fear of judgment (usually irrational judgment) and relationships could very well just be called "problems", instead of relationships. People don't want to be honest, because it could actually provide change, probably in the right direction, but they know they will lose something in the process. We live in a "more, more, more" world, when less alot of times is the "more" option.
If a person isn't ready to be intimate, they don't trust the other person, it's that simple. If you trust someone it's easy to be open and intimate with them, even in non-sexual regular interpersonal relationships.
traumatic events can and will remove trust from a person's value chart, that's why honesty and loving people is so important, some of us never will and can't get over the pain of being hurt, used, or discarded as "not as important" as the people doing things to us. It's called the emotional scar, and like a physical scar it's for life, it's not just some fluff or plead for sympathy, it's reality.
You'll never know true intimacy without true trust and your own personal security, it's like driving a car with no tires, it will move, but it won't be moving comfortably or effectively.
Some people are dependent on others, some people are scared to change, some people are just selfish. There are tons of reasons why people stay in intimate-less relationships, but none of them resemble happiness if observed.
Sex, relationships, prince charmings, valentines day, etc. It's all overrated, if intimacy isn't valued and understood. All a person has to do is just love other people and life will take care of his or her needs after that.
I see no reason to be around people you can't be open and honest with, some go as so far to hate people who are open and honest, in my opinion these people are the reasons why we all ask these complex question of "sex" when it really is as simple as we should just love people and be more honest with each other. The truth comes out if you practice honesty and love, nothing comes out if you don't, and life ceases to have meaning.