Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
My husband contacted the dude I was gonna sleep with, dude still has my explicit photos/videos, proceeded to tell my husband what I said and did, sent him the things, and now the original mess, is an even bigger mess. Almost positive he's gonna divorce me, I don't know anymore. I've ruined my life, and my happiness because I have no self control, it sucks and it's all my fault.
Give yourself a break, the compulsion, when in denial, isn't entirely our fault. If your husband educates himself on sexual addiction, he might see that you were sick, and just seeking relief in an abnormal way.
If you're a real sex addict, you have an illness, coupled with an inability to accept or feel anything spiritually profitable for you, so again, that is not entirely your fault. Our families of origin play large roles in why we do what we do, also not entirely our fault.
When you learn what is going on, and you see that negative behaviors and attitudes like selfishness, desiring power and control over others (particularly those much weaker or stronger from a societal standpoint), attitudes that we deserve something for nothing, and fears, you'll see what "faults" you can attempt to solve.
If I am selfish, a liar, controlling, power driven, inconsiderate, closed minded, hateful, or afraid for no good reason, I am at fault.
As far as infidelity is concerned, some people are just asking to be cheated on from their own "stuff" and refusal to change, and other people should have said "no" if they didn't want to cheat.
If you're like me, marriage makes little sense, and if you look at the history of marriage, it can be seen as nothing less than men wanting to own women as their property. I wouldn't take that as lead advice though, talk to some other married people who have direct experience with infidelity or sleeping with others while married. Talk to those who have reconciled and talk to those who have went their separate ways. Other's experiences will give you the answers you and your partner probably need to be happy either together or individually.
You're not a bad person if you're in a support group seeking help and wanting to discuss it with others, your subconscious obviously wants to take this seriously, and you feel some remorse, so you're not a sociopath who wants others to "deal with it."
Give yourself a break though, we are sexual beings, and we are the only animals in Gods Kingdom that feel we need to limit ourselves to one partner, LOL!
We also have a part in our brain that says we are doing wrong when a need to see it as right or wrong might not be practical. This is the ego, and the ego is constantly trying to decide within itself if we did the right thing or the wrong thing. Other animals don't lose days in shame and remorse if they slept with more than one person, so you wanted to sleep with someone you were attracted to sexually, and that conflicted with what some would say is an impractical ideal that half of all unions fail to adhere to, not earth moving or really that big of a deal.
Forgive yourself, it's your partners choice if he wants to break up the union, you're not the first person in the world to have wanted and attempted to have sex with someone other than who you married, pick your head up, keep it moving, life will resume, this is not the end of the road, it might just be the beginning of great days ahead.
Take Care.