Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.

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Advice Needed on SO's Porn, Found Condoms

new55
new55
I have a very important person in my life that I know has been into porn for over a year now. A couple months ago he said he would quit. Last week I asked him how he was doing with that, and he said he still watches it now and again.

Yesterday I found an empty condom box, and also one that had some used condoms in it. They were in his vehicle. He had told me before that he would watch his porn often when he got to work, before going in.

My question is, would he be using these condoms to masturbate into while in his vehicle watching porn, or does this indicate that he now has found an actual person he is living out his addiction with? Just trying to understand what all this means before I approach him on it.

I don't want to assume he is having sex with someone, but I don't want to have blinders on either. I know he is the best person to ask, but I don't want to be conned on this either. If he is masturbating in his vehicle, then I would assume he is into the porn heavier than what he is telling me about?

I appreciate any thoughts on this. We do not have a relevant 12 step program near us, which is what he needs I am sure.

Thank you in advance.
deleted_user
deleted_user
While I cannot confirm or deny if he is physically cheating on you, I know from my experience that masturbating every day keeps the edge off. Edge meaning: Not looking directly at porn or cheating. However, I would like to go a long time without masturbating and see the effects. I once went 5 weeks without masturbating and my sex drive went wayy down. However, masturbation for some people helps them sleep ( like me) or calms them down. I have a job where I am not allowed to taking sleeping pills or even melatonin so the natural way is masturbating. I know this is somewhat graphic but I hope it helps you understand a little bit.
2earlyriser
2earlyriser
I cannot say whether or not he is cheating, I am not him. However I can tell you that I did not use condoms when I masturbated. Porn is a progressive disease. From my own personal experience the more I watched the more I acted out. The best thing to do is ask your partner. If he is cheating or not will depend how he reacts to your inquiry. When I was confronted I lied, but that's just me.

I am not in favor of using masturbation as a from off sleep aid or stress reliever. In my own opinion it is a selfish act and wrong any and every time.
new55
new55
I don't believe he is using it to sleep. He left early to go to work on Monday morning. He works the day shift. He rarely is in his vehicle at night. I can't see any reason why he would use these at night and then take them into his vehicle. If so, I would have thought he would have disposed of them.

Thank you for the thoughts so far. No, I am not offended by graphic explanations. I will say he has been having problems with erections lately. I don't have a problem with him masturbating if that is what he feels he needs to do. I am just not understanding the condoms as he doesn't normally use them. Would it help to be less of a "mess" if he used condoms in his vehicle?

He has lied to me about the porn initially and I can tell you he is very good at lying. If I didn't have proof to the contrary, I would have believed he was telling the truth.
2earlyriser
2earlyriser
One thing I learned first hand about erection problems was that porn and masturbation were the biggest factor in that.
new55
new55
Thank you 2earlyriser. I have wondered if this isn't contributing to it. Once the porn is gone and the masturbating has lessened or stopped, did the erection problems go away, if you don't mind me asking?

He has been really short with me the last couple days. I really think the condoms may not be from masturbating. The problem is, I can't prove anything, so really won't know when he is lying and when he isn't.
2earlyriser
2earlyriser
new, when I was using porn had experienced erectile dysfunction. After I stopped using porn that problem went away.
Learningskills
Learningskills
New: Whether or not you ask him, and whether or not he answers, lying is the most destructive of these habits. And, if there is any question, and you obviously have some, then self protection is the best thing. Condoms do not prevent "all" sexual diseases. In fact, some sexual diseases can be transmitted through the mouth even. So, likely, the best thing you can do at this time is protect yourself with a medical checkup. And, seek counseling for yourself.

Aside from that, "just" masturbating in his vehicle is "not" "just" masturbating in his vehicle. There are serious repercussions to that. Some here have shared part of the results of that behavior. There are many more. Thing is, that you can't decide what he does. But you can decide what you do about what he does. I think it's imperative that you let him know he is not trusted. And, that it is imperative that he learn to tell the truth. Without that, your relationship will not survive.