In my experiences talking with church leaders, I always went away feeling like a weight was lifted and having the desire to stay clean. I do think this is how it should be. (Although sometimes I have wondered if I really need someone to "beat me up" a little more?)

It concerns me that you are getting council to the effect of "you will probably slip up." Maybe this leader is unknowledgeable. Actually as I re-read this I feel concern for your situation. Can you seek out more qualified help?

Most people relapses once, its because lust has full control of our lives.
Feeling bad is ok, as long as you know why you are feeling bad, Feeling shame and guilt are natural too. But do not stay in either feeling give them over to God. You must learn why you are lusting, and acting out. Taking action to listen to yourself and heal takes time.
I suggest you find a local SA group as well.

I already work with a therapist to deal with trauma I have experienced. However, the subject of this addiction has been something I haven’t brought up because I have viewed it as more of a spiritual burden and addiction I am someone who is immensely private so it is hard for me to discuss things that I am ashamed of which I’m sure is true for many of us and people in general. I don’t know I may have been reading into his words more than he meant me to, but my trust issues tend to do that. I feel the steps I have taken to help me are truly helping me walk a better path but hearing that comment yesterday just sucked.

any updates? everything ok? I know that for myself I have always seen this addiction in very spiritual terms. At times I question that though.. Are we over-spiritualizing it? When I quit caffeine it was tough but it didn't occur to me to spiritualize the process. lol. On the other hand, some people point out that "everything is spiritual." Well, in any case, I just want to be free.

I have begun to make steady progress. I did confide in my therapist regarding what had been occurring and her reaction was much more comforting. She had told me what I’d already known which is that trauma victims whose trauma revolves around sexual abuse are more likely to seek out something like pornography. Our brains are looking for not only something to make us somehow seem as if what happened to us was warranted but also because we are needing to satisfy a curiosity regarding what might have been going through our abusers head. She also told me that while pornography wasn’t the best outlet for this she wanted to assure me I was not a bad person and sometimes we need an outlet for these curiosity whether that be through the movies we watch, the books we read, or other materials. This while not something I was wanting or needing made the few slips that have happen not feel quite so much like a sucker punch to the gut. I realized that I am human and fallible. But while this was a common occurrence with sexual abuse victims as my therapist pointed out, she also clarified that since I felt this was against my values system that I could slowly begin to overcome that problem and I know with consistent effort one day I will.

I think the reply that I gave to someone else in this forum equally applies to you, so since I’m a bit lazy. I’m pasting it be
low

I’m not a Christian but know a bit about the Bible & that the idea that most religious people have of God causes suffering & shame when they feel that they haven’t measured up to “his” standards. In the New Testament the Greek word metanoia has been translated as repentance but it should be more accurately translated as putting on a new mind. The word repentance for many people has the connotation that you should feel guilty or beat yourself over for your short comings. Putting on a new mind signifies awareness & a desire to leave the old self behind. Also the Greek word Hamartia which was translated as sin originally meant to miss the mark or err as when an archer misses the target. In other words to live unskillfully. And even though a lot of people say they don’t have an image of God, the presence of that authoritarian, all knowing judge male God of the Old Testament is firmly implanted in their psychic. If I were to visualize someone when I pray I’ d visualize Jesus not the Nordic looking 6’ tall, blue eyed Jesus with long flowing blond hair wearing a white robe but the presence of love, the feeling of it and I’d ask for that living water he spoke of to the Samaritan woman at the well. The water that would quench your thirst forever & I’d ask that I’d be given the grace to understand what it is to be born of the spirit and to be a new man. ( and to realize it) . You’re not letting anyone down. Society , your loved ones, the members of your church have more than occasionally missed the mark but judging them or yourself won’t get you anywhere . I think Luke 6:37 should also be applied to one self. Guilt and shame binds you to the past.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
I know you are still fighting porn addiction, but use this as encouragement, god will love u no matter what. hope leads us to god. God never leaves you empty he teaches how to get through anything. Don't have to live under this constant guilt or be a slave to porn. Don't allow the enemy into our room or house. Don't allow our heart to go their. Guard our eyes and hearts. Give god your hurt and pain. however friends and people to talk to is also essential
i truly understand how hard it is but dont give up or give in to the devil keep fighting. stay positive you can do it with gods strength