Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
I'm 21 and I've been addicted to porn since I was 12. I would love to make a post being 2 weeks or a month sober, but I've been struggling too much to make it there. I've been trying to quit for 27 months now.
I'm not gonna get into the details, but life has led me to obsess about suicide for almost 3 years now and have been hospitalized for it twice.
To get out of my hole, I need a social life. I haven't had a friend in 37 months and a girlfriend in over 3 1/2 years. Nobody to even text. I try to get a social life together but I have social anxiety with everybody on this planet .. Including my own family .. Mom, dad, step parents, brother, and my sister. I notice the closer I am to my addiction the harder it is to talk to people and it's the opposite when further away. Meaning if I become sober, I can have a social life, which will likely take me out of my depression.
I don't know how much longer I can give this before I end my life. Spring/Summer is the worst because its like the dating season and I'm watching it pass me by for the 4th year inna row. I wish I could sit down and talk about this in person, but this is what I have. I hate not being part of this world. Missed out on much of my childhood, being a teenager, and now an adult. This is partly what drives me to obsess about suicide, because I have almost never been part of this world. I'm tired of being a nobody on the outside. I think now if I killed myself the people who would hear about it would think twice about me; like they should have given me a chance. Society has walked all over me my entire life and I am close to the end of the road.
If anyone wants to talk about their addiction; maybe even be text buddies or accountability buddies. I can be available 24/7 but won't text you at night. After years of bullying/abuse I have zero judgement for good people, so you can feel free to open up to me.
Please don't mention therapy; after years of it there's almost nothing it has left to teach ya.
I'm not gonna get into the details, but life has led me to obsess about suicide for almost 3 years now and have been hospitalized for it twice.
To get out of my hole, I need a social life. I haven't had a friend in 37 months and a girlfriend in over 3 1/2 years. Nobody to even text. I try to get a social life together but I have social anxiety with everybody on this planet .. Including my own family .. Mom, dad, step parents, brother, and my sister. I notice the closer I am to my addiction the harder it is to talk to people and it's the opposite when further away. Meaning if I become sober, I can have a social life, which will likely take me out of my depression.
I don't know how much longer I can give this before I end my life. Spring/Summer is the worst because its like the dating season and I'm watching it pass me by for the 4th year inna row. I wish I could sit down and talk about this in person, but this is what I have. I hate not being part of this world. Missed out on much of my childhood, being a teenager, and now an adult. This is partly what drives me to obsess about suicide, because I have almost never been part of this world. I'm tired of being a nobody on the outside. I think now if I killed myself the people who would hear about it would think twice about me; like they should have given me a chance. Society has walked all over me my entire life and I am close to the end of the road.
If anyone wants to talk about their addiction; maybe even be text buddies or accountability buddies. I can be available 24/7 but won't text you at night. After years of bullying/abuse I have zero judgement for good people, so you can feel free to open up to me.
Please don't mention therapy; after years of it there's almost nothing it has left to teach ya.
I know this may not help you but I'd like you consider another perspective.
While it is absolutely true the addiction further isolates you for myriads of reasons which I am certain you may already know. Among them: shame, guilt and inability to relate others other than sexually. It does not leave much room for making a healthy connection.
Now, the first thing that needs to happen here is to realize that suicide is not the answer to your problems. I will tell you what someone told me that woke me up from trying to do what you are considering
When those so called people whom you say will think twice about you and will regret not having giving you a chance. Once they find out and they will that you were another porn casualty, it will not matter, all you will end up being will be another cautionary tale. Is this how you would like to be remembered?
I sure as hell did not and I took steps to change my life so I will be always remembered for among other things: one guy that porn could not keep to destroy.I was dangling and staring at the abyss, and one step forward and it would have claimed me eventually. But heck no! I was determined not to allow something that pathetic have anymore power over me.
It all starts with a decision, and execute a plan of action, there is a thread called checking in startes by a guy who decided not to allow porn to rule him anymore either, he is attending meetings and checking in here twice a day while I give him encouragement, you can join us and learn from us.
Among the things you will be learning during recovery is to love and accept yourself as you are right now. Learning to be alone and enjoying it making it pleasant for yourself and once you do that, you will see how others will want to get to know you. People are attracted to others who know their self worth and are confident.
First step though is to stop this self destructive behavior and put a moratorium on indulging for, at least, 6 months. I used to say 90 days but 6 months is a tad more realistic. And see how you do. Yet the goal is not stop and then resume it as trying to catch up for lost time.
The goal is to learn to live without it and leave it an an option, a preference if you will. We have 3 basic needs: food, air and water lest we die. Everything else is an option.
Last but not least : Porn has ruled over you for a long time, truth be told it was done with your permission. Since this is a fact because nothing outside of yourself has any power over you. I ask you: is it not your absolute right to kick such ghastly tenant to the curb? I say you not give it one more second of your life, it has already stolen so much
You worth the fight, as I was. So, my friend, if I can do it so can you ans I had been at this for 30 years, 3 idiotic moronic decades. i can admit them as such because they were but no more. When I said it was the last time, it was. True, I tried to quit before too but the last time was indeed the last time
Please read the thread Checking In it will help you. I know I was a tad hard on you but I had to make you see that suicide is not the answer. The answer is to get rid of poen, not yourself. You are so worth the effort.
Hope this helps,
Wolf
Porn isn't the only battle I'm on .. In the past 3 years I've been diagnosed with 8 different mental disorders, a couple I believe are misdiagnoses. No meds, none helped.
Further away from the addiction the weaker the harmful thoughts are .. So I'm sure it'll make a huge mental impact; when craving tho sometimes my brain will try to justify it so a relapse won't seem like a big deal. To get its fix/dopamine. I'll try to stick with this site and I'll definitely check out the checking in discussion for sure.
On what you said, it is very hard to like yourself after a relapse .. I could definitely appreciate the feeling of 2/4 weeks sober; just have to make it happen
30 years wow .. How long have you been sober?
Thanks again wolf :)
You are more than welcome, that is why we are here to support one another. I am glad you decided to take a step away from the madness.
While it is true that your addicted mind will try and justify a relapse, there is seriously no reason for it. Let me put it in a way that is plain and hard to refute: Your brain needs porn like a fish needs a bicycle to swim
Unto the mental health concerns, I have discussed in another thread how behavioral cognitive therapy was very helpful in my recovery because it showed me how my thought life was actually keeping me from recovering because I was living on negative thoughts only which not only fueled the addiction but kept me from freeeing myself from it.
Not only that but I my thyroid had been borderline for years but months into my recovery my dr suggested I start thyroid treatment because the levels were dipping ever so slightly. Four months into it which means also four months of recovery works, my depression lifted.
All this time, it had been a thyroid issue which brings to thank my therapist for refusing to put me on meds and using Behavioral Cognitive Therapy to treat my depression. The tools the therapy gave me I still use to this day. I will say not everyone can afford to have their mental health issues treated non medically but I do believe not all need to be medically treated.
The good news is the longer you live without it, the better you will feel. Not at first, because your body and mind will fight you to get that fix but after a while, it will be peaceful. I can attest to that.
Yes, 30 years, by that I mean , 30 continous years not counting the years I stopped and then went back to it. It is pathetic I know but that is how vile that addiction can get.
I have been sober for almost five years. In a week it will be five years and it feels great but the best reward is that I learned a lot about myself during the recovery and from my sober life, that I thought it would be best shared wiith others who are struggling so they know that it is possible to live a healthy life without porn
Have a great day,
Wolf