Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
Hi everyone,
Does anyone else find introspection to be very confusing? I think it may be hard for me, because I am trying to find an easy way out.
I think the thing that is making a reveiw of myself difficult is that my goal isn't to find a real solution. I don't know what my goal is. It's all very confusing. I had a couple of disturbing thoughts the other day. And another today. They made me laugh at the moment and then.. they really concerned me.. and I know where they are coming from. But I can't put that place into words. I feel like it is impossible.. I want very badly for someone to come in and save me and help me out.. but I can't ask for help.. and here I am, what am i doing if i can't ask for help? every time i ask for help what am i asking for.... :O lol.. gosh.. Is it because I don't want to do the work? Well then I must not deserve the rewards of hard work.. ...
I've just been through a phase of beleiving that pornography was not a problem for me.. I still beleive this but when I ask myself the question " If pornography isn't a problem for you then why are you still using it?" Then I blame it on opportunity.. i say well i had the opportunity to use it and thats why i did. :) foolishness.. the reality is.. i haven't gone with out it and i should see if i can when i really want it.. Aha.. :) so know I realize that there are times when I do still want it.. hence.. this is a problem.. and yet I think i am missing something..
This ought to be a journal entry.. but I have a bad habit of lying to myself in my journal.. and also a habit of blocking out important details (aka lying) ... These seem like such small problems... how come they are so big to me? I would like to overcome them..
Thanks for those who read.. criticism is welcome..
- Jabaroo
Does anyone else find introspection to be very confusing? I think it may be hard for me, because I am trying to find an easy way out.
I think the thing that is making a reveiw of myself difficult is that my goal isn't to find a real solution. I don't know what my goal is. It's all very confusing. I had a couple of disturbing thoughts the other day. And another today. They made me laugh at the moment and then.. they really concerned me.. and I know where they are coming from. But I can't put that place into words. I feel like it is impossible.. I want very badly for someone to come in and save me and help me out.. but I can't ask for help.. and here I am, what am i doing if i can't ask for help? every time i ask for help what am i asking for.... :O lol.. gosh.. Is it because I don't want to do the work? Well then I must not deserve the rewards of hard work.. ...
I've just been through a phase of beleiving that pornography was not a problem for me.. I still beleive this but when I ask myself the question " If pornography isn't a problem for you then why are you still using it?" Then I blame it on opportunity.. i say well i had the opportunity to use it and thats why i did. :) foolishness.. the reality is.. i haven't gone with out it and i should see if i can when i really want it.. Aha.. :) so know I realize that there are times when I do still want it.. hence.. this is a problem.. and yet I think i am missing something..
This ought to be a journal entry.. but I have a bad habit of lying to myself in my journal.. and also a habit of blocking out important details (aka lying) ... These seem like such small problems... how come they are so big to me? I would like to overcome them..
Thanks for those who read.. criticism is welcome..
- Jabaroo
Introspection has never been a problem for me, then again I was always able to do it but most of us are not taught this wonderful skill which is very useful when plagued by the issues that are bothering you at the moment.
Having said that, saying that porn is not a problem for you is akin to saying that meth is not a problem for anyone, and it can be used in moderation. We know the answer to that.
What I think the issue here is that you are unwilling to get brutally honest with yourself to want to get better. It's very simple, from where I am seeing, you either want to get better or you do not.
No one will come and save you, this is something not one person can do for you because it is YOUR addiction, no one else's. I think I have told you how to go about it, by joining Recover Nation and and faithfully following the exercises, that's the bottom line here. Or joining a 12 step program.
You can get honest about whether you want to remain a slave to porn or not, no one has to know about your decision, it is your life. The beautiful thing about being brutally honest with yourself is that you may want to do the hard work to get better,
For me it came to that honesty level, once I told myself that I saw nothing wrong with wasting my years, what was left of them being a slave to rather questionable images, that I was more than willing to allow porn to infect my mind til there was nothing but a mass of goo, that I was perfectly okay with lying to my friends, my family members about my private life, you get the drift. Anyway, it was that
brutal honesty that led me to see exactly how incredibly twisted my life had gotten and I could not continue like that anymore.
That is what true introspection is all about, getting honest and learn about yourself better than anyone else.
So sit down and have a chat with yourself and see what you really want out of life.... then go accordingly. As I said, whatever you decide, it's up to you. It is your choice, as always.
Wolf