I was addicted to both cigarettes(sober 4 year) and porn(sober 2 weeks), cigarettes are way way way easier to quit. Just a side note...

Okay, so I'm a spouse and a smoker. (I wouldn't clasify myself as one of the "betrayed" you speak of, but... whatever)

I'm with you that the addiction to smoking helps me understand his addiction. It also helps me keep things in perspective when he has bad days as he's recovering and gets grouchy.

On the other hand, I never lied about or hidden my smoking. He knew what he was getting when we started dating. Also, I smoke outside or while alone in the car. I may be slowly killing myself (although 3 out of 4 of my grandparents smoked and lived to be 90+). It's very difficult to make the argument that my smoking is hurting anyone except myself.

When he hooked up for anonymous sex with strangers in chat rooms, he was putting me in REAL MORTAL danger! When he looked me in the eyes and lied lied lied, he nearly landed a death blow to the foundation of our relationship.

Do you see the difference?

So, you do something that makes you feel good so that you can feel bad? My H could do his thingy as long as he wanted, that's his life and he's entitled to it. Lord forbid I should get in his way. If he couldn't repsect me enough to respect my boundaries, he should have just said so, left and continued on his merry way. No fault...no error. But, to lie, and hide behind my back, in order to keep me around, giving whatever it was he wanted from me, was deception, theft of my right to know, and theft of my time and my life. Where does he have the right to do that?

Neither H nor I smoke, drink or gamble.

I can see your point needhelp, in regards to the addictive powers of the chemicals in smokes. However Grrlygirl is correct that it is not the same regarding the betrayals.

"It's just a way to make yourself feel better", I'm afraid this is classic addict justification, and not helpful to your recovery. Please be very careful.
Also by saying this to your spouse, it is not being respectful of the hurt you have caused by dismissing the colossal betrayal as something so simple as wanting a ciggarette. And thus would smack of you not taking full responsibility for actions.
So yes, the addictiveness similar, but the betrayal not even close, I'm afraid.

So basically, the worse thing here is the betrayal itself, lying, deceit, not the action itself right? That all has to do with communication. I saw in a movie, I can't remember which one it is right now, that the husband cheated on the wife and she was fine with that but left him because she found he was smoking. Her father died of lung cancer and she despised cigarettes so she told him not to smoke but he lied and deceived her and she left him for that, not the cheating but the smoking. It's all about the lies and deceit. So Trina, it depends who you ask which addiction is worse.

For me the absolute WORST part was all the times I asked him direct questions and he lied. I honestly would've gone to swingers clubs with him and had a grand old time if he hadn't looked me in the eyes and lied to me. I am absolutely not anti-porn, it's just that he can't be honest with me when he's "using". Plus it was severely impacting our sex lives because guys over 30 can only do that so many times in any given day, and there was nothing left for me.

I agree that with SA, the real problem is not the sex/porn. Sex is a natural, human need. It is the betrayal and lies and secrets. Your husband is the the person that you should be able to trust above all others, he should be a secure place to go to. But once you have been lied to over and over again, where is the security without trust? So no, SA is not like any other addiction in that the relationship between a man and woman is so sacred and you give all of yourself body, mind and soul - and to have that trampled on is devastating. with cigarettes, its just about the act of smoking.