well done. No matter how messy it comes out, you are trying to start a dialogue and that is great. I really hope that your husband takes the opportunity to be honest with you.

I agree with Bryan. He needs to know you are now setting limitations where he is concerned. Good!

I felt relieved there after a few long minutes... And he's been home now and it feels like we are emote alienated than before. He has stuck to himself playing his video game. I don't know maybe he needs his space to think about it.

I'm not surprised. My husband played tons of video games early on. He couldn't look at porn on the computer so he did the one thing he was still able to do. If he is early in sobriety he will go through withdrawal. Just take good care of yourself through it.

This is also part of the hypervigilance we spouses get caught up in--we're afraid of what is going to come down the pipes, so we try to figure out what he's thinking to steel ourselves emotionally. That is normal for us, but over time and with work, it's important to walk away from that pattern--it causes us anxiety, and takes away the responsibility each of us has to communicate our thoughts, feelings and needs.

Don't beat yourself up over the hypervigilance, but do acknowledge it.

Thanks I plan to.... I just don't even know what to say. He hasn't said one thing about it...chad barely even given me a kiss. I feel even more hopeless than what I already did. He's far from admitting there's anything wrong and didn't say anything about going with me to see a counselor. I don't need to ask him what he thinks of my list because it doesn't matter as they are there for me. Honestly, I think he's waiting it out.... We have a weekend trip planned to AZ then visitors so I think he's waiting until all that passes. I don't know what I expect anymore.

Yes him turning to phone games or video games is better than porn, but it still takes away from us. I'm beginning to think maybe we weren't as close as I thought we were.

Intimacy disorder/intimacy anorexia is often part of the addiction profile, so finding other ways to avoid things like intimacy or confrontation or discomfort is not uncommon.

When acting out, I realized how childish my husband had behaved--the silent treatment/sulking being one example. I've realized I wouldn't accept it from my child or my students, so I won't accept it from him any more.

Maybe you ought not "expect" anything at all. Maybe it's good to just actually observe what is? Maybe, it's even better to let his responses be exactly that...his responses. You can't know what he thinks, but by what he does. What he does, indicates what he thinks. I know that in order to get on with tending my feelings, I had to detach from his. Once I accomplished that, I felt better. I allowed that he can and will do anything he wants to do. And, if that means he doesn't care enough to seek the relationship with me, then, that tells me what he thinks.