Tyson,

Without a plan of action and a tight schedule to follow to the letter, no one can overcome this type of addiction.

What you are describing is that as soon as the trigger or the urge sets in, you go into auto pilot which is part of the compulsive behavior but it does not have to be that way, what kills the auto pilot mode is self awareness. By being aware and present at all times, you can then tell where your mind is going and where your body will soon by going.

There is a site called www.yourbrainonporn.com that can help you further in educating yourself about this particular addiction. It would behoove you to seek a recovery program if you feel you are unable to get control over this addiction.

Lastly, one simple tip is to not turn on the computer when you feel like you are going to relapse, yes, at first, it will feel like hell just broke loose but in time, it will become less unbearable. An urge is just an urge, it is meaningless and you always have a choice. So choose wisely.

Have a great day,
Wolf (5 and 1/2 years sober)

I have found meditation to be of great help when I was in recovery. Just being an observer of your thoughts as you contemplate can be an eye opener on what goes on in your mind.

Like travelling in a train as you watch the landscape pass by, just observe all the thoughts that goes by. Once the thoughts quite down, in a meditative state think about why you had those thoughts - see if there is a reason that such images and thoughts pass through.

Do this with discipline every morning immediately when you wake up (brush and take shower, no coffee/tea). I would recommend waking up even before dawn, the hour before sunrise is considered the "purest" from a energy/vibration perspective due to the stillness of the world at that time.

Try doing it for 15 mins for the first week and keep adding 5 mins to it when you are comfortable. Making a morning 30 minute habit on meditation will help you kill and destroy this addiction. People are so surrounded by noise (TV, social media, electronics, friends, family, etc.) that having that 15 to 30 minutes before the world wakes up was a game changer in my recovery. Been clean for over 6 months now and have no plans of falling back...

If you are not sure about how to meditate, there are group meditation sessions in the morning that might help you get started in your town/city.

Blessings and stay the course...do it for yourself!

Wolfiepa, I've checked out that website many times and it has helped in the past but stopped. I think I fell into that over confidence stage which of course is a problem when trying to recover.

Believe2015, I appreciate the input. Meditation is something I've always wanted to try but could never get into honestly. My brain is constantly in motion and I can never focus long enough. But I like the idea of starting small (5 mins) and working my way up) Especially doing it first thing in the morning. I'm always up early anyways.

Would this discussion/support group be a good place to just post each day to keep myself accountable or do you know of a place to do that? I'm new to this site so not sure how it really works.

Tyson,

What you describe is very common during the recovery, I was warned about that at the start of my recovery program and it was extremely helpful because, it left no choice but to simply do the recovery work entirely no matter how confident I felt because I already knew and I was well aware of how insidious porn actually was, so I was not about to allow to lie to me anymore. So the "Just this once and we are done for good" little annoying addicted voice was not going to get its way ever again.

So I strongly recommend that you enlist a recovery program of some sort so that you can truly recover from this addiction. Trust me when I tell you, I tried to quit on my own gazillions of times, to no avail. Why? Because I did not have an action plan to tackle such monumental task.

I enrolled in the recovery program (not 12 step, mind you) and day after day, I followed the guidelines, did the check in with my mentor every single day and did the "homework" and even after the recovery program was over, I carried over the lessons I learned from the recovery program which I still use to this day, 5 and half years later into my sober life.

It took me 2 years to get back my life to where I could say, it was truly porn free, that is, there were no longer intrusive images sneaking in my mind at inconvenient times or just design to annoy me, and I had to abstain from masturbation during that time, 90 days became another 90 days and so forth, I was determined to kick this addiction to the curb.

Here's the gist of my post, the only way to recover and live a healthy life is this: A decision needs to be made: Will it be you or porn? That is the bottom line and once you truly choose yourself, there will be nothing you will not do to eradicate it from your life.

Have a great day,
Wolf (5 and 1/2 years sober)

Many people wrongly guide meditation to still/control the mind. That is not the right approach. Meditation is reflection of thoughts, to get to reflection - we start with observation.

Start your morning by finding a quiet spot and a comfortable place to sit. Just close your eyes and observe what your mind is telling you for a few minutes. It could be anything, bad thoughts, good thoughts, about your past, about your future, etc. At the end of few minutes, make a quick journal on what you observed.

For the first few weeks, just focus on observing and keep a journal of your thoughts. As you progress, you will start reflecting on them, on why those thoughts are arising, this is the reflection phase.

Then the next stage is you observe and reflect immediately during meditation. Is a step by step progress on how to find yourself.

There is more, but follow the observation for a few weeks, do not try to still or quiet it - just let it run wild, but be a vigilant observer...

Tyson,

I feel the exact same way you do. I have never come across anyone that seems to be in the exact same position. I've been to SA meetings, had counselling, had other people put filters on my internet browsing, but no matter what I do I always seem to go back into auto-pilot and the next thing I know all my hard work seems to have been a waste.

Just know you are not alone and it would be useful to post things daily and be accountable and that is something I need to do. I do well with motivation from others that are in the same position as me. I work from home so I don't get out much and don't speak to people face to face much, so I guess sometimes I turn to porn as my contact to the outside world, but the reality is it shuts me in from the outside world and makes me even more anti social.

I'm right along this with you and I know we can do it. It's not impossible. One thing that has helped me in the past was writing in a diary daily and the "person" I was writing to was porn and sex. I would write to it as if it were a person and telling it that it can't hurt me, it can't touch me and it is not in control of me. It is not my friend. Writing to it did help until I stopped writing due to being busy and then forgetting.

We all need to develop good and healthy habits and stick to them, otherwise our minds become idle and are the perfect target for porn to creep in.

I hope you are keeping strong my friend.

It's so important to have others to support you and be accountable too who have are walking through this as well, and I'm glad this site is available to people. Not sure if you are only looking for online help, but I have read many people on this site reference seeking out a Sexual Addiction Support Group. My husband and I (and our team of 3 couple leaders) host a Support Group every week in Mesa on Sunday evenings. It's free except for the small cost of the workbook that goes along with our weekly study. It's Biblical based using Pure Desire Ministries curriculum. Please let us know if we can be of help

Post everyday, even if you're struggling, it is an act of commitment.

Ten days strong and feeling really good. Managed to get passed that tough few days of urges and they've simmered down a bit. I've put a bunch of new things in place to help and with everything it has really helped with keeping my thoughts and mind focused as well as keeping me in control of my own brain. Just wanted to give an update. I know there will be rough days ahead but I'm building my foundation now so when those days come I'll be prepared.

17 days clean now. Had a rough day yesterday. Lots of urges. Almost slipped but managed to catch myself. Just wanted to check in.

Tyson,

Close calls are alarm bells that something is amiss, go back in your plan and see what gaps need filling. Otherwise, keep the course, revise as needed.

Have a great day,
Wolf (5 and 1/2 half years sober)

Urges and temptations are normal during abstinence process, the key is to be aware of them and have an action plan in place when it happens.

Most urges are temporary and what you do in the next 10-15 minutes will decide if you will relapse or not. Something that worked for me, I have a lot of college and school friends on speed dial ( in all 24 hours timezone, for example, if my urge is strong during midnight US time, I can a few friends in India).

Once I speak with them for 10, 15 mins about past good time, family, kids, etc - the urge passes and I can move on to sleep or work or play...so knowing when the urges start striking, make sure you have a plan A, B, C...up to Z if needed to ensure that you don't enter the "auto pilot" addictive state.

My other action plan is I start writing a letter to children I support in Africa and India. This takes my mind of sex craze and start thinking about the kids that need my time and money to eat, have clothing and actually live instead of die. Understanding that there is so many things we can do rather than selfishly be addicted was a great motivator for me during the recovery.

Understand that urges and temptations will be there, how you act in those moments will determine your recovery.

God bless...