Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
I just need to vent I think.. Christmas was so challenging. Just before Christmas I found email addresses that have led to a whole bunch of websites.. I have came to the understanding that my SO. Is an addict.. But I plastered a smile on my face for my family.. I am so exhausted.. It all feels like a huge lie.. I am working on my Al-anon program and thank god I did.. But I was seeing very clearly the dynamics of my family.. and we all need work. He has talked to both our kids.. My son who is 18 said to me.. "Who cares if he is talking to other women it's not like your leaving or he's leaving just live with it" I smiled and nodded and left the room.... I have counselling booked but not until after the new year.. The part that is sickest (even above talking to our kids) bugs me the most.. I don't think this is normal but ... I confronted him before Christmas but didn't push for the passwords I knew he was lying.. See normally at this point my guilt and shame for even asking would have shut me up and closed my eyes.. but I have seen to much.. I know he's lying.. But as the time carries on and I don't freak out.. I hear him muttering comments under his breath.. About what I had found, I can't even remember the words he has said.. .. and it was just last night.. Slightly stressed I guess.. But I don't know if i should be all "Hey I heard that" I don't think I am ready for that confrontation.. But part of me is like just do it Just rip the bandaid off..
What really helped me was keeping a daily journal. I would use it to write about my gratitude because you have to find things to be grateful for in this difficult time and I would use it to vent as well.
Don't judge yourself for not being able to rip off the bandage. You are not turning a blind eye to this and you need to use this time to work on you.
When you are ready to move forward, you will, but take all the time you need.
Also, understand the dynamic of you two. He is muttering under his breath at you and you aren't responding. Both of you are being passive/aggressive at the same time which is very typical in this situation. It is okay for you to say to him that you hear him and that at this point you will not respond to him UNTIL he is ready to sit down with you and talk about a plan for recovery. Let him know you will be supportive, BUT only if he agrees to it. Otherwise, it is okay for you to disengage from him. Trying to engage with him in this state would do no good any way since he would only lie and manipulate which is further traumatizing.