Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
I feel like dying just so I can get out of this horrible life of mine. I was clean for 2 whole months, I had not relapsed since I had joined this forum. all of a sudden, literally out of nowhere, my mind did this thing where it made me believe it was ok. Just for a second, and I followed it. I let it hold me and drag me through hell with it. I hate myself more than ever right now and wish I could go back in time so bad right now. how could I have let 2 complete months go to waste. im so confused. for the longest time I was to busy to think about anything. I was on the right track and had so many new and exciting things going for me in my life. I cant afford any type of program so I need other alternatives. the downside to being busy is that I could not come on this forum either and I think that made me feel disconnected and I lost my motivation. I feel like I am back to step one and what I told myself I would do and what would happen changed. I hope that this was just a one time mistake and it will be so small in the years where I am addiction free, that I will soon forget about it and the fact that I am stating it was just one time, will be true. I have always been disappointed in the person that I turned out to be. I never wanted to go through this much grief and it is no one elses fault but mine. even when I cry over this I feel stupid because there was no one who brought this upon themselves but me. I don't even want to face people because I feel they will see my shame. I ruined all my important milestones and I feel sick to my stomach right now. I don't want to go back to square one but I am now. I need someone to talk to please help me im going crazy.
That is exactly what the addiction does, it whispers the just this once lie and we find ourselves right back where we started. You say that you cannot afford a recovery program right now but there is one available online and it is free, it is called recovery nation.
But before you join it, there needs to be a cleansing of negative emotions. Your situation is not unusual, this particular addiction is very annoying and very difficult to overcome but not impossible. I myself fell off the wagon many times before I decided that enough was enough and made a decision that no matter how hard it was, I was not going to allow this addiction to have me again.
It took me a good 2 years to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I had to be consistent, diligent and determined to do whatever it took to get better. I implemented a schedule so tight, I had every second accounted for, I had my plan of action in place and there was no relapse to be had ever. No more just this once, no more saved bookmarks, I purged anything that could possibly tempted me and on and on I went through my days.
It is true that the first 6 months were bloody hell but looking back on it, it was worth it, I learned a lot about myself and 5 years later, I am still on that schedule and living the sober life.
All of this to let you know, there is a way out but it will not be easy, the beauty is that you have got to want it more than you want to watch porn. You have got to want to be healthy more than anything else, once you establish that desire, the rest will be not as hard as you think.
if you have any questions, let me know. Before I go I want to tell you that porn feeds off those negative emotions hence why I am telling you to dust yourself off and see where you astray and do something else next time. Being self aware will help you pay attention to your thoughts, and being proactive instead of reactive goes a long long way.
Meanwhile going to yourbrainonporn.com will educate you on exactly why you cannot seem to get past it.
Hope this helps,
Wolf (5 years sober)
How does one do this? Turning to their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Instead of beating yourself up, go to Him and confess and put in all on Him, because he ALREADY paid it all, so that we could live in light.