Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
So one of my triggers is going on out of town business trips. With my job some trips are mandatory and some are suggested. Well a suggested trip is coming up and I've told my co-workers I'm not going. But they keep pressuring me, taunting me, telling me how I'm going to miss out on all the evening happenings. So my addicted self says YEAH that would be so much fun! I'll have a couple of drinks, some great conversation, maybe even meet a stranger. But then my recovery self says WHOA no way. No drinks. No conversation. No strangers. And I've said no because I don't want to put myself in another situation that will leave me broken. But Im feeling the pressure from my co-workers and am afraid I'll push the fuck it button and give in. I just need some words to stay strong. I usually have them but I don't know why this time is so different. Ugh.
If the trip is NOT mandatory, if I were you, I'd simply not go, period. You owe no one an explanation to your co-workers. Just simply say, "I'm not going." and leave it at that. Pressure is just words, it means nothing, it only means something when you give it meaning.
One of the problems we addicts also have is addiction to approval, so to nip that in the bud, we need to stand our ground in our recovery. After all, that is the only thing that matters, so if that's the most important aspect in your life in the moment, then live it out.
The great thing about trigger awareness is that now you know how it will play itself out, armed with that knowledge, you can take positive steps to avert it.
Simply remind yourself that you are far more valuable than a trigger, that you are way stronger than any temptation and lastly, you do NOT need this situation in your life. Lastly, you've gone this far, keep going further, instead of backwards and starting the clock.
Hugs,
Wolf
I agree with Wolf...saying no to going is much easier than saying no to a strange guy you find on that trip right? It's not mandatory, right? Then why go? Sure trips can be fun..but if if you know it's going to be a trigger before you go...that should be an indication that it's not a great idea. Have you considered having someone as an accountability person go with you? Just an idea..this way even if you are weak, this person can keep you focused.
So...what are you gonna do? I am praying for strength for you either way....
Hugs...Sherrie
I have to agree with wolf and sherrie on this one. If it's not mandatory that you go on this trip, stay home! No sense putting yourself in harm's way unnecessarily.
I wanted to also remind you that going on these out-of-town trips isn't necessarily the trigger for you. Events usually aren't triggers in and of themselves. The trigger is something that happened on a prior trip out of town, something that shamed you. So when you find yourself in a similar situation (an out-of-town trip), it reminds you of the shaming event which in turn triggers the feelings and emotions which are, in fact, the triggers you are looking for since they trigger your shame which is your final trigger before you go ahead and "act out"..
Although this trip isn't mandatory, there will be other trips coming up which you will need to take, so I want to give you a couple of ideas which might make a slip less likely for you the next time you need to travel. One idea is what is called a "Fire Drill". This is a written list you draw up where you list all of the things you can do when you're tempted to act out, other than going ahead and having a slip. On the list, you'll have things like calling support people, reading some recovery literature, going to a Twelve Step meeting, etc. As far as the out-of-town situations go, you could sign in to an online or telephone meeting, or if they have "in-person" groups wherever you'll be, going to one of them. That might mean carrying the group names, website addresses, and phone numbers with you when you travel so you'll be able to find out what's going on in your area at any given point in time.
Once you've drawn up your list, type it out and make a number of photocopies. Put one copy next to your computer at home, one in your desk at work, one in the glove box of your car, and one in the suitcase you'll take with you when you go out of town. You can also place a copy of your list anywhere else you might find yourself when the temptation to "act out" hits you (like in your purse).
The second idea is what they call "A Letter From Yourself, To Yourself". In this letter, you'll outline all of the benefits you've gotten from recovery, along with all of the consequences of your addiction. You will also remind yourself what might happen if you have a slip and "act out" again (unplanned pregnancy, catching some type of sexually transmitted disease or H.I.V., having the guy you pick up beat you up and/or rob you, etc.). You need to type this letter up and make copies of it, just like you did with your "Fire Drill". Place copies of this letter where you placed copies of your "Fire Drill", that way, you'll have another reinforcement for your continued sobriety right where it will be handy.
The final suggestion I'd have for you would be for you to use something called the P.C.I. (Personal Craziness Index). This is a tool which helps you recognize when you're headed for a slip or relapse long before the actual "acting out" behavior occurs. The idea behind it is simple, your life will get out of balance in a lot of other areas before you will reach the point of having your slip. So, to keep you from reaching that point, this tool helps you keep track of various everyday aspects of your life which can be indicators of an out-of-balance life. There is lots of information on the Internet about the P.C.I., but Dr. Patrick Carnes has gone a bit beyond what you'll find on the web and actually developed a checklist of sorts to help you keep track of your day to day balance indicators, and you can find his full version of the P.C.I. in his book, "A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps: The Classic Guide for All People In the Process of Recovery". The book is available from: Amazon (www.amazon.com), Barnes and Noble (BN.com), overstock.com, or from Gentle Path Press (www.gentlepath.com). If your life is in balance before you go on any business trips, you're much less likely to have a slip when you are out of town. And one final word about the P.C.I., I have NEVER seen an addict have a slip or relapse if they use the P.C.I. each and every day as directed. This tool is that good!!