I've practically been addicted to porn and masturbation for 5 years. I've been trying to give it up for almost 2 years, and yet up until now, I have never been able to go longer than just over a week without relapsing. For the longest time, it was an every day habbit, which I have managed to cut down on. Over the years, I have seen countless porn videos and images and have most likely spent more time dedicated to it than any other interest in my life. I'm embarrassed and digusted by the way I've masturbated for the past years, how frequent it's been, how I've done it in inapropriate scenarios and at inapropriate times (I once masturbated in my college bathroom stall) and I find it uncomfortable how I've masturbated to so much content that, on occasion, I can't even remember what turned me on or why.

Porn has completely messed up my sexuality. It's given me strange fetishes and makes me constantly question myself. Last month, I couldn't stop watching pegging videos, now I've gotten bored of them and am looking for the next thing to excite me. I'm worried about how far this kind of desire will take me. There's been things in the past I swore I would never of been aroused by, but due to a gradual exposer to porn, I've fell deeper and deeper in. Although it's always been legal and consented material, I've masturbated to things I'm not proud of and this has made me question my morality. I know how harmful the habbit can be, and yet when I'm horny, I feel overpowered.

I know I'm still young but I don't want to have this dependency in later life, particularly when I start relationships, as I know how hurtful that can be for partners. The issue arises when I search for porn more and more and get a bigger and bigger exposuer to the almost endless content. I have seen a lot of geniunely disgusting, not at all sexy porn over the years, things that I can't honestly say I'm fully attracted to. This leaves me confused. I feel like I've poisoned my brain with such upsetting images. It's hard to distinguish what I enjoy in porn and what I may enjoy in real life.

Despite everything, I still do like sex, but this addiction has turned something natural and great into an immature vice. I use porn as a cure all, as an instant rush of excitement when I'm feeling low. The addiction is hard because obviously getting aroused is natural and I am deeply fascinated by sex, like everyone else. I wish there was a way to channel it into a healthy sexuality. I know I will never have sex in my life the same way people do in porn, but I am still subconsciously getting bad expectations for when I do engage in the real thing. Obviosuly it's quite difficult for a young man to find sex, so porn seems to be my only outlet. It's such an embarrassing addiction to deal with and people don't seem to take it as seriously as something like alcholism or drug dependency. Every time I relapse, the moment I finish I feel awful for at least an hour afterwards. I feel so weak and stupid for not being able to beat it. I just feel so exausted, is it even worth trying to quit at this point?