Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
hello,
i have posted here before and i hoped i would not have to again. i am 25 and i have trouble with prostitution. about 2 years ago i promised myself i would never do it again. to be honest i didn't go alot, a couple of times whilst travelling in amsterdam and thailand.
recently, i have been in a relationship for nearly a year and its long distance. my girlfriend has some problems sometimes to have sex, she is uncomfortable with t sometimes. i took this in the wrong way and thought it meant she didn't feel the same anymore or was cheating on me but i am starting to realise that her sex drive is not nearly as big asmine. she has cheated on me before so i am insecure and don't really trust her.
recently we didn't see each other for 3 months, the longest we're ever been apart, usually its only 2 or 3 weeks.
i stayed faithful ut i began to watch porn daily as i needed something in the between time.
when she went away first i had a massage with extras, and i felt really bad about t, i didn't tell her. i have told her of the times before i have done such things but i know i would lose her if she found this out.
i have just returned from visiting her for 3 weeks and the lack of sex became a strain.
i feel bad but i feel like there is something missing in the relationship. we both love each other but sexually it is not happening.
after the trip on the way home i passed through london and got a massage wth extras again.
i don't know why i am doing this.
i thought i was finished doing that kind of thing, i always feel so bad about myself after but i can't seem to stop myself.
is it because of the relationship i am doing this.
thats 2 times now in the last 4 months.
i really love my girlfriend, i don;t want to lose her.
but i feel like i don't have any sexual options. i feel like i am been really selfish. is it normal to expect sex in a relationship. i always feel like i am trying to push her to have sex. she only ever comes on to me when she is drunk. it makes me feel unattractive and it is hurting my self confidence.
i know i have let myself and her down by doing these massage things.
i say to myself at the time that its innocent.
i don't know what to do. i promise myself i will not do it again. but the 2 times i had the massages were directly after i spent time with her. is there a connection.
im confused by my activity. i never thought i would act in such a way in a relationship
please help me
i have posted here before and i hoped i would not have to again. i am 25 and i have trouble with prostitution. about 2 years ago i promised myself i would never do it again. to be honest i didn't go alot, a couple of times whilst travelling in amsterdam and thailand.
recently, i have been in a relationship for nearly a year and its long distance. my girlfriend has some problems sometimes to have sex, she is uncomfortable with t sometimes. i took this in the wrong way and thought it meant she didn't feel the same anymore or was cheating on me but i am starting to realise that her sex drive is not nearly as big asmine. she has cheated on me before so i am insecure and don't really trust her.
recently we didn't see each other for 3 months, the longest we're ever been apart, usually its only 2 or 3 weeks.
i stayed faithful ut i began to watch porn daily as i needed something in the between time.
when she went away first i had a massage with extras, and i felt really bad about t, i didn't tell her. i have told her of the times before i have done such things but i know i would lose her if she found this out.
i have just returned from visiting her for 3 weeks and the lack of sex became a strain.
i feel bad but i feel like there is something missing in the relationship. we both love each other but sexually it is not happening.
after the trip on the way home i passed through london and got a massage wth extras again.
i don't know why i am doing this.
i thought i was finished doing that kind of thing, i always feel so bad about myself after but i can't seem to stop myself.
is it because of the relationship i am doing this.
thats 2 times now in the last 4 months.
i really love my girlfriend, i don;t want to lose her.
but i feel like i don't have any sexual options. i feel like i am been really selfish. is it normal to expect sex in a relationship. i always feel like i am trying to push her to have sex. she only ever comes on to me when she is drunk. it makes me feel unattractive and it is hurting my self confidence.
i know i have let myself and her down by doing these massage things.
i say to myself at the time that its innocent.
i don't know what to do. i promise myself i will not do it again. but the 2 times i had the massages were directly after i spent time with her. is there a connection.
im confused by my activity. i never thought i would act in such a way in a relationship
please help me
Impaired thinking of an SA
Quoted from "Out Of The Shadows" By: Patrick Carnes.
One of the greatest myths that allows the addict to repeat sexual behaviours is that it does not adversely affect other relationships, especially a marriage. In fact, one of the most common rationals for a married addict is "I do it in order to stay in the marriage." In reality, though, the marriage is characterised by diminishing intimacy, sensitivity, and sexuality.
Each person has a belief system that is the sum of the assumptions, judgements, and myths that he or she to be true.
Out of that belief system, the set of interacting faulty beliefs, come distorted views of reality. Denial leads the list of ways that addicts distort reality. Addicts use many devices to deny (to themselves and others) that there is a problem. Ignoring the problem, blaming others, and minimising the behaviours are part of the addicts defensive repertoire.
When addicts believe in the defensive rationalisations, the result is denial that a specific incident or behaviour is a part of a total behavioural pattern.
Arguements, excuses, justifications and circular reasoning abound in the addicts impaired mental process.
The above text, i think applies well here.
You seem to think you are in love with your girlfriend but said "is it because of the relationship i am doing this".
Many things you have said, tell me you are struggling with a Sexual Addiction. Your impaired thinking, justifying of your behaviours, and your very low self esteem, are all big indications here.
I would recommend counselling and/or therapy, to help you deal with the road ahead. You need to learn why you behave the way you do, and learn to plan when a trigger arises. You also very much need help with increasing your self confidence, and believing you are worthy.
Your problems aren't a result of the relationship, and most often happen regardless of whom you are with. It will follow you into any relationship, as this is your coping mechanism.
Please seek help, and find the willpower for a happier and healthy life.
The power is within.
P.s
The above book is also very helpful, and a great start, if you are willing to let it help you. Its available privately on Amazon.com
Best of Luck
Before I address your question about sexual addiction, let me say that sexual expression is one of humanity's basic physical drives. It ranks right up there with the need for food, drink, sleep, and elimination. Psychologist Abraham Maslow included all of these drives together on the first level of his "Needs Hierarchy" model of human development/evolution.
Having said that, it sounds as though both you and your girlfriend have some problems in the sexual arena. I agree with Trina that your behavior seems to be defensive, a way of dealing with stress and tension. If that's the case, you probably are talking about some sort of sexual addiction, and therapy would be quite helpful.
As far as your girlfriend goes, one of two things may be going on. Either she is also an addict, only one suffering from sexual anorexia. Or she is not willing/able to be physically intimate. She may have some religious or moral problems with premarital sex. Or she may have some sort of physical problem that makes sexual activity difficult, if not impossible. Maybe she's just not ready to be physical yet. Or maybe her level of commitment to you is not as high as your commitment is to her. That lack of commitment would cause her to be reluctant to be sexual. I don't know which of these theories, if any, are right, but your girlfriend might really benefit from a thorough physical exam to rule out any medical problems. If nothing is found there, then counseling might be in order. Of course, whatever is going on, these are her issues, not yours, and you are the one who posted your concerns and asked for advice.
As far as the self-esteem issues go, I would suggest you check out a book by Nathaniel Brandon, Ph.D. titled "How to Raise Your Self-Esteem". Brandon has spent his entire 30+ year career working with self-esteem issues, and has written a number of books on the subject. But for your purposes, I think this one would be the best place for you to start. The book contains hundreds of sentence stems such as "Most people don't realize it, but I am a very talented .............." You are to then complete the sentence. He specifically asks you to write out your answers, and doing so really seems to help solidify the points you need to be aware of in your mind, and in your heart. The book should be available in your local bookstore, or can be ordered directly from AMAZON.COM.