Jim,

Your recovery story clearly shows that when we decide to improve our lives, somehow the Universe asks us by way of obstacles just how determined we are to change indeed. Lord knows I had my share of doozies during my recovery.

While what your wife has done is not by any means kosher behavior, we cannot control what others do. We can only control ourselves and our lives, while the addiction is not something to brag about, it is not something to be ashamed about either.

A year into my recovery the subject of porn addiction came into a conversation I was having at a get together, if I had been ashamed, I would have kept quiet but I could not remain silent at the comment that there is not such a thing.

After my comment, it was obvious that I knew a lot of about it from personal experience, my friends looked at me in disbelief (apparently there is a stereotype there also) and when that happened, I simply said, "Well yes, I have been in recovery for a year just about, and it has not been easy yet here I am saying that yes, it exists and the sooner we all admit that it does, the sooner society changes the way it deals with its puritanical crap". In this case I ended up outing myself, and while some looked at me warily (that I am sure passed on the juicy tidbit), others reacted in a supportive manner.

As for those people who no longer want anything to do with you, do not take it so personally, it has all to do with their own personal prejudices. I had to come to that realization when it happened to me. I lost some friends and gained others. I had already gone through a previous change in my life decades before where I lost all my family from my father's side, and most of my friends, so this loss was put in a better context. Like I said, you cannot control what others do, take a deep breath and if that is all takes to stop talking to you, good riddance, seriously.

I would agree with your therapist, bars and clubs are no place for someone who has a sexual addiction, specially for someone who is trying to recover from one. For me, it is because working there would be a reminder of the addiction plus the added bonus of temptation. But that's just me.

So perhaps my question now could be: What are you going to do now regarding the addiction (notice I did not say your)? What lessons have your learned from your slips and how are you going to apply them to your life now? Do you know why you started dating someone toxic for you? Have you resolved your issues regarding the addiction? If not all, which ones have you worked on successfully? I know I gave you a lot of things to think about, if I do not do it, who will? :)

Take care,,
Wolf (4 years sober)

Thanks Wolf, you know i knew that taking this addiction head on was gonna be hard but i didn't know it would be like this, you know avoiding the images and people who are all to willing to help me indulge but I'm going to beat this disease even if it means selling my businesses off and I've broken off that toxic relationship. I thought being with someone with the same addiction would be natural (boy was i wrong). Thank you and i appreciate your words.

Recovery takes more then just hard work , it is accepting the consequences of the addiction in your life and making sacrifices too. So for you i would say that your line of work is fostering your addicting and is going to make it next to impossible to stay on the recovery path.
Can you be a silent owner perhaps? Hire someone that can run it all for you so you dont have to be there ?

Never really considered that as an option, that's something to discuss with my financial advisor. Thanks.

hope it works out for you, you deserve to do whatever it takes to have a healthy life....

One of the great gifts you can give your children is the model of recovery, accountability for ones actions and taking responsibility to right the wrong and to do the work necessary to heal. Take the opportunity to talk to your children about your addiction so that they can learn from your mistakes and perhaps this will aide them in their lives. It is too bad that it couldn't have come from you but it isn't to late to sincerely apologize for not letting them know and to encourage them toward healthy lifestyle choices. Their trust in you has been shaken and this could be a first step toward rebuilding that trust and showing them you are making sincere efforts. Refrain from being the hypocrite; who wants to appear to be someone he is not although you want to look good in your childrens eyes they will easily see right through you. Be humble, be honest, be sincere.