Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
Today is my 119th day of not looking at pornography. My addiction is losing weight with me. I am at the point where I haven't "felt" like looking at porn or panty ads in a few weeks. I feel safe enough online now, but when I get the urge to look I immediately turn off the computer and go into another room. Now I need to focus on the masturbation addiction. I went 31 days without it three months ago, but haven't gone more than 8 days in a long time. I realize that sex is a normal function, but I take it to excess. Porn, sex and masturbation are only the "acting out" part of my addiction, my real addiction is LUST. I cannot allow myself to look at another person (man or woman) for too long before I begin to lust after them. Since I am faithful to my marriage vows I act out my fantasies through masturbation. I am trying not to trigger myself, by touching myself. I found out that I touch myself unconsciously. I also don't look too long at a person other than their face. It is through the grace of God that I have this much sobriety. He has given me a second chance at life. I try to keep the commandments and do His will. Recovery is a struggle, but with God's help I can overcome.
During recovery it is mandatory to abstain from masturbation, as well, to break the link between porn and masturbation, so that there are no residual behaviors, as the ones you are describing.
I do not think the issue is lust but more of a behavioral issue where the porn has associated everything with sex. That is the addiction has sexualized everything you see and think about.
This is exactly why they stress abstinence from any sexual behavior during recovery. In other words, lust in this case is a learned behavior.
Perhaps, you could start looking at it differently. Instead of looking for a culprit, so to speak, try looking for ways you can change the way you "look at people.
At the present time, you are processing people as potential sexual partners/conquests what have you because the addiction has taught you such thing, so perhaps, it may be time to realize these are people, not objects, when you humanize your object, it becomes rather difficult to objectify them.
In other words, once you add human qualities and see that they have feelings and opinions, etc, see them doing everyday things, instead of sexual ones, it becomes harder to see them as empty vessels to do as your mind pleases, so to speak.
Recovery is only a struggle if you look at it, as such. I am not saying it is easy, by any stretch but you could cut down your suffering by simply changing the way you are seeing your recovery.
So next time you get an urge, you can simply say, "Not now" or you could say, "I could do it but I choose not to." You have got to allow yourself to have choices, without them, your mental health is compromised.
So perhaps by looking at your excessive compulsory behavior as unhealthy, for instance and choosing to abstain from it so that you can be be healthy again, it is not such a bad deal. Right?
Hope this helps,
Wolf