Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
I have posted for advice before. My husband of 10 yrs has a problem we have addressed it many times in counceling and therapy. I have recently finally seperated from him and he is now begging and pleading for me to come home. I have been deeply hurt by this man for years to which he says i didnt let him know as much as I should've. I realize that I was a enabler on alot of things but is it unfair of me to be just done. I feel so done. I love him but i feel like its never going to change and how will I ever know if it does it is such a easy thing to sneak around with and I feel its not worth the stress anymore. I have 2 kids with this man and I do feel I have given enough of my time for him to change over the years. Am i being selfish?
If you would go back with him again, ask yourself what you would hope to accomplish that wasn't accomplished in earlier similar episodes? What would you hope that he would do differently this time? And as you asked, how would you ever know that he hadn't gone back to his old ways again?
An addict has to make the decision to get into recovery. No one else can make that decision for them. Not their partner, not their kids, not the legal system. Until the addict is ready to change things and turn their life around, nothing will happen. And they need to make these changes for themselves, not for anyone else. It doesn't sound like your husband is at that point yet. And to honest with you, he may never reach that point.
So, you need to do what you think is right for yourself, and for your children, and keep your husband out of the equation totally. It sounds like you've made your decision, so stay strong and take care of yourself and the kids for a change. Quit worrying about him. He'll either get into recovery or he won't. And there's nothing you can do to push him either way, although the separation may work as a wake up call for him and show him how he is destroying his life and everything that he loves. One can only hope!! I wish you and the kids the best, and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers in the days and weeks to come.
And it may help to limit communications with him because he's going to try to manipulate you to change your mind. He's going to blame you and try to make you feel like YOU are the one with the problem, and who knows better how to hit those week spots than he does.
You have kids, so there may be a need to communicate about them. But perhaps you could do it only via e-mail, or have a temporary go-between handling visitation hand offs. My parents have done that for me and my ex, and things started going more smoothly for everyone.