Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.

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Help Please

tempesta
tempesta
My husbandf found out I was on this site(my fault did not sign out) and he was so upset with me that I think he has a problem. and just today I get another Email welcoming us to some adult sex chat site he was next to me and I said real nice. His come back I didnt do anything it just popped up so I didnt mean to click it. Sure!!!! I said well it doesnt pop up on msn so maybe you should stick to those sites. I dont know how with everything else in our lives sucking if I can take on one more negative maybe it is just easier to try to ignore for awile till our life with all the other drama cools off. My problem is he so doesnt think its a big deal. he has a problem with this and also pot. We have a very stressful life right now we are moving due to foreclosure. My husband only has work for another month unless it snows (we live in minnesota so there is a really big chance of it). Is it fair of me to expect so much out of him when there is so much stress for him? Maybe he needs these outlets Please someone help me understand or give me advice on what to do Im so tired of being miserable and fighting over this and so many other things.
deleted_user
deleted_user
No it is not unreasonable for you to expect YOUR man to take care of you. "Outlets" are an escape and you may want to get some counseling , or join a support group.

If he wont get help then you need to. Don't sweep it underthe rug or ignore it, the situation will not get better on its own.

read the posts here from the other spouses
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi and welcome to the group

I think you will benefit from a few things that has been posted in the Spouses group, so I'm giving you a link to give it a bit of a read.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/spouse-of-sexaholics/discussions/messages/8503268
ChooseThisDay
ChooseThisDay
He needs intimacy, not outlets, not sex (perse). The problem is that he, and you are not likely to be able to be intimate until well into recovery. The stress of being actively addicted to porn or sex is far worse than loosing a job or almost any other trauma the world can dish out. Trust me, I have been there. It is not about the stress, it is about the tools he has to cope with the stress. If all he has is porn, then that is what he is going to use.


Ask him to get an accountability filter, like covenant eyes, and ask him to find one or two men to be honest with. If he is not ready, then the answers will be *%(*)&^^*&)(R&)( b O&*&)*&^(&)(& P(&&^*. If he is ready, then facing the addiction will reward much more intimacy than him continuing to medicate his pain.

Life is painful, but it is just as joyful. Ask him if he wants to continue going around medicated, and numb, or really experience those highs and lows, in his heart. That is better I think.
Learningskills
Learningskills
What he is doing doesn't relieve stress, it adds stress to any already difficult situation. Stone is right. You need a counselor to help you decide what needs to be done. And, I can promise you, from personal experience, that ignoring even attitudes like that will not go away until you resist the urge to ignore them. Don't back up one inch. Insist on getting help.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My friends in MN are talking about snow, so at least that part of your worries might be getting better. Is there any news on the bigger problem? Is he still angry about you talking with a support group?

My H tends to get mad about me talking to people on forums too. This one, and another...less cause driven one. On that one we're all just long time friends.

To me, it seems like deflecting. It's like he tries to put me on the defense and gets angry about it ONLY when he's feeling emotions he's not good at handling yet (because his emotional growth was stunted by the addiction).

I find that there are about 7 "hotbutton" items that he'll get mad about when he's got some other emotion going on (or is angry with himself). It helped me tremendously to realize this.