Not sure how many know, but I am a late bloomer. A very long story, but I would live at home trying to take care of an alcoholic father and abusive brother until I was 35. It was then that my older sister and a good friend did finally convince me that I too deserved a life of my own and it was long overdue. So I finally got my own place and was so glad I did. Before this, I had never had sex with anyone.

As a young teen was shamed into not even daring to think about... let alone have sex.... so I was a "good girl"  I will share I did also come to think I was some sort of a freak as I did come up with some creative ways to play. Whatever could be wrong with me that I had to resort to this when anyone else could just find someone and hook up? But this was how I survived.  

So, at 35, I finally got a taste of what I had been missing. He was  about 7 years younger (perhaps even then I was a bit of a cougar? lol) He would learn very quickly just how to get just what he wanted (was a bit of a romantic too. God, I miss that)  A short time after I did also start to see another from work. This one would definitely be one I do regret now, but hindsight is 20/20. Both were simply FWBs... so in the back of my mind I think I may have been holding back a bit, knowing I was just a warm body til someone better came along. For a brief time after no longer seeing either one anymore, my best friend would drag me out and buy a toy. The fact is you can't miss what you never had... but once you do... wink, wink

Fast forward a couple years and I would meet my hubs to be. He would move in and we were married the following year. For the first 5 years, things were ok. Some sex, but not too often. But hey, that was better than nothing. Plus you think once you are married you now have an open option for sex. Well, guess what????  (I have come across many on sexless marriage who will attest to this. very big frown here) Shortly after this he opted to just shut down. I tried this for awhile, but I was only just beginning to open up and discover and learn about all that I have missed. I finally found a very stunted , buried sexuality... and it wants to be nourished and grow. 

I do admit I was drawn to things that were missing.. romance, passion, touch... someone who actually wanted to touch me and let me touch him. All 3 I had been with were 5 minute men. For late hubby, I do have to say that what they say... you don't use it, you lose it ... does seem to ring true.  After his circumcision, he did nothing... no sex, no touch, not even on his own.... and soon Willy did all but disappear. So naturally I wanted nothing more than to feel a hard thick cock pounding inside me.  But instead I would play it safe and not risk being hurt... and just invested in some toys. 

As I do now resort primarily to my toys I do find some pleasure in that.... and it occurs to me that  to have that... as well as a passionate sexy man to explore with (strong hands, soft wet lips and tongue) could do almost as well as the perfect enthusiastic stud. I think back and do recall that had Dave even considered or tried this for us, things could have been so much better. But he chose to give up. 

I am wondering... and perhaps realizing that many do make do and adjust to help their spouse?  For me, I think if our spouses did think enough of us to care or try, things would be much better and there would be far less of us in sexless marriage.

Hugs and gropes to all of us still missing and craving some hot steamy sex. 

PS I have ordered a new toy and now am anxiously awaiting its arrival.  Yes, I do currently have sex on the brain.  lol 

Also realizing my whole life have only had a 10 year window to even having sex... and that was far less active than I did prefer... no wonder I want to make up for lost time. (Very big, evil grin here)