Sex Offenders Wife Community Group
A place where wives, ex-wives, and girlfriends of sex offenders can share with each other.
8 years ago when I met my husband I was told he was a RSO. He was in an internet chat room over 15 years ago and it was a conversation with a undercover police officer- they tracked him and arrests were made. He was charged with intent and placed on the registry. What was to only be a short time change when laws made them life time. At the time it didn't effect us but now that we have a child in school I am a hot mess. We moved to our new home 2 years ago and had the best neighbors ever- sure I thought about telling them but didn't want to ruin things. One found out and told the rest and we are basically shunned in our own home. They claim they feel like they were wronged and feel uneasy living by us.( I kept trying to remind them his charge was intent and it didn't actually involve a child) One even went so far as to alert our daughters school (even tho they are aware and he doesn't go near it) that was the most embarrassing day of my life! I had another friend on Facebook randomly post on Facebook she had Searched the registry for fun one day and couldn't believe she knew people (I know she put it together) I have been upfront with a few people since who seem okay but I am afraid I won't be able to handle very many more blows when more find out. I will be crushed if bullying happens to my kids. How do you protect them?! How do you talk to other parents so they can still have friendships?! I am freaking out when all along I just blew it off until this point. I have thought about moving on acerage to avoid the neighbor thing but that won't help at school. Someone please help me who has been there...am I making a big deal out of this?? Would love to find people to chat with to keep strong right now.
When we had our first child in 2013 he freaked out and still does about the potential of someone saying something. As he was in the same house for 10 years he didn't have to keep announcing it.
Our neighbors were recently shocked to see him being arrested again and the past coming to light. So many explanations but the school and at least one neighbor have been helpful. Don't let it get you down. Snap judgements aside they could have found out with a simple google search. They are choosing to be offended and selfish.
Here's my story been married 8 years this week February 24 I have 2 beautiful kids with him and 3 beautiful daughters of my own I always know In the beginning of our relationship that he would watch pornography because I caught him watching porn 2 months after we were dating I raised my concerns to him since the beginning to stop he stopped for a while even attended 3 sex addiction classes in the past but 3 years ago it got bad and yesterday my world came crashing down
When I got home there was 2 officers talking to my husband at the beginning I didn't think anything when they left he told me they took his phone there investigating him for child pornography I still don't know all the details but he will have to go court
My best advice in this situation is to be as gracious and transparent with people as is possible and safe enough. The label of sex offender is so stigmatizing and triggering to most people. I would not go telling everyone, but I proactively reached out to my kids' school principals and spoke with them about this situation. I actively asked for their help to protect my kids from bullying, and they understood my concerns. Even some of their friends who found out about it have kept their secret, something I consider very admirable for middle school kids.
I was very open with my neighbor friends and actively asked for their support - not for them to condone or agree with what my husband did - but to help me protect my kids, who did absolutely nothing to deserve any of these consequences. One family has totally shunned us, but we have not been outright attacked, and if we were I feel like I have a lot of people who would come to our defense.
As for my kids friends parents, I'm a little more cagey here. I try and get to know the parents a bit and if it seems like the friendship is going really well, or if the kids want to get together for sleepovers, I make sure that the parents know. I have signed an agreement with my husband's PO that takes full responsibility for his actions if he does anything, and I'm required to be present whenever kids outside our family are at home. All of the parents I have talked to understand and have no issues sending their kids here and supporting friendships with my kids. It 100% sucks having these conversations and I am always terrified someone is going to react horribly or gossip. So far everyone has been really mature about it and there is no drama.
I would recommend anonymizing yourself on social media as much as possible and taking down any images of your family that someone could screen grab and make public in the event they chose to do something awful. I only use Instagram for sharing (since I can keep that to a list of approved followers). I went off of Facebook for two years, but rejoined with a simplified last name that can't be traced to me on a google search, and I do not share any photos of my family on that platform.
I hope this helps.
I have a podcast and YouTube channel that is gaining followers everyday. I'd like to share your story that you've written here. Would that be possible? You can email me at: hello@theoutspokenoffender.com if you'd like to chat more.
Hang in there...