Ok don't believe the story or what you see on tv about prison. It is for the most part boring. Tell him not to get into debt, stay away from gangs and tell him to rip up your address that you put on his letters this is to protect you and the kids.

Thank you @suchaslife I would’ve never thought about the address. And the thought of going into debt while incarcerated never crossed my mind, he was our families sole provider so there are many hurdles in our future in the way of that.

Set a budget its really important and set amount for for each month it gets expansive this prison thing.
Your welcome.

I recommend you become his Power of Attorney so you can take control of all the finances. The learning curve for you to be on your own outside is steep! Definitely set a budget...prison debt is real! My fiancé and I write letters every day, we talk on the phone for 20 minutes (we use a timer) every day, we use the prison email service and we visit in person twice a week, buying food and drinks from the machines. My monthly bill averages $250. He’s going to be in at least 10 years. That’s a lot, right? He has a good job inside, too, so he can order food and toiletries to supplement what the prison provides. Not only am I emotionally invested, but financially and physically. My life revolves around his availability. It sounds like you are willing to do this. It is very challenging. I also have discovered my capacity for love and have gotten much closer to God. Blessings!

@Scaredkitty thank you we did put power of attorneys in place ahead of time so that’s good to go. He will be doing the prison work program, and luckily he has a great best friend who is going to be helping him financially for his commissary so that for now I don’t have to worry about that on top of everything else. He’s not placed very close so I don’t know how often I will get to visit but I did prepare myself for what I know will be many ups and downs to come. I just feel like there’s so much I don’t know or how to prepare for that lies ahead, and being able to talk to others who’ve been there done that is going to be a good outlet. It’s nice to know there’s others out there who won’t judge.

Hi
So sorry to hear you have to deal with this! As someone who just recently dealt with the same thing I understand your feelings &concerns for your kids! People can be horribly cruel but.....I've learned they can also be tremendously kind! I was shocking to lose friends we've known for years and have people we've lost touch with or were not that close to, step up! There are angels out there for sure! This is a scary time, its confusing but....i told me kids....hold ur head up high, you did nothing wrong, people can be ignorant of facts and yes the media was pretty awful! You can do this, you can deal with it! Lots of tears have fallen here, screams at God and anguish like I've never known but...it does get...normal! I too was worried sick for my husband, SO and law enforcement, not a good combo but...he is okay! They will find him a safe place! Don't go by what's on Tv!! Hang in there and please know....you are not alone!!! You can contact me anytime...

Thank you @Missumuch I told my kids the same thing. We did nothing wrong, we will not hide our faces and will hold our heads high. I’m so glad I found this group! And yes I’ve been amazed at the people who have been reaching out to me, and those who haven’t. Thanks for your words of encouragement.

KT_Bee_97 it gets tough at times not gonna lie! Our family has hanged, not all has been good! Lots of stress on everyone so.... keep communicating! Its okay to be mad, angry at how stupid it all is and sad! Its okay to break down and then... you pick yourself up and go on....another day closer to him coming home! Do you know where your hubby is going? Hopefully it will be close to home, we were not so lucky in that area.....he is in CO, we are in TX so I drive up every 3-4 months to visit! We talk daily, that helps a lot, even if its only 10 min!
Talk to you soon.....always remember.....not alone

@missumuch yes I have definitely had my up and down days and I’m sure that will be a normal occurrence. We don’t know where he will be going yet, he transfers tomorrow about 4 hours from where he is now (which is currently only 30 minutes from us) but I’ve been told he should go to one of three places... of course I’m hoping it ends up being the closet of the three but we won’t know for another 4-5 weeks from what his lawyer told me where his permanent placement will end up. I have been talking to him every 2-3 days and tried to visit yesterday but with my awesome luck they had just transferred him to a new block and so it was no longer that day for visiting. So not sure I’m going to get to see him before they transfer him.

Hello Blur,

My so called Husband also cheated ion me with a 13 year old. Face it. He cheated on you and in the process destroyed your trust, his reputation, and his ability to make money to support the children he helped to bring into this world. What kind of message are you giving your kids? Do you really think that they will never find out about the hideous crime their so called loving dad did? If he really loved them, he never would have jeopardized their future by doing what he did. You are strong enough to take care of those kids without him. Those kids need a God Loving parent that trusts that YOU will find your way. It is ok to not have every new toy that EVERYONE else has. It's not a crime or a sin to be "poor." But it is Disgraceful to raise your children and allow another adult to persuade their mentality with their own ungraceful (sinful,unlawful, ) way of thinking about things. When he cheated on you, he was also cheating on them!!!!! Trust God. I have 4 kids. I was a stay at home mom that homeschooled. I left EVERYTHING behind and moved . We lived in a trailer! It is better to raise 4 good kids than it is to raise children with the persuasive influence of a bad adult, Your husband is a bad adult, Ask yourself this: Do you want your child to be just like him? Really what are you thinking? That you NEED him? You dont need that. Yes, betrayl hurts like HELL...It is a death. Are you as bad as he is? Is that why you dont feel akward saying that you want a life with him? Birds of a feather flock together? I have always said. " Bull....Me and my beautiful children deserve so much more. God says to stay on the path, Do not wander. Your husband left the path. Do not leave the path to stay with your husband. HE has to find his way back. Do not wait for him. You have a responsibility to your children that depend on you to show them the way.

Ok, so that was very strong of me to say. It is very hard in the first days; very confusing. My heart breaks everytime I think about the betrayl. Our poor children do need to be sheltered and loved. Giving them fake relationships wont help them. Infidelity hurts everyone and adults know this when they cheat. Some people are just selfish and unloving. Im sorry if my first response sounded very strong and insensitive. I just want you to be ok with you. It is very much impossible to have trust in a person when they cheat, lie, and betray. What type of parent would you choose for your kids? Your kids are gpoing to follow your footsteps now. Be careful where you step. Christ be with you always.

@TeachersEx-Wife first off I don’t know where you got that my husband cheated on me because that is not the case! He looked at pornography, and while NOT acceptable he admitted his faults and sought help for his addiction... sometimes things catch up to you even after you’ve sought help and he’s facing the punishment for something he did in the past. He had been sober for 12 years, and we’ve been married for 21 that’s not something you just through out like garbage! Also my children are all old enough that they knew what was going on, I do not lie to my children and so I was very open with them about what was happening and why their father is in prison now. They are all straight A students excelling in their future paths and becoming amazing young adults. I’m sorry but someones parents mistakes do not determine their outcome (yes it can have a toll on them and effect them if not acknowledged and handled properly, hence partly why my husband had issues cause of his horrible upbringing and ignorance about it his whole life from his whole family) it’s how you are treated and spoken to through out that process. My children talk to their dad at least once a week, and while hurt and are angry they are glad that’s he admitted his wrong doing and understand why he is where he is, and they still love him as that’s their father not the person that the cops came knocking on our door about. Remember God forgives all, the good and the bad. I pray every night that the Lord leads me down the path I’m suppose to be on, and my husband is doing the same. I am trusting in God to show me the way, thanks!

@TeachersEx-Wife, I have read many of your posts on this site and honestly I haven't found one to be helpful. Women/Men that come here need support not being told how bad what their husband/wife did was. You talk a lot about God, but the bible also say in Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” and Romans 3:9-20 “None is righteous, no not one…” So get off your righteous horse and be helpful in stead of spreading so much hate. "In an world where you can be anything, be kind."