Sex Offenders Wife Community Group
A place where wives, ex-wives, and girlfriends of sex offenders can share with each other.
I should start by establishing that we are not by any means married, we have been dating for only 4 months. Over the past 4 months we have felt that we have fallen so deeply in love with eachother, with the mutual suggested hints of future marraige and spending our lives together, and now everything is being put to the test as I learn more about who he was/is, what he lives with, and what it means for his relationships past, present and future.
He recently confided his dark and troubling story to me, which begins with himself experiencing a lack of parental love in his household, as well as a specific horrible instance of sexual abuse by friends in his youth, and leads to him molesting his daughter that he only met after she was 8 years old, and raised her until assaulting her when she was 15. Of course there is a great deal of complexity that has to be worked through to comprehend the incomprehensible.
I cannot speak to anyone about this that is in any way involved in our lives as it could of course could cause a great deal of drama, confusion and incredible pain.
I have had infinite questions arise since the first attempt of telling me his story, and I am desperate for help in reasoning whether or not I continue to try and understand and show empathy and compassion for the complexities of his psychology from traumatic experiences that could possibly lead to such terrible mistakes - for the sake of perhaps acceptance with intent to continue our relationship, or at this point do I invest more effort in protecting myself (a survivor of various sexual abuses as well) from the pain that is caused by this story that will maybe never have enough answers...
There are so many details that push and pull me through a torturous contemplation that tries to balance compassion through reasoning against inherent, infinite pain, confusion and questioning.
I am looking to hear maybe from women that have been able to accept their partner's pasts, or not accept them and what that has meant you and your loved ones' lives... Where do you go from here?
While I’m the last person to judge, it sounds like your partners crimes were on the severe side offending (a very young victim and over a long period of time). I would suggest you consider what psychology problems or devenat tentedancies are at play and how successfully theses issues can be treated.
I’m not sure if you want or have children, but that should also be considation. Sex offender registries differ around the world. Restrictions from a register may dramatically affect your life and those of any potential children.
I don’t mean to sound negative. I just want to spare you the hardship I have had to endure.