Sex Offenders Wife Community Group

A place where wives, ex-wives, and girlfriends of sex offenders can share with each other.

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DragonGirl32 08/20/2017

Hello all,

I don't know if anyone is even still on this site since the last post looks like it was back in December of last year but I just need someone to talk to. My fiance was just convicted this year and is a registered sex offender. Before he met me, he entered in a relationship with a girl he believed to be 19 and she was 15, going on 16. The charges were brought against him by the state we live in (they were going through police reports and found the one where he was pulled over and had 2 minor girls in his car and decided that it seemed odd so brought her and him in for questioning, at separate times...yes, this was like over a year after it happened) and not by the girl or any family/friend of her. We had just started dating when he got the letter that the police department wanted to talk to him. As soon as he found out what was going on, he was honest and upfront with me about everything. I have been to almost every single court date with him. I have seen her video interview and heard his. She lied to him about her age, admitted during her interview that she lied to him and that he did not know her true age. She also admitted that as soon as he found out about her age, all sexual contact stopped by his choice. His story and hers matched from day 1 so I know he wasn't lying to me. During trial, she lied on the stand and his lawyer failed to call her out on it. He had a public defender who did nothing for him. The state's attorney were horrible to him. They even went as far as to say that when he found out her age he "threw her away like a piece of garbage". They made him sound like a monster. He was never arrested, not once in regards to this situation. He was never sentenced to jail either. He lived with me and my daughter (his step daughter) during the whole trial. She knows nothing about this. We fought this for over 2 years. The state's attorney's closing argument was that he should have known better since he was the adult and kids make bad choices and she made a bad choice but he should have known better. He was found guilty of 3 accounts of sexual contact with a minor. He is not classified as a child predator nor is he classified as a pedophile. He took his assessment and is considered a level 1 with a very low risk of being a repeat offender. He was sentenced to 3 years probation, and 80 hours community service, $700 in court fines, as well as he has to go to SO classes...which he has to go once a week and it's $50 a week. He lost his job as a result of his conviction (although he has since found a higher paying job, so that was actually a blessing in disguise). We had to petition the court, which was approved, to allow him to live with me so he's legally allowed to live in my house. Until we are married, he can't be left alone with my daughter, myself or another adult has to be present. He is not allowed to go to her school for any reason. He can't go to any park, forest preserve or school. We couldn't even take family pictures where we wanted to because it is in a forest preserve. Once we are married, some of the restrictions get lifted but not that much. He is required to register for life though. He did file an appeal and his lawyers are in the middle of reviewing his case so we are praying so hard he wins. If he wins, he gets taken off the registry and I believe they have to expunge his record. However, if he doesn't, there is no hope for him to even apply to be taken off the list...regardless of his behavior. My daughter's father does not know and I'm worried everyday that he's going to find out and try to get my daughter. My fiance has already stated that if it comes down to him leaving in order for me to keep her, he will leave no matter how much it hurts. We are looking to move and buy a house but we can't live within 500 ft of a park, forest preserve, or school...and in some counties a daycare center (even home based). I am so worried if we move and the neighbors find out that it's going to be hell for us. I'm so worried for him and us. People won't bother to find out the truth, they'll make assumptions. I'm so mad that this girl gets to go on with her life while he has to deal with this and he can't live a normal life, where's the justice in that?

Tavisyh 08/21/2017

Oh girl! That really, really sucks! Your story sounds nearly identical to my husband's. I'm so glad for your man that he doesn't have to serve prison time. That being said, it will be a rough 3 years getting through the probation. You can do it. Just jump through the hoops and keep open communication with the probation officer.
If you guys don't get the expungment now, ask if he can reapply at a later date. A friend of our lives in Idaho and told us they have lifetime registration, but in 10 years she can apply for expungment or something as long as she has not gotten into any trouble.
Every state is different, so it might even be worth checking the surrounding states' regulations to see if a move would make things easier for you guys.
If you have any other questions or just need to vent, feel free to message me. You are not alone in this!

DragonGirl32 08/28/2017

Thank you! It's so hard. We have done everything by the law. He goes to his classes and is doing his community service. He has paid off all his court fines. He stays off of all social media outlets and doesn't even TALK to any female that he doesn't know personally so that there's no chance of any possible miscommunication. It's just hard because he currently can't go to her school or any type of activity she's involved in. We can't decorate the outside of the house for any holidays...no Halloween decorations, no Christmas lights, nothing. Inside we can, but nothing outside. It's so hard trying to explain to a child why we can't decorate outside when we always used to. She has no idea about any of this and it will stay that way until she is 18 or we HAVE to tell her. I'm worried about her dad finding out because he's an a**hole and wouldn't even bother to hear the details. Granted, he does have court ordered permission to live with us and once we are married, it will be harder for her dad to do anything about it, but I still don't want him knowing. I also wonder what it's going to be like when we tell her that she can't have sleepovers or anything like that. Eventually people will start questioning things and I have no idea how to handle that. Where we live now, we know our neighbors and even though they don't know what's going on, they know us. I'm so worried that if we move, people will find out and won't respond kindly. Honestly, I fear that if the community finds out, I will come home to him being beaten or killed or one of my animals or even mine and my kid's life in danger because people feel the need to take "justice" into their own hands. I know that sounds like an episode of law and order or something but the sad thing is that it does happen because people do judge.

Purplecavalier08 09/11/2017

What state do you live in?

DragonGirl32 09/20/2017

Illinois

Smalls44 09/20/2017

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. But i am also facing the same thing with my husband. Its very hard to deal with When people dont want to hear the whole story. Jusy keep your head up and if you need a friend dont hesitate to ask/talk to me.

Cat74 09/26/2017

Hi ...I can relate to your story...my fiance had a relationship with a 15 year old girl when he was 23....the girl had lied about her age....the girls mother approved of their relationship but when the father found out all hell broke lose....he ended up pleading guilty for 2 counts of lewd and discivious behavior with a minor under 16..he did not go to jail and was released of probation.....this was back in 1994....fast forward to now he was married for 14 years has 3 kids....the ex-wife left him for another guy mainly because she got tired of his low and limited income...he's been working in the same factory for 14 years....he is divorced and I am divorced..I have a 9 year old boy that lives with me and has visitation with his dad....well my son's dad knows and has met my fiance but does not know of his record....we want to get married next year.....I am just heart broken because I called the sheriff's office today to find out if he could move to my house and they told me NO because I live within 2000 feet from a school...also that if he moves the new community will be notified with a Flyer about him moving in!!? Really?! He has not have any incident or any other criminal activity since 1994.....not even a parking ticket!!! I feel so discouraged...I feel this is to harsh of a consequence and it's for life!!! I love him with all my heart but I don't know if I can handle living in fear....and not be able to live together...and maybe putting custody of my kid in Jeopardy...too sad....

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