Sex Offenders Wife Community Group

A place where wives, ex-wives, and girlfriends of sex offenders can share with each other.

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Fof1991 03/12/2019

I am with a man who was convicted of child pornography. He was 19 and is now 25. He served a year in prison and has been on probation the rest of the time. I love him so much but don't know what steps to take in order to gain the trust I need from him. To know it won't happen again. Am I ever going to be able to do that? Will we ever be able have kids of our own? Is it possible them to change? He's gone through all his rehab and realized the reasoning behind his conviction and why he is the way he is. And had been making changes to becoming a better person. I just don't know what my life is going to look like and was hoping someone with more experience could guide me in the right direction. My family does not understand why I would want to be with someone with so much baggage and not have a family and he will never be around my cousins and so on and so forth. I'm just having trouble figuring out where to go from here.

Thanks in advance.

Scaredkitty 03/13/2019

My fiancé is a registered sex offender and is in again for reoffending. I attend S-Anon (sanon.org), a 12-step group for friends and families of sexaholics. I am learning to take care of myself while maintaining a healthy, loving relationship with my guy. Best wishes!

Fof1991 03/13/2019

Thank you for responding. Do you mind if I ask. Is his for child pornography? Or was it more than that? I'm just trying wrap my head around this whole thing.

Scaredkitty 03/13/2019

I let him tell his story. I try to focus on what triggers me to obsess about him.

brknhrt 03/23/2019

Have you been to any of his counseling with him? Do you know what his plan is to avoid triggers and relapse? Sorry if this is a stupid question, but do they allow him to have any kind of phone or computer now, and if so, how is it monitored? If he has any kind of monitored devices, could you sign up to get copies of the reports? My son is in counseling and will hopefully avoid a conviction but those are some of the things we are doing to try to help him.

Fof1991 03/24/2019

I haven't been to any counseling yet. He's supposed to look into it but it has to be really been a priority to him which makes me concerned. He only has a phone and since he's on probation it is monitored. He doesn't have access to my computer and when he uses my phone I'm right next to him. But I do fear what to do when he gets off probation. I k ow we both can't live with me questioning him all the time. That's not a healthy relationship but I don't think I can't NOT ask him or question what he would be doing.

broken1003 03/26/2019

Could you install a spyware thing to monitor his devices? Might give you a little peace??

Fof1991 03/26/2019

I've thought about that. But didn't know if asking for that made it seem like "I didn't trust him" which at this moment I don't but will I ever?

broken1003 03/27/2019

I know. Unfortunately, hes gotta get over it. Trust is broke and he needs to prove he can be trusted. That's my opinion. Id say its probably the very least he could do. Start with "do you wanna help me trust you", "here's what I need you to do to help that".

Fof1991 03/27/2019

That's very true! Thank you! I needed to hear that!

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