Sex Offenders Wife Community Group
A place where wives, ex-wives, and girlfriends of sex offenders can share with each other.
While I am not really new here I haven't posted much.
I guess today is a day that I really need help.
My husband was arrested in 2016 for child porn. He claims to have an additction to porn, not CP, and in a group that he would continually download there were pictures of children that he never saw. He does say he has an interest in 16, 17, 18 year old girls. He also claims he has no interest in a "live" person. His rehab counselor backs all of this. I do strongly believe him when he says that he has never touched a child. I would have never let him come home otherwise.
He is disabled and has always been the stay at home parent. My children are really better off with him in thier lives. We have all learned so much about the legal system and SO. We had to move as we know he will be on the SOL and our home was 4 ft to close to a daycare. My children and I have had friends and family walk away and refuse to have anything to do with us. Their resoning is that "we must approve of what he did as we lived with him and there is no way we couldn't have known."(we didn't) DCFS has been in and out of our lives. They removed my husband while investigating him and dropeed the case when they found he was not a danger to children. My children and I get the nasty comments and judgements from others, but I believe we would even if he wasn't living with us.
While he was charged with 3 counts of viewing CP he has not been convicted yet. We were very close to a plea agreement where he did 90 days in jail or house arrest depending on how the judge thought his disabilities would affect jail time (see how much it would cost the state for medical and other needed provisions) 4 years probation afterwards, continued with rehab, no unsupervised internet use, and be registered as a SO.
That was all thrown to hell last week when we found out our 15 year old daughter is 5 months pregnant (she didn't know either).
Now the judge has to deciede if he can live with the baby and if he can if he can babysit while our daughter is in school. DCFS is back to make sure he is not a danger to the new baby that will be living in the home. He is ordered that when the baby is born that he have a DNA test done to make sure that he is not the father of the baby. Both he and my daughter say that he has never touched her! And while he has permission to be alone with our children, he has to have another adult present to be around others. So now we have to try to get permisssion for him to be "alone" with my daughter's boyfriend (the baby's father).
Sooo... once agian our lives are being flipped upside down because he felt the need to look at porn / CP.
However, the angry days do happen especially when we are disrupted yet again because of his acts. My friends have been ok in the end but I don't socialise much. It's my family who've hated me for staying. It makes me sad that they hate me. They call me all sorts and both my husband and myself have been falsely accused of horrendous things.
Like you, my children are better off with their dad. They love him. He loves them. He has never touched a child nor would want to. But he's not allowed unsupervised contact until the sentence. So family life is difficult. He can't live with us but visits daily and I have to be in the room always. He's like my shadow in the house and where I go, he goes. It can get tricky when I need the bathroom.
Yet despite all this disruption, I know in my heart that it is the right thing to do and I'm putting the needs of my husband and children above mine. I see the bond growing between my children and their dad and it reinforces my decision to support my husband.
Through all this, I've found my faith again and so has my husband. So if this is what it took for us to find the true meaning of life then so be it.
There's more to this life than we are told. Society is judgemental and condemning. It's so hard to put up with. Just know that we are all here with similar stories and we don't judge you. In fact, I think you're a fantastic person and really kind and caring. You're going to make a brilliant grandmother. I'm sure once you get over the shock, you'll be really excited with a new baby and you'll all need each other more than ever.
I'll pray for your family and hope your husband is allowed to be grandfather and allowed to help care with the new baby.
I believe babies are sent by God to help us grow in love for one another.
Lots of hugs and congrats!!!