My fiancé is a level three registered sex offender in NYS. He was 19 and met her sitting belly up to a local dive bar near the high school. She claimed to be a 17 year old student. Unfortunately, he didn't check her ID before he took her home for sex. After he'd had his fun, he made it clear she should collect her belongings and have a nice life. Totally outraged, she called the police and claimed he raped her. When her parents arrived at the ER, the really big bomb dropped. She was not a high school student; she was not 17. She was 13 and his life was effectively over.

For the next 15 years, he was in and out of jail. When you're the scourge of society, very few will hire you and even fewer will allow you to live on their property. His parents were gone. He was young and on his own, shacking up with whatever woman would have him and not ask many questions. That led to a couple of baby mamas and subsequent child support he had no means to pay because he couldn't find work, and he went back to jail. He did hard drugs to kill the despair and stole more than one vehicle to facilitate his habit. He went back to jail. Eventually he decided all hope was lost, and back out on the street, he stopped caring completely. He repeatedly failed to register as an offender and when parole came knocking, he ran. He went back to jail.

I met him online 18 months ago. He lived in another county, but after chatting for two months, he had my attention. He was outgoing and exciting. A tough guy. Sexy. Very different from my first husband, who I'd left after 20 years of marriage when his alcoholism led to infidelity and abuse. We went for tacos. He was fun and interesting. Had a take charge attitude and didn't give a hell what anyone else thought. I was onboard. Several dates in, I asked myself, do you really want to have a long distance relationship with this guy? He's hours away. He lives in a crappy apartment with roommates. He's broke. Yes, yes I did. We became lovers. We spent as much time together as possible. Every weekend, longer when we could. I still don't know what possessed me. I was beyond crazy about him and he was responding in kind.

Two months in, he told me he was in love with me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I told him he was crazy; he couldn't possibly know that after such a short time. (I was full of shit; I was in love with him and felt like I had been forever.) But he had to tell me something and would I please hear him out, because it was gonna be really bad and he needed me to listen. Listen to everything he had to say, and give him a chance. My heart dropped. He told me everything. I screamed at him and we cried. Sex offender. Felon. Career criminal. Parole. 

I told him it was over. He was a criminal and a liar. He agreed, yes, he was both of those things but he was in love with me and wanted us to have a life together. He asked me if I'd have gone out with him if he'd told me up front. Of course not. Would I have seen him again if he'd told me on our first date? Obviously no. Then he asked me if I could see things from his point of view. I could. He called his parole officer and asked him to confirm everything he'd told me about his criminal history. He did. And when I hung up the phone and I stopped crying, I was still in love with him. 

We tried to be normal. He was 37 and just wanted a happy life. I met his daughters and what little family he had left. He met my Son, my very small family, and he got my drunk ex in line very quickly. We told no one what we were hiding. He asked me to marry him. I said yes.

We kept up our long distance relationship  for a full year. With me by his side, he was actually going to complete parole on the street. We'd then get our own place in my hometown. For the first time in a long time, he recognized he could have more. We had plans. He stayed out of trouble and did everything he was supposed to do. He was dedicated to making a life with me and our kids. Parole wrapped up and we got a place. We were broke, with me being back to work for the first time since COVID and him stuck with whatever laborer jobs he could get. Lots of interviews. Lots of background checks. Lots of rejection. We stayed the course. We initiated a very small business of our own. Picked up some cursory customers and decided we would get married in Vegas as soon as my divorce was final. We would fix up our credit as much as possible and save what money we could to buy a house.

Two days ago, everything shattered. I was at work when he called me crying. The US Marshals came to the apartment we shared with my 13 year old Son. The landlord (who knew nothing other than my fiancé's alias) was present to witness the whole thing. They informed both of them that my fiancé  was a sex offender and he had an open warrant back in his home county. He told me he was going to jail and asked me through sobs if I thought he'd been doing good. Yes, he'd been doing good for 18 months, then he made a fatal mistake. When I asked him how we'd handle the registry after we moved, he told me it was taken care of. Turns out in an effort to keep our secret, to ensure I would maintain custody of my Son and stay in the only apartment we could get, he decided he would registered at a former address back home. He thought it was the best course of action and I failed to press him for specifics. We were happy. Against all odds, we were making it work. I don't know who turned him in. It doesn't matter.

I haven't heard from him in over 24 hours  and I feel like I'm gonna die. Being without him is agony. I lied to my Son and told him one of his exes made up a false allegation about a sex offense because he owes her a monstrous amount of back child support. I told him not to tell his Father or anyone else what happened. He's accepted my explanation for now but the jig is up. My ex is going to take him from me; it's only a matter of time. The landlord was momentarily satisfied with a similar explanation, but he's already asking questions about exactly how my fiancé spells his name and what town he's from. It won't be long until he knows we lied to him and throws us out. We have no place to go.

My fiancé was able to make one free 60 second call to me from the county jail the night this happened. He is supposed to see the judge on Friday and told me I can probably come get him Friday night and bring him home. I was very briefly ecstatic. Then I remembered.... his record is atrocious. If they release him at all, it will probably be with the stipulation that he can not leave the county he's currently in, hours away. If he comes home to me, how long will we have until court? This is his third D felony for failure to register. A sentence of two years would be a miracle. A sentence of seven years plus much more likely. He'll have to register. And then the game is over.

So, what's next? I already tried going to bed so I could wake up from this horrible nightmare, but that didn't work. I guess Friday we'll have our answer. Regardless of what happens, I'm coming clean to my Sister this weekend. Hopefully, she hears me out because I need her love and support. If he is released, we're going to have to tell the landlord the truth and ask him to give us time to relocate. To where, I have no idea. My Son will probably have to move in with his Father. We'll have to tell them both why. And if he doesn't come home? If they remand him until court when he gets his sentence? (I lose him for years.) Do I tell the landlord I didn't know? I was taken advantage of? (I lose him for YEARS.) I could beg him to let me finish the lease. I could tell everyone the love of my life went away on the child support charge. (AND I LOSE HIM FOR YEARS.) Now we wait to learn the length of our punishment. I go to work and pretend all is well. I'm running out of fake smiles. I can't breathe.

Apologies for the diatribe. If anyone has any insight that might make me feel less like performing a swan dive off the roof, now is the time. Thanks, ladies.