i haven't seen or spoken to my father in 15 years. I was 14 when he was arrested for soliciting to a minor ( online undercover detective... he traveled to meet "her" for a sexual encounter and was arrested). Turned my life upside down. But strangely I was not devistated. He was mentally abusive and I had been in the process of trying to get full custody with my mom at the time (they had joint custody). My dad was not an all around terrible father. He was hard on me. He pushed me. He was very present and involved.(I danced ballet and he was a proud dance dad; hindsight that is creepy) Broke me in some ways. Called me names made me feel small. Punished me for no reason. I felt very trapped. But on the other hand he taught me some of the very most important things in my life. He shared his love of the outdoors with me. Told me I was beautiful. Told me he loved me. Taught me to work hard and have strong work ethic. Taught me to help people. In a lot of ways he was a great single dad.  I feel like I'm a good strong person and I owe a lot of that to him. It's a very confusing relationship I have with him and at the end of the day I know it will always be this way on some level. I think he is kind of a sociopath. If he can't control you then he doesn't love you. He really mostly loves himself. He tries to come off like he cares but you can kinda tell it's all self serving behaviors. Even when he was helping people over the years when I was growing up doing odd jobs always lending a hand to a friend... I see it was to enjoy patting himself on the back. Anyway that is just the basic background I guess there is a whole lot more to that story. So now I am married with two daughters and I'm about to be 30. My daughters have never met there granddad.my husband has never met my dad. We have tried to stay in contact here and there thru emails over the years but he gets fed up because I can't "get over it" like my feeling should expire after 15 yrs. I know he wants to be in My life. And sometimes I'm interested in being in his. But after all this time I don't know how. Fear of the unknown I guess and sooo much time! My husband and I planned a trip to see my dads mother in a few weeks (she can't travel and because of my estrangement from dad I don't see her enough) I called to remind her the dates and she tells me he will be visiting the same day