Seperation and Divorce Community Group

Anyone who wants to talk about how they are feeling in regards to getting separated and those who are divorced

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mmsesano 03/05/2017

i am new to this but need some hope, somehow. My wife just moved out after 10 years together. No kids so I guess that is good. I am a mess. Sleeping is not my issue. All I want to do is stay in bed and sleep. I don't want to go to work, don't want to see anyone, don't want to go out. People say you have to force yourself, keep yourself busy....why? yes it takes your mind off of it for a minute but when reality sets in, it comes crashing back and the pain is horrible.

And here's the thing, they say it takes two to tango, relationships are complicated, blah blah. But what if you realize you are the one that caused the breakup. What if you realize she deserves better than you. Not by cheating or being "abusive" but just by not being the man she wanted, not acting on things she was asking of you, not hugging her everyday, adoring her and making her feel loved. What if there was so much resentment built up that it caused you to drift apart. How do you deal with the fact your marriage could have been saved if you just listened to her and gave her what she wanted.

how do you every get over being the one that screwed up your marriage?

hugabus 04/18/2017

My wife left 7 months ago
Been married 18 yrs we've tried marriage counseling twice. Didn't help..ive been in individual counseling the entire time..nothing is helping. I'm not sleeping eating can't concentrate at work. Thank God for FMLA
I know how you feel. I guess I have to accept it and get strong as everyone says. I know that's true but so hard.
Wish I could give you advise but I can't ...good luck

Painfuldivorce 04/19/2017

@mmsesano. A few minor changes and your journey mirrors mine. I beat my self to pulp as my ex wife effectively magnified every little inaction in my part that lead her to fall out of love with me. I too was so willing to fall on the sword and take the full blame, but it does take two to make it wrong or right.

But having separated and reflecting on our relationship as a,whole, my wife played her part in us drifting apart but I looked at it as a rough patch in a long term relationship and chose to comit to the sum of our journey as supposed to laser focusing in the fixable set backs.

I don't believe there is a perfect marriage unless couples reach certain level of emotionsl maturity and I think most of us can step up to the plate if we see our loved once are in it for the long haul.

You seem honest and once you recognized the seriousness of your relationship, you could have stepped up if you loved her. I didn't get that chance and it appears you didn't either. We are not a perfect being, but we can all do better.

Nurture the better version of yourself.

sjs777 04/30/2017

read about divorce busting and the 180 method - each has helped me get by and set the best possible stage for reconciliation or at minimum to make me the best me i can be

sjs777 04/30/2017

for me learning about divorce busting, reading the book the 5 love languages and learning the 180 method helped me get on the right track

Laura1977 05/24/2017

If you want to sleep instead of forcing yourself to socialize, then sleep. Forcing yourself to do things is not going to help you feel better. You are physically and mentally exhausted and your body is telling you that you need to sleep. Maybe just don't go cross the line into the whole not getting out of bed to shower or go to work and regular daily activities. You have to maintain at least that minimum or you will lose it and not get out of bed. - I caught my husband of 13 yrs. cheating on me and kicked him out 2 months ago (even though I'm still deeply in love with him) he has already started a whole new life with her. I'm nearly financially ruined, intensely depressed and I do not want to get out of bed. But, I do- and I do that minimum and it keeps me sane.

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