Hi, I'm new to this group. Recently, my husband and I separated after our marriage counselor recommended a temporary separation. We've been married almost four years and we dated for two years prior to that. Throughout our relationship, I've felt lonely, unloved, and unimportant. I've tried numerous ways to share my thoughts and feelings but this was often not received well. My husband has numerous methods of manipulation he employs in order to get what he wants. It appears his motive is to make it seem as though I'm always in the wrong and that my feelings are not valid for one reason or another. He does not respect my boundaries and makes me feel like I'm a terrible person. 

Last summer, we had a friend move in with us. This friend was helpful and attentive. Despite my best efforts to ignore my growing affection for this individual, I eventually shared these thoughts with him. He felt the same and we kissed. Eventually, my husband asked him to move out and I was inconsolable. He stated he could not deal with this friend being there while we were having issues. One evening, I decided to muster the courage to tell my husband that I no longer loved him. Understandably, he was upset but it escalated from there. Everyday, there was a new onslaught of insults and blame (in my direction only). He demanded I get help stating that I only felt this way because my mental health was suffering and that it had nothing to do with how he's been treating me. I sought help from local mental health experts and spent three days in inpatient psychiatric care. 

Since then, I have an individual therapist and a psychiatrist. The process of adjusting my medications is on-going along with my therapy. However, I still felt sad and alone knowing this friend I felt so strongly for was gone. I wrote about it in my journal (journaling was something my therapist encouraged). My husband read my journal, took pictures of my journal entries, and distributed them to his friends. Instead of asking me directly, he thought it would be helpful to get advice from friends. Things went really downhill after this. We have engaged in numerous arguments that inevitably end with me crying and leaving. While I know what I did was wrong and that I should have told my husband, I was unsure of how to tell him knowing he would be upset. I accept responsibility for my actions and I have apologized for hurting him. 

Currently, I'm trying to focus on whether or not I want the relationship to continue. My primary concern is my husband's inability to change. He will say things like "I've read this or that and it's helped me understand how I've mistreated you". But the next day, he will say things like "I'm not going to tell you how our son is doing. You can come and find out for yourself". He's threatened to get full custody of our son and not allow me to see him. If I do not comply with his wishes, then he will berate and belittle me until I give in. Since our separation, I've been setting boundaries with him and he continues to violate them. Our marriage counselor recommended very little contact with each other unless it's about our son or bills and etc. Otherwise, emotional exchanges are prohibited. He will send numerous text messages or messages on facebook messenger. I have very few moments of peace even though I no longer live in our home. 

What am I supposed to do? I am being true to my core values, setting boundaries, and being honest about my thoughts and feelings. I have no interest in hurting my husband further but the same does not ring true for him. I feel alone, hurt, and lost. Any advice?