Self Hate Syndrome Community Group
This is a group designed to offer support to people who believe they are fundamentally bad and deserve to be punished. Here we can learn to stop the unholy war we have been waging against ourselves.
I went to the therapist today to get help with personality disorders. I was informed that I have PTSD I'm not sure what that means in its entirity I know I have delt with my past pain but maybe I dealt the trama as a child with the needs of a child. I need a better adult way of coping everyone says I have coped well but when your not normal it doesn't matter how much you have done it only matters if your normal because no matter how hard you work until I am normal everyone will still see me as strange and different. I do believe I have come far. My therapist says with my issues she is surprised I am not a meth addict so I have come a long way. None of this matters if I still dread abandonment see things in black and white and stare at people too much. I guess I need to feel that I am worth loving I don't think if I was someone else I'd love me but I also realize that there are people who do love me. I'm not sure if I can love myself until I fix my issues first but I may note be ale to fix my issues without loving myself. Choices choices.
Don't wish too much to be normal. What is normal anyway? Nobody is truly normal because we are all unique. To me it seems that a "normal" person is someone who blends into the fabric of humanity so well that they are almost invisible. Society tries to make us all alike so that no one stands out, yet it is the ones who stand out that we most admire. The rebels, free-thinkers, pushers of the envelope, inventors, etc. all knew scorn until their unique genius was understood. They are the ones we admire, even though we put down anyone who is like them. Aren't we a strange species???
I say, "Celebrate who you are!!!" Yes, heal your wounds. But do not desire to be too normal (a.k.a. invisible). Our world needs you - your unique ways of being and thinking. We need to see you, to feel you, to experience you - not you being like someone else. You're part of the grand puzzle. If you change too much, some part of it (the unique part of you) will be missing.
Love yourself by loving who you are, wounds and all. I think you are an awesome person and I am proud of you for being so brave to face your past. Just don't forget who you are because you are good. You have been a faithful friend to Steve and to me. You are an important part of our family. Remember that. We will be rooting for you and praying for you. Keep us informed of how you are doing and let us know if there's anything we can do to help you. (((hugs)))