I would like to here your details if you care to share...
I am at my ropes end without any hope left...

It is a supreme irony that only through what looks like hopeless defeat and utter brokenness do the greatest victories come. Being shattered beyond all human aid and desperate beyond desperate has been for me the greatest gift I ever had. The greatest moment in the history of the world was when it looked like the ultimate tragedy-when they killed God. Surely all was lost, right? But no, out of the ashes of that seeming defeat life and victory and hope emerged and the greatest of all victories was won. We tend to look at things from an unspiritual perspective. We envy and praise those who are happy and prosperous and successful. We loathe ourselves because we are none of those things. We feel worthless, like the scum of the earth. I don't know if you have ever read the Bible but it sets for a very different perspective and worldview. Jesus physically touched and healed the supreme outcasts of the day-lepers. He hung out with and showed great love toward drunkards and prostitutes. He said it is the least who are the greatest. It says that He has chosen the weak things the things that are despised, the things that are nothing for His purposes. That is me to a tee. From the world's perspective I am an utter failure beyond any hope of redemption. I have crossed every line and have been cast out and spurned by many. I have tried and failed time and time again. My inclination has been to try very hard and then give up in absolute discouragement and then be tormented with guilt for walking in foolishness once again. Drugs, booze, manic madness, empty promiscuity--you name the pit and I have plumbed it's depths.
Now as I said, at my lowest, most desperate and hopeless point--when suicide was next--God has met me and lifted me out of the dunghill and the ashes. He is comforting me in my mourning, He is freeing my from cruel bondage, He is giving me beauty for ashes. How do I know it is God? The fruit of it that is how. My tree was withered and blasted beyond all comprehension. Never in a million years could I fake or in my own efforts produce the good things that are coming now. My defeat is a gift as it drove me to my knees in utter desperation. The God I serve is the only one who can turn impossible situations around. There is nothing He cannot do. Knock and keep on knocking at His door, seek and keep on seeking, ask and keep on asking and I guarantee He will respond. We must press in until we find the victory only He can bring. If He will forgive and embrace and love me of all people then I know no one is beyond His aid.
Take heart and don't give up my dear friend!

Thank you for sharing some of your story, Steve. I often feel like a failure, and it is comforting to know that God hasn't given up on me.

Mal66...I hope that you feel better soon!

I am starting to go back to church myself now. I am finding God back in my life to. Thanks for sharing....