Welcome to the group! I am glad you joined us. I hope you stick around and keep opening up as you have done here. It is hard when we didn't get the nurturing we deserve when we were young to have a good self image. When you are a scapegoat you tend to feel you are just plain bad. My situation wasn't as bad as yours but I can relate to your feelings. I am so sorry you went through this. There is a tremendous amount of good in those of us who tend to feel we are worthless. I have seen it here many times in the support that is given freely. I know you to be a wonderfully supportive and caring person and I hope you will gradually begin to see that in yourself. It is a struggle but it is imperative that we learn to refuse the lies our inner critic (who probably sounds like your mom) constantly barrages us with. I have found that progress in overcoming self hate comes in spurts. I progress and then fall back into the pit. Self hate is a great evil. My worst depression comes when I am really down on myself. My wife (who is a member here) tries to encourage me but I can barely hear her encouragement when I am in that self hate mode. Your capacity for love in the midst of your extreme suffering is clear evidence that you are not who your parents told you you were. You are a hero in my eyes. Thanks for being so honest and open with us.

Thank you Steve. Your encouragement and support means so much. You are so deeply thinking and caring.
I do have an internal critic in me who is the voice of my mother. I wish I could silence her completely, but she is always lurking. You are right about progressing and then seeming to fall back again. It is so painful because I feel the huge disappointment and then the self hatred comes and I feel like a failure again. I am sorry you are battling this too. Sometimes it is just too dark for almost any light break through, the soul and the psyche is a mysterious gift. There are so many layers and realms of us inside that we have no conscious awareness of, it is almost frightening.

Hello there! I want to welcome you to our group, too. You will find it a place to heal and help others heal. Everyone is very honest and supportive. Steve sets the tone for us all. Hopefully, hanging out with us will help you not feel so lonely. Being alone a lot can be hard. I've been through that - like when you don't want to bother your friends because they all have their own lives to live. I did a lot of reading and praying. I also watched interesting talks on TED.COM. Have you ever seen that website? That whiled away the hours without wasting the time. At least I was learning something! I wish I had known about DS back then because it would have helped me heal faster.

Then, on May 21, 2010, Steve appeared in my life again. (We had gone to high school together.) Such love! I had never known it. So, hang in there. You never know when life will change for the better. Just do what you can to be ready for the switch. Like the sun rising after a long dark night - joy can come in the morning.

Write more! Sending hugs...

Hello. It is lovely to meet you. :-) Thank you for the welcome. I am sorry you too have felt so lonely. I have felt like that too, that I did not want to bother my friends. A lot of them did not really understand depression and have disappeared over the years. I am pleased that you found comfort in reading and praying. I used to read and pray a lot too, but cannot read anymore because the depression is so bad. Thank you for the TED.COM.
I have not heard of it before, I will have to visit. I used to love learning and miss that, but I tell myself that I am learning in other ways now. Wish they were not painful! I wish I had known about DS years ago, it is such a caring community.
I am so pleased you were reunited and found each other again. It must have a great day for you both.
Thank you for the encouragement. I appreciate it. I long for joy to come in the morning and am fighting so hard to let it in.
sending hugs back... :-)

Welcome to the group,

I can identify with alot that you have said. I am glad you are here and this is a caring group and I hope it helps you to heal. Sending warm hugs.

Hello welcome to the group. My name is Guy. The first thing that came to my mind was a question. Have you ever heard of alanon? It is a group of people that have family or other people in there life that have a problem with alcohol. They learn how to live there lives and take care of themselves. There is probable a meeting in your town or city some where. Look for them in your phone book or join the group here at DS. The most important thing you can do is take care of yourself. I will say a prayer to my higher power for you...good luck....love you

Hi welcome to the group. I can identify with the loneliness. Looking forward to getting to know you.

lorM, Thank you for the welcome and hope for my healing. It helps knowing others understand and are so caring. Sending warm hugs back. :-)

GDJ1957, Hello Guy. Thank you for the welcome, and praying for me. I have been to alanon. I went years ago, but had to get a lift there because I do not own a car. It did help, but I do not think there is one near me. I have thought of trying to go again, but feel so badly depressed and am suffering with ptsd now that it is a struggle to leave my flat for any amount of time. Thank you for the suggestion. I appreciate it. I would like to go again. I long to feel better first.

mollgirl, Hello and thank you. Lonliness is an awful feeling, and when I am badly depressed I feel so lonely inside, but I feel that way most of the time now. Flat inside. I feel for you with lonliness. Looking forward to getting to know you too. :-)