I just got out of a year and a half mentally and emotionally abusive relationship... I have a history of dating men like this because I had always felt like its all I deserve. The men that raped me and molested me when I was younger had always said that to me.. Guess I never got past their words... I was finally able to leave my ex as of yesterday... For the 100th time I caught him cheat on me using craigslist and told him that i deserve more, at the very least a man that respects me and will not cheat.. He use to point out every. single. flaw! If i had a pimple, he'd point it out. A mosquito bite, a scar (old cut marks), my hair is messed up, lost too much weight, i eat and drink unhealthy, even how i made my sandwiches! Anything he didn't like, he always pointed it out. He would make me feel so low about myself that at one point, when I was living with him after being kicked out, I was ok with him cheating, as long as I had a place to live. He would yell at me for crying or even looking depressed. He would tell me that I'm a mood killer. When I was having medical issues, I was told no sex for a week by doctors, (our sex life use to be the only good thing), during that week he turned around and told me I'll have to get over me not liking to perform oral on him (I was forced when I was younger, causes flashbacks) after that week he wouldn't even look at me, touch me, nothing. I'm happy it's over! But his words along with the other men that hurt me, their words keep going threw my head. Along with being told a month ago by doctors, I have PCOS (I don't ovulate), and chances of having children naturally is out of the question, I would need medication and/or invetro, It made me start getting even lower, feel less of a woman. I need help getting my self esteem up, I meet with a therapist along with a psychiatrist, for my PTSD and Bipolar Disorder. I have been told by friends that I need to "Find myself" I don't even know how to do that or where to start! Any help, maybe new friends? Depression is getting worse and worse, I can only act like I'm okay for a while till I crash.