As your name says, it's a healing journey after what we've been through. You'll have your bad days and you'll have your good ones. You'll have those times when your emotions jump from nowhere and attack for what seems to be no reason at all. Don't "should" all over yourself and the progress you've made. It isn't easy to see how far we've come in our own recoveries but we can see it readily enough in others. We're too close to the situation and can't see the forest for the trees. You'll make it through each day...maybe each hour...to the best of your abilities so long as you continue to try. Remember, you're not alone...you have friends here and, little doubt, where you are as well. You've done the right thing in reaching out. Now take a deep breath, tell yourself that you're stronger than you think, and remind yourself that you're not alone. Then take it one day or one step at a time until you reach your goal. We're here for you and we KNOW you can make it. Take care and know we're here for you. Blessed be and peace.

Thanks for replying Wasit.

Beliefs are not simply born; they are created. So, somewhere along the way, you have picked up the belief that it is wrong to feel your emotions. It may not have been the spoken word, it may have been social osmosis.

The challenge now is to explore the origins:
- How were the emotions of those around you treated? Was there ever a negative reaction to sadness or fear?
- What media messages were you exposed to and how were those handled?
- Who taught you that expression of "negative" emotions equalled lack of healing?

You asked, what's real? Reality is emotions. They don't always follow a solid line and they don't always behave the way we want. It hurts because it is supposed to. We're sad when it is sad and we feel fear when the situation is scary. << This is the only logic on emotions and the only logic they need. Will rape ever stop being horrific? No. Will we ever stop feeling violated by it? No. Will we ever find a way to cope with those feelings of violation and sadness? Yes - via acceptance and compassion and not erasure.

Your healing is not erased because you show emotions - believe me, there is NO healing found in the absence of emotions. RAR talks about how we often feel like we are taking backwards steps but there are, in fact, no backwards steps in healing. We never lose the healing we do.

i think that there will always be times when we get upset.

I agree with heptet that emotions do not invalidate your healing.

Wasit is right, we are here for you. Take it slowly and be kind to yourself.

@ Heptet

- How were the emotions of those around you treated? Was there ever a negative reaction to sadness or fear?
** I need to think on this

- What media messages were you exposed to and how were those handled?
** Media Messages? I'm not sure what you mean. I mean I understand that media is TV or magazines or newspapers but I"m not sure what you mean by how they were handled.

- Who taught you that expression of "negative" emotions equalled lack of healing?
I think for me it's not so much that the expression of negative emotions mean a lack of healing, but more so that specific things that were making me upset, I felt shouldn't have made me upset.

@celtichope
Thanks for responding.

"* Media Messages? I'm not sure what you mean. I mean I understand that media is TV or magazines or newspapers but I"m not sure what you mean by how they were handled. "

Well, it's a bit like what we have here. We read about some ridiculous claim a politician makes and we sit and discuss why it is ridiculous. I actually made the connection of twilight being abusive via discussions here. Or, it brought out into a tangible form things that had maybe hopped in my head and then out of it.

So, really it is a question of whether there was an adult or other person who was helping you to form your own views of the world. - I don't think there are many that do it

" I felt shouldn't have made me upset. "

I think you know my next comment... But, why? You don't have to respond here but it may help to look at whether you are minimising in some way.