Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
Violence against women is the most prevalent and the most hidden injustice in our world today. What has been missing from this narrative is the condemnation of these behaviors from other men, especially men in positions of power, authority, and influence -- like those in our pulpits. In a section of that book, I say we need to establish a firm principle: the abuse of women by men will no longer be tolerated by other men. The voices of more men need to join the chorus to make that perfectly clear.
It's time for all people of faith to be outraged. It's time for our Christian leaders to stand up and say that women, made in the very image of God, deserve better. And it's time for us in the faith community to acknowledge our complicity in a culture that too often not only remains silent, but also can propagate a false theology of power and dominance.
The first step to addressing this crisis is acknowledging it exists, even within our church walls. The next is to do something about it.
-Jim Wallis
For this SUPERB article on sexual violence and religion, see http://sojo.net/blogs/series/sexual-violence-and-the-church
It's time for all people of faith to be outraged. It's time for our Christian leaders to stand up and say that women, made in the very image of God, deserve better. And it's time for us in the faith community to acknowledge our complicity in a culture that too often not only remains silent, but also can propagate a false theology of power and dominance.
The first step to addressing this crisis is acknowledging it exists, even within our church walls. The next is to do something about it.
-Jim Wallis
For this SUPERB article on sexual violence and religion, see http://sojo.net/blogs/series/sexual-violence-and-the-church
I didn't read the article yet but just from that statement alone I'm curious because Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Baptist Church has done a lot of preaching and teaching on not being abusive and he talks about about sexual abuse / rape. He takes males to task about their behavior.
I'm not affiliated with his church or his faith tradition but I did find some of his preaching videos on YouTube.
I read a book recently called Proverbs for ashes by Rita Brock and rebecca Parker which was written in response to churches who preach about men being the head of the house and how women must 'turn the other cheek' - even when they experience domestic violence. They met with women who had been very damaged by this teaching and so try to explore some helpful responses.
I have found the church quite a difficult place to be whilst on my journey of recovery. But, I keep hoping that it will be different, I hope that gently and subtly I will be able to at some level influence for change
Thanks for turning me on to the work of Jim Wallis.
I had divorced myself from the church years ago because I could not reconcile the messages being preached with my own experiences or the experiences of other women I knew.
Then, I could not say exactly why I couldn't reconcile the messages and my experiences, but today I know it's because of the often subtle, but very harmful, messages of inequality being taught from the pulpit.
Like unfurling, I too, want to be an influence for change because it must happen.
SuzA
http://theburnerblog.com/arts/books/mark-driscoll-thinks-wives-are-only-good-for-sex/
and:
http://theburnerblog.com/arts/books/mark-driscoll-chauvinist-views-on-appropriate-roles-in-marriage/
I haven't read his book so seeing excerpts out of context don't provide me with enough of what he said to understand the entire passage of what comes next in the narrative.
I've only heard some of his words via YouTube and there was nothing reflecting submissiveness in a bad way. In fact this particular clip talks about a silent and compliant wife not being someone who just basically gives up and goes along with whatever. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2E6zLZwZqNs
He says abuse is wrong, and disrespecting women is wrong, so if he's preaching one thing and living something different, I can't say but I don't see anything wrong with him saying that abuse is not acceptable http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCDWN2FSV38
Like I said, I'm not of his church or his faith tradition but if you watch these clips and see a pig and sexual bully let me know what number on the counter to re-watch.
On those links are many, many quotes from Driscoll in which he advocates very explicitly for women to be submissive, especially sexually. Frankly, I'm not sure how he could create ANY context in which those quotes are even remotely acceptable, but since he wrote an entire book on the subject, it's hard to defer to "out of context" to soften the critique.
Driscoll also asks his followers to join him in mocking male preachers who aren't macho ("So, what stories do you have about the most effeminate anatomically male worship leaders you’ve ever personally witnessed?" from his Facebook wall, attracting over 1000 anti-gay slurs from his followers). That's bullying. I confess to a bias here, because Driscoll used the phrase "that's all just gay" to mock one of my favorite theologians, Brian D. McLaren. Homophobia is routine vocabulary with him; when asked to apologize, Mark said instead, "Well, it seems that Brian McLaren and the Emergent crowd are emerging into homo-evangelicals." Yikes! That's frat-boy gay-taunting if I ever heard it! (Brian McLaren has lectured at my church).
Here's another quote from him; let me know how you could construct any context for this to be anything other than sexist (trigger warning):
"She [the wife] says, “I’ve never performed oral sex on my husband. I’ve refused to.” I said, “You need to go home and tell your husband that you’ve met Jesus and you’ve been studying the Bible, and that you’re convicted of a terrible sin in your life. And then you need to drop his trousers, and you need to serve your husband. And when he asks why, say, ‘Because I’m a repentant woman. God has changed my heart and I’m supposed to be a biblical wife.’” She says, “Really?” I said, “Yeah. First Peter 3 says if your husband is an unbeliever to serve him with deeds of kindness.” [Laughter from audience] How many men would agree, that is a deed of kindness. He doesn’t want tracts. Those won’t do anything. What we’re talking about here could really help."
Now, my conclusion after reading that is that he's a pig. If you missed it, here it is again: "You need to drop his trousers and serve your husband." That is sexist, it's abusive, it's misogynistic, and there are many, many women abused by religious leaders who need to count on men to condemn this kind of garbage, not teach it from the pulpit. Imagine working with a rape survivor who's trying to reconnect with God. Now imagine she runs across Mark, who tells her something like this. Does she feel empowered? Liberated? Holy? Religious language that cheapens women isn't okay, it's shameful. And anything that shames women is a form of abuse.
Now, a man can give lip-service all day to the notion that men shouldn't abuse women, but when he turns around and says this stuff, it makes his condemnation of abuse pretty hollow. Or to put it another way, I'm a man who condemns the abuse of women, and you will never, EVER hear me trying to teach audiences the things Driscoll is saying. Why not? Because it's grotesque! Because these attitudes don't heal abuse, they justify it.
Video on submissive women: http://www.opposingviews.com/i/religion/christianity/pastor-mark-driscoll-compares-nagging-women-water-torture-video (Dirscoll describes women who nag: "They’re like a dripping faucet. You ever tried to sleep with a dripping faucet? Plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk. It’s what we use to torture people who are prisoners of war. A wife is like that. They’re quarrelsome. They’re a nag. And some women. You’re a nag. You’re disrespectful. You’re quarrelsome. Being married to you is like a life sentence, and the guy’s just scratching on his wall every day.”)
This is the milder stuff. Driscoll has issued many more teachings that are so vulgar I don't even want to link to them here. The contexts from which they're excerpted don't change any of the implications of the quotes; Driscoll is unabashed about teaching this stuff. Interesting that there's no such thing as a Driscoll sermon about disrespectful MEN, while there are plenty about his views on what makes a disrespectful woman...
I think if you are looking for people to speak out about issues of men and women from a Christian faith tradition, there are many other places to look in addition to the Driscoll teaching. I know he has a great following in the States (not so much over here in the UK) and there must be a reason for that - he is a charismatic personality, a good speaker and has a wife who clearly loves and supports him. I think he is one voice in the picture and there are many others to listen to who provide balance and a different perspective.
When it comes to preaching out against domestic violence and sexual abuse, he came to mind as someone who did that. So that's why I brought him up. I haven't come across anyone else that has been as vocal that wasn't someone in a secular anti-violence program.
There are preachers who speak to victims / survivors who try to help them but he's the only one that came to mind that talked directly about domestic violence / abuse being unacceptable.
If he is allowing negative behavior on his Facebook page, I would agree that it isn't acceptable and to allow it doesn't fit in with Christian behavior as I understand it.
The Bible, as I understand it, discusses Christ as the Head of the Church. Then goes on to state a man is the head of the household JUST AS CHRIST IS THE HEAD IF THE CHURCH. I cannot imagine Christ ever being guilty of domestic abuse or demanding anything of his wife. The picture I have is of a man who REVERES his wife, because Christ reveres the church. In other words, if I have it right, Christ is the example of and for the husband. Christ leads with gentle loving kindness. He never raises his hand against anyone but uses parables to teach. If THAT is the example of a man for his position in the household, then he would raise his wife up. He would honor her. He would NEVER demean her or order sexual things from her.
God was used as the reason I was sexually abused as a child. I have tons of reasons to stay as far away from teachings about men, women, and what God demands. But, I choose a gentler version of Christ. I have to.
A local pastor here told my niece, while he was counseling her to be married, that "...every now and again you must rape your husband...he will appreciate it, and it will bring you closer to the woman God has called you to be". OUTRAGE!
I'm highly triggered right now. I'm not sure any of this makes any sense.
Horrific.
He is wrong on every single count.
Problem is writing such a study has so many facets to get it "approved", most men who are prominent church media authors, won't focused on this topic. At least none have thus far, that I'm aware of.