Excerpts:

Narcissism tends to peak in adolescence and decline with age. Psychologist Frederick Stinson and his colleagues conducted face-to-face interviews with 34,653 adults and found that men are more narcissistic than women across the lifespan. Male and female narcissists both share a marked need for attention, the propensity to manipulate, and a keen interest in charming the other sex. This bent is so strong that some psychologists, including Jonason and graduate student Nicholas Holtzman of Washington University in St. Louis, argue that narcissism may have evolved as a strategy to secure sexual partners in the short-term. The ways in which narcissists of both genders pursue their quarry reinforces this possibility.

Women who score high on tests of narcissism consistently dress more provocatively than their more modest counterparts; male narcissists resort to displays of wit and braggadocio —in other words, both narcissistic men and women engage in time-tested sexual strategies. They also report more short-term hook-ups and a greater desire for this type of union. This relentless short-term focus is a key to both their dark charm and to the predictable downward trajectory of their relationships.

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While narcissists often love the sound of their own voice, they don't always sound pretty to others. Nicholas Holtzman and Michael Strube found that subjects who scored higher in narcissism engaged in more disagreeable verbal behaviors, arguing and cursing more--and using more sexual language than their more modest counterparts.

Narcissists' language and demeanor is often geared toward one objective: to maintain power in an interaction. Psychologist Anita Vangelisti of the University of Texas at Austin found that tactics in the narcissists' toolbox include bragging, refocusing the topic of conversation, making exaggerated hand movements, talking loudly, and showing disinterest by "glazing over" when others speak.

In the sexual realm, promiscuity is a key strategy that allows narcissists to maintain control...

Matt...I read somewhere that for the DSM V, they are elimanting about 5 personality disorders...with Narcisstic one of them. Have you heard anything along those lines and if so...what are your thoughts on it?!

OMG! My dad is one! He is also a Sociopath he beat my mother and she divorcied him (look up Narcissistic injury) she is now trying to get away from him. There is also a co-dependent personality that attracts narcissistic personality. They are the servers and the fixers that are weak to the charm. The Diva is the repellent for this personality. My father can't stand me because I am very honest and I don't mind calling him out on his bull. My father told me when I was very young that I would never be smarter than him so for years I took lots of enjoyment in throwing it in his face.

Men who are like this cause me to wonder if it also makes them more prone to rape because they feel intitled to sex when and whith whom they want and rape is a form of control.

The reason for eliminating it is that more and more people are coming to believe that narcissistic personality disorder is just an entrenched form of borderline personality disorder (Otto Kernberg, the renowned expert of BPD studies, supports this). Now, if they get rid of BPD ,that'll be something. As for now, it's staying.

The other ones they're considering removing are Paranoid, Schizoid, Histrionic and Dependent Personality Disorders.

One problem is that there's a HUGE gap in the experiences of researchers and clinicians who actually work in-person with these disorders. For example, I've heard professors say that they doubt any such thing as BPD. But I've never heard a therapist say that!

BrokenDreams, have you ever heard of the book "Children of the Self-Absorbed"? It's for people who've grown up with a narcissistic parent.

To quote Tonya..."Narcissists SUCK!" You married a very smart lady :)

Matt, thanks for the book tip I will try to find it.

I find it a bit alarming that the psyc commuity can not come together on this. I know from personal experance that Narcissisum can fall under many personality disorders and the shing about a sociopath is that when you read about it narcissisum is one of the key parts of the personality. The sociopath is a watered down name for psycopath and now they have watered it down again with something like anti-social disorder.

My father lacks empithy and whats even more frightning is that he has no concept of death nor does he value other peoples lives. I live in constent fear that I could one day marry a man just like him and not even know it or worse have a child that is like this. Is it genetic? No one can give me a streight answer because they don't know either.

Imagine - if you can - not having a conscience, none at all, no feelings of guilt or remorse no matter what you do, no limiting sense of concern of the well-being of strangers, friends, or even family members. Imagine no struggles with shame, not a single one in your whole life, no matter what kind of selfish, lazy, harmful, or immoral action you had taken. And pretend that the concept of responsibility is unknown to you, except as a burden others seem to accept without question, like gullible fools. Now add to this strange fantasy the ability to conceal from other people that your psychological makeup is radically different from theirs. Since everyone simply assumes that conscience is universal among human beings, hiding the fact that you are conscience-free is nearly effortless. You are not held back from any of your desires by guilt or shame, and you are never confronted by others for your cold-bloodedness. The ice water in your veins is so bizarre, so completely outside of their personal experience that they seldom even guess at your condition ~ copied from Inside the mind of a Sociopath

.Narcissistic Personality Disorder involves arrogant behavior, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration-all of which must be consistently evident at work and in relationships. People who are narcissistic are frequently described as cocky, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. Narcissists may concentrate on unlikely personal outcomes (e.g., fame) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment. Related Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic. Narcissism is a less extreme version of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissism involves cockiness, manipulativeness, selfishness, power motives, and vanity-a love of mirrors. Related personality traits include: Psychopathy, Machiavellianism. ~ Def from online psyc dic

These "dissorders" are so intertwined it is hard to unravle them. I think there should be a def for some one who is both at the same time. It seems that people like this are becoming more prevelent within the public as a whole but Hollywood makes it acceptable to be this way because it is a money maker and very entertaining to watch. Look at the Casy Anthony trial! Look at OJ Simson and look at all the celebratys that have been losing their minds latly Charly Sheen anyone!!! If I wasent going into nursing I would be a Psycologest and make this my main focus.

Matt - could you explain why Narcissistic Personality Disorder will be absorbed by Borderline Personality Disorder? I have read both and my mom seems to fit NPD more than BPD?

Here is an interesting website that I found. It is about mothers, but includes other stuff.

http://daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/ ...

My dad is so the sociopath. My mom is a narcissist. She is a malignant narcissist with some other stuff thrown in.

Amy, I'm afraid I probably couldn't do a good job of it because I don't understand the full rationale. I don't share that view, and do believe they ought to remain separate diagnoses.

I have to say I was not impressed by the article. A lot of the supposed traits that define narcissists, also define decent caring business people, artists, musicians, and anyone that frequently needs a public game face and has a professional responsibility and obligation to make a good first impression.

The only thing here that I think really marks a narcissist is this line:

"Because control is so important to narcissists, they can abruptly lose their charm if destabilized or threatened. This two-faced behavior is often the first clue to their true character. They get angry when rejected, overreacting to small slights and punishing those who do not support their grandiose image of themselves. One study even found that when spurned, highly narcissistic individuals "punished" other research participants who had nothing to do with the rejection itself."

Non-narcissists understand that they are playing a perception game, but they are not bound to it. On the weekends you'll find Madam Shark happily puttering around in her garden in jeans and a tee-shirt. On Tuesday morning a non-narcissist may be in the boardroom or the classroom deliberately manipulating the situation to keep themselves in control. Generally this is something we WANT a teacher to do to keep kids safe and learning and a CEO to do to keep the company running smoothly. But later that day during a brain storming session that same narcissist CEO will pull back, and do everything in their power to make themselves in the background and make their entire team open up and put themselves and their ideas in the lime light.

Narcissists on the other hand can't turn the show off because it is all they have. That is the crucial difference. They can't turn it off even when the situation requires an entirely different approach and attitude. Whereas non-narcissists use control in an instrumental way to serve a greater good for fulfill their responsibilities, narcissists are simply addicted to control.

That very same teacher that is playing showman and disciplinarian needs to be able to switch gears to enter in the child's world when they are teaching or trying to resolve classroom conflicts. Narcissists can't do what a good teacher does - control the situation one moment and step back to let other people shine the next. Or if they do, they immediately point attention back at themselves "look at how good I am that I 'let' you shine".

In fairness, I should point out the article does mention in a couple of places that most of the traits listed for narcissists (other than the inability to turn the power plays off) is shared by extroverts. It also points out at the end that one way to pick out a narcissist is to see them in lots of contexts over a period of time.However, that isn't the drum beat of the article and I think the article makes a whole swath of very decent people suddenly suspect for being malignant a--holes.

Also I don't think the "advice" is enough. I think that advice misses a crucial reason why we often don't see narcissists even when we've had a chance to observe them. To see a narcissist for what they are, not only do you have to see them unable to switch gears when the situation merits it, you've also got to be willing to trust your sense that situation did indeed merit a different response and not blame yourself for expecting the wrong things.

That is easier said then done once you get pulled into a narcissist's circle. It takes loads of self-confidence because a narcissist has a lot invested in you not believing your intuitions about what is right. They will do their level best to convince you that any reaction they have is the exact right one to have and any expectation you have of a different reaction is downright unreasonable, over-demanding, oversensitive, immature, selfish, and pretty much any other pejorative they can come up with.

Yet hard as it is, knowing how to suss out a narcissist is very important, and not just because they are bad people to get too close to. Part of the reason why narcissists are SO successful at ensnaring people is because at first they look a lot like another kind of person that is a really, really good kind of person to know: an empowered successful person who knows when the lead and when not to, when to show bravado and when to show modesty, who knows that there is a time for everything and can be in different roles as needed with peace of heart.

It is important to know the difference - one is a person you really want in your life if you can find them and the other is someone you want to keep as far away as you can.

I agree. I did not find the article enlightening at all and felt I wouldn't be able to gleem traits in non narcissistic attitudes from narcissistic attitudes from this article. The only thing that might have helped was to provide examples.

The "daughters of narcissistic mothers" web site has some real life examples.

<<Non-narcissists understand that they are playing a perception game, but they are not bound to it. >> Interesting

My mom had narcissistic traits.

I don't think anyone should give "Psychology Today" a ton of credence, because it's not a clinical or academic journal. It's the "People" magazine of psychology. So it's not going to be very deep or accurate when it comes to a strict interpretation of a disorder. For example, the article might do a fine job of describing a "narcissist" using the colloquial term, but it's not going to describe a "person with narcissistic personality disorder" using proper clinical terminology. While "narcissists" can and do all of the things this article describes, a "person with NPD" conforms to a very specific criteria of symptoms. So in other words, take this article as if it were a conversational topic, not a presentation about the clinical disorder.

"narcissism peaks in adolescence"

Was that not commonly acknowledged before? I see that narcissism as part of the reason why teens are so difficult to be around sometimes. As "young adults" we expect them to act like adults and consider everyone around them but they are still growing out of the idea that they are the centre of their world. So they are very self-involved and act in their own interests.