It's hard to say. Doing this work has brought me to both extremes: the great pain of my life, and the greatest joy. There is a tendency to be attracted to this work for personal purposes, and many people become counselors in an effort to heal something within themselves (this is also true of drug and alcohol counselors). I was very fortunate not to carry personal trauma into this work that would be triggered by constant exposure to the stories of my clients, yet it has been a personal issue to a loved one of mine and therefore gives me the enthusiasm and passion for the work that I need.

I have learned that these are some necessary questions to ask before doing this work:
Are you hard on yourself, and do you tend to impulsively feel crushed when your efforts are disregarded by others? If you are a "people pleaser" or selfless to the point it's a problem, this is not the work for you. You WILL find that your best efforts, those you make with the sincerest of intentions, will occasionally be criticized, even despised, and dismissed as futile or wicked by some. You need to know in advance whether it will crush you, or whether you can weather that.

If you can't "save" them all, are you willing to choose? This sounds harsh, but there are some people you will meet in this work who just aren't ready yet to heal. You will know exactly what it would take for them to change their lives, but they won't do it. Again, if you are a savior therapist, you WILL exhaust yourself. If you can accept that there will be some who simply pass through your life without healing, and if you can accept that this is not a heartless realization but a very necessary one, you will do better.

Can you accept being misunderstood? You may have a positive and wholesome intention in something you are doing with a case, but the client will perceive it differently through a million lenses of her history that you cannot change for her. You will find yourself stunned when your genuine well-intended efforts are perceived in negative and condemning ways by some clients.

Do you have a home-based support system? I have found that I need my wife to come home to. She understands what I do, why I do it, and how I do it. I have her complete and total trust. I also have her as a resource, and she can "spot" me during tough times.

Do you remember details well? I have a near-photographic memory, which is REALLY helpful. You will need to have good recall of details, even being able to accurately summarize conversations from the past, to help a client's current mindset stay true and accurately guided. You'll need to think fast on your feet, and be able to draw multiple past conversations together in the "now" to develop your clients' insights.

Do you have a good spoken vocabulary? I have found that the ability to express emotional imagery has been FAR more important than any secondary skill, such as a working knowledge of "CBT" or "Dialectical Behavioral Therapy" techniques. It's been said that people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care. You must be comfortable talking about emotions, and using a clear vocabulary to transmit the images and sensations of such emotions between your client and yourself. "And how did that make you feel?" won't cut it. Debating a client won't cut it. But being able to show--not just say--that you understand the feeling of being wounded, isolated, disconnected, transparent-yet-hidden, and stunned goes so much farther than knowing which worksheet to use next. And it can't be an act or a script; when I share back with a client what her story means to me, it's 100% genuine, and she has to be able to sense it.

Do you have a mentor? This is sometimes different than a supervisor. A mentor is very hard to find anymore, especially in this area, and if you can find one, hang on. Don't look for a perfect role model as a mentor; look for someone flawed, human, fallible, but deeply committed to this. Someone who shares not only deeper insight with you, but shares their time, their humor, their encouragement. I was lucky to have one of the last mentors in my state, and his passing was like the loss of generations' worth of wisdom and compassion. My mentor was my guide in keeping myself balanced, while my supervisor was my guide in application of skill and method. Those are potentially different resources.

Are you willing to work crap jobs? You won't be immediately free to work in the area of your calling. You will have to work some crummy jobs at first, and grow slowly. I worked for obs I loved, and jobs I didn't love, in Indian tribes, residential addiction treatment, women's crisis centers, inpatient hospitals, and many more.

Hope this starts to help!

Hi, thanks for responding, I do appreciate it. Unfortuently I do fall short fairly early on in that I am way to hard on myself, my low self worth seems to get in the way of everything I try and do. I have been in active battle with this for a couple of years now and when I get negative feedback real or percieved it can send me on a real downer however I don't intend to let this stand in the way of me doing the things I want to do, I just have to work a bit harder with the self care than most.

I think my spoken vocabuary is ok bu tI know that something I have to work on is how I express empathy, I do struggle with this, i think it is partly to do with my difficulties with intimacy, I'm afraid of getting too close.

As for the mentor bit sounds great but no idea how I would get one!

As for crap jobs,so far I've been doing this stuff volutarily while still working at my 9-5, I'm not sure what the future holds but again thanks for your feedback its given me food for thought!

Being a therapist is an extremely intimate career. In all of the research about successful outcomes, the MOST important factor is the therapist-client bond, even more than technique or method. A lot of my own clients have told me that previous therapists did not help them because the therapists seemed aloof, cold, disconnected from them (Danee gave a public talk once about a therapist who would ask her to remind her what they had discussed i the previous meeting, because the therapist couldn't tell her apart from other clients!).

There are two great books to read that might help you decide this question:

"The Gift of Therapy: An open letter to the new generation of therapists and their patient" by Irving Yalom at http://tinyurl.com/opxgnc (examples: Create a new therapy for each patient; Engage in personal therapy; Use your own feelings as data; Blank screen? Forget it! Be real!; Do home visits; Don't be afraid of touching your patient; Never be sexual with patients; etc.)

"Letter to a young therapist (The art of mentoring)" by Dr. Mary Pipher at http://tinyurl.com/qv58m8

Thanks for the book suggestions I have read the first one (I love Yaloms books!) but I will have a look at the second one

Hi mayday,

I thought I'd explain myself in terms of my training. Initially I felt pulled toward counselling training and did the intro, and loved it then the level 2 and 3 courses in 1 year. the diploma was tough really really tough bringing together the skills and the theory whilst at the same time fully facing my past and my history and my rape whilst also getting to grips with client work. DS was invaluable to me. There were many times I felt as though I should have quit, but didn't recognising the need to repair my faith in the world and people around me and my greatest learning that I couldn't fully empathise with others until I could offer myself some empathy and accept it. The course itself taught me so much about my defense mechanisms as in a non threatening way I could see my self sabotaging behaviours and self defeating thinking and distrust of my own feelings play out.

What I did learn is that is Rome wasn't built in a day and my expectations need to be realistic. However passing my exams and qualifying as a counsellor was such a fantastic achievement but more so was the personal journey I'd simultaneously travelled. Given the gift of hindsight I didn't give myself time to enjoy the journey but then perhaps that was what I most needed to learn. "Life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced" Kierkegaard.(From the velveteen principles~thanks Matt).

Another consideration, learning in this field never stops, as a uk qualified counsellor jobs are few and far between and mostly on a voluntary basis, there is work out there but further down the line (much further) but I trust that will come at some stage. I treasure and privilage every hour spent with clients even those that leave me feeling challenged unsure and aware of my naivety as a therapist.

So my reasons probably were unconsciously for my own gain and also as a deflection from my own difficulties, either way I found I had to work through both of these challenges to find the therapist in me. It is not easy but I will never forget the journey and will always carry that sense of pride and acheivement.

As for you, check it out, if you want to be paid google the jobs pages and look at the minute amount of opportunities, be aware that the industry as a whole is under scrutiny from the government as an independent regulatory board is being set up and I'm uncertain if my qualifications will be incorporated within these guidelines and there seems to be a lack of information on this. The reality of being a counsellor is somewhat different to what I had perceived on the outset, my ideals of helping others and having the perfect work/life balance not even close! though I wouldn't change anything that I have done to get where I am now.

message me if I can help with any questions or want to discuss anything.

Good luck what ever you decide. All the best. Deb