Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
One impact of the retreat on the RAR discussion group is the tendency for the euphoria of the retreat to become so prominent in the discussions here. The inadvertent effect is that those who couldn't attend are overwhelmed in discussions about the retreat, which can overshadow our other conversations about non-retreat topics. Further, the necessity of posting frequent pre-retreat news items, updates, and instructions "clutters" RAR with the topic, which again diminishes other conversations that belong here every bit as much.
Would you consider it a good idea to develop a DS group solely about the retreat, so that news, instructions, travel planning, menu planning, Q/A, etc. can all be "quarantined" in a way that doesn't redirect the RAR group focus? The paradox here is that by developing a specific group, we might actually REDUCE the sense of ingroup/outgroup schism by keeping RAR itself oriented around its original collective purposes, thus "sparing" others from the (sometimes-endless) chatter of retreat talk. This is NOT a suggestion to develop a clique group, but rather to openly acknowledge the need for retreat discussion in a way that doesn't foist it on ALL forumites here. That allows RAR to continue its routine of on-topic discussion of the book, journals, advice, and other rapport.
Is this a good idea, or doomed to fail?
Would you consider it a good idea to develop a DS group solely about the retreat, so that news, instructions, travel planning, menu planning, Q/A, etc. can all be "quarantined" in a way that doesn't redirect the RAR group focus? The paradox here is that by developing a specific group, we might actually REDUCE the sense of ingroup/outgroup schism by keeping RAR itself oriented around its original collective purposes, thus "sparing" others from the (sometimes-endless) chatter of retreat talk. This is NOT a suggestion to develop a clique group, but rather to openly acknowledge the need for retreat discussion in a way that doesn't foist it on ALL forumites here. That allows RAR to continue its routine of on-topic discussion of the book, journals, advice, and other rapport.
Is this a good idea, or doomed to fail?
Keep us involved to a certain extent..if you need ideas for certain things..such as the t-shirts, it would be nice to be included in a discussion. I have enjoyed feeling part of the process, even if i helped very little with decisions :)
But a group where you can discuss the practicalities without feeling like you are imposing on the group is a good idea, no, a great idea.
I think that logistics and planning in a different group is a good idea. Certain things are better messaged for safety like hotels, etc.
* First, it splits attention having to go back and forth - DS doesn't really give a good way to monitor multiple groups.
* Second, i think there is a certain comraderie that is being built by the in-your-face presence of the retreat plainning. I think this is actually good: for example, the parallel retreat on the web wouldn't be quite what it is.
* Third, I don't think it is so easy to distinguish between the purely practical and the creative and inspiring. For example - where would the information on the T-shirt go? I love that image - enough that I seriously considered trying to figure out a way to get a T-shirt to Israel - I think it would be less if that had been hidden because someone thought the T-shirt a retreat thing.
* Forth, post retreat processsing - where would that go? where should it go? I seems to me, especially with a parallel on and off line events that there would be some cross sharing afterwards. But even if there were not, I think it would be good for the rest of us to see the enthusiasm when people return. Its OK if we feel a little left out.... if it motivates us to find more ways to create community throughout the year or gives us the courage to show up next year.
Maybe an alternative could be the OT (off topic) approach, i.e. start the retreat thread titles with "RN: " (for retreat news) or "OT-RN:" (off topic - retreat news). That might be just enough of a distinguisher to make it easier to separate out the retreat news threads from the main work of RAR.
Second.... wouldn't be quite what it is without the push from news of the off-line retreat.
Third.... "I think it would be less if that had been hidden" --> "I think it would have been a loss if that had been hidden"
I highlighted this sentence twice to make two points. First being to Matt. It really is great that you're thinking of everyones feelings and you wouldnt be you without that, but we all know that retreat stuff is going to come up around retreat time. We accomodate for it and there has been a good balance of topics.
(I sound like I am backtracking but I am not because I made this point elsewhere and then wobbled in above post)
I would hope that a member who is feeling lonely and left out would feel able to write that down and share with us so we can support them through it. Looking back I think there have been a few comments from members joining under the retreat shadow and they have been positive. People are excited that RAR is an all round experience..if they want it to be. How many other places are there like this?
Onto second point:
"Its OK if we feel a little left out.... if it motivates us to find more ways to create community throughout the year or gives us the courage to show up next year."
It was the influx of retreat topics that made me feel like we needed the non-retreat. I wanted something to look forward to and I think we could use a few more group bonding topics :)
And i think the thing that might happen because you cant link between the two very well is that the majority of our main posters (who retreat) will just hang out in other group. Leaving this group quieter for the lead up. So it might not be a click as such but it kinda creates one.
I can see why its a good idea to do separate groups but i also agree with keeping it together..so i am of no use! ;)
I like tagging idea too..some retreat stuff you know we wont find useful or particularly inspiring so you can just tag those. - Warning boring retreat stuff #100! :D
For someone who is new to this group, it's nice to see how everyone interacts with each other in a healthy way. They're having fun. This is most evident in the retreat posts. This type of interaction reinforces the idea that rape victims/survivors are capable of having fun. This is especially important for those of us who have not experienced "fun times" lately because we are troubled by the burdens of our past.
Please don't leave us out of the fun!
The difficult part would be someone having the courage to say..."I'm feeling a little left out because I couldn't/didn't attend the retreat"
I liked being able to talk about the retreat last year. And I know that feelings were a little hurt by those that couldn't come last year. I don't know that you can't avoid that kind of thing, but think it would be easier if the person feelings are made known and acknowledged and respected.
I think this was a great question to pose. I would hate for any discussion to cause hurt, leftout feelings in anyone. I think it's unavoidable in this type of setting, but now that we're aware of the possibility of this happening, maybe we have to opportunity to fend off any permanent rifts. Just my thoughts..
Oh and Elisheva, if you are really serious about wanting a T-shirt, I think we should work on a way to make that happen. What do you think?