Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
I sort of went off on a rant to someone via private message on FB. They had posted a picture of a group of kids heading off to a particular location for two weeks, they named the location and the picture was made public. There were no names attached but it still made me feel like it was a safety issue.
I learned the parents were totally fine with image being posted and possibly wanted it up on another website too.
I don't know why I'm always going to the worst possible scenario in my mind?
I came up with this analogy that it's like I'm at a train crossing and the lights are flashing yellow and I stop but I don't hear a train or see a train but I know I will probably sit there for half an hour or even forever because the lights are flashing even if objectively it appears safe, the lights are telling me otherwise.
I"m stuck in a world where the caution light seems to always be on, so how do i find a way to sit with the reality that bad and scary things can and do happen but that it shouldn't keep me from leaving my house or trusting others?
The spiritual part of me says to trust in God but even trusting in God doesn't mean bad things don't happen.
I learned the parents were totally fine with image being posted and possibly wanted it up on another website too.
I don't know why I'm always going to the worst possible scenario in my mind?
I came up with this analogy that it's like I'm at a train crossing and the lights are flashing yellow and I stop but I don't hear a train or see a train but I know I will probably sit there for half an hour or even forever because the lights are flashing even if objectively it appears safe, the lights are telling me otherwise.
I"m stuck in a world where the caution light seems to always be on, so how do i find a way to sit with the reality that bad and scary things can and do happen but that it shouldn't keep me from leaving my house or trusting others?
The spiritual part of me says to trust in God but even trusting in God doesn't mean bad things don't happen.
Trauma does have a way of making us hyper aware which can be to an extent greater than the actual risk involved. But, and this is the good side effect, it also makes us lift our risk assessment in some cases to where it should be - before we listened to everyone telling us we were being silly or melodramatic as we grew up.
I think you just need to trust yourself..or god if tht is your belief system. It's not that you're allowing fear to take over..it's that you've stopped ignoring your gut feelings.
@ Heptet, I don't know if my gut accounts for everything. There's an old saying that to every paranoid delusion there is an ounce of truth. I find myself sometimes fearful of things that perhaps realistically I shouldn't be.
@ StehtFest - I tend to have a pretty decent amount of hyper arousal. Being calm is actually so odd to me that when I try to relax it causes me anxiety because my body often doesn't understand it.
Didn't mean to upset her that much, but better now than when something really upsetting happens.
Well done, it sounds like you took a brave step and handled it very sensitively too.
I get shocked myself at how unguarded people are, at how many risks they take, and i think that is something that a lot of us have in common on this forum.
I think because we have seen that rapists / abusers are actually real people, we are more aware of the dangers that are around.
Hopefully one of the ways that we can bring good out of our pain is by protecting other people, and raising protection issues. I know I do that sometimes, and people can find it uncomfortable - as that lady did - but actually it is a gift that we are giving them.
This would be harmless if I knew him or had a child who knew him but I was a complete stranger and he was no more than 9 years old at the time. I went to his house and said to his mum had happened and that next time it might not be a friendly neighbour. She looked mortified but I'd rather that than something happen to the boy. Another plus was that she stopped making him play outside all day everyday under little or no supervision.
I was watching a programme about the police and they were called out to a missing child. This 7 year old girl had been gone 3 hours before being reported and her rules for bein outside were "back when it gets dark" at 7 years old and by herself! I wasn't even allowed out of the garden at that age and never left unsupervised for longer than it takes to make a drink unless older children were about. And I was always being told off for talking to strangers whilst I played. Stranger danger was a big thing as I grew up
Kids need to be kept safe....so says our protectors