Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
http://www.zurinstitute.com/choosing.html
Checklist for Choosing a Therapist
1. Seems warm and accepting. Has a sense of humor, however willing to challenge you when necessary.
2. Is emotionally healthy. Seems to feel at ease with himself/herself. Does not seem anxious, arrogant or depressed.
3. Does not suffer from a God complex. Decent, respectful, not condescending. Neither shows off, belittles nor demeans. Check walls for over-abundance or certificates, awards or prizes. Check for excess of jewelry, silver, or gold.
4. Is trained in talk therapy, not just in "pill therapy. " Watch out for someone who offers medication (e.g., Prozac) as the solution to your problems.
5. Accepts and encourages the idea that clients are entitled to shop around for a therapist before they commit. Is willing to talk to you on the phone for at least 10 minutes so you can interview him/her thoroughly.
6. Accepts the idea that consultation or second opinions may be helpful in the course of therapy.
7. Lets you explain your problems, doesn't tell you what they are prematurely or try to fit you into a standardized box (e.g., co-dependent, you have been molested, etc).
8. Is active and engaged. Quit right away if the therapist avoids discussions, does not answer most questions, or pretends to be a "blank wall. " Successful therapy needs ongoing dialogue and authentic relationships.
9. Has more than one clinical orientation and promises to fit his/her approach to your specific problems and not impose his/her pet approach on all patients.
10. Is flexible in terms of what is appropriate and helpful. Contrary to common practice, some clients can benefit from a walk in the park or a home visit; and a touch still has more healing power than volumes of words.
11. Is not rigid or paranoid about seeing you or engaging with you in the community. Accepts that you may bump into each other during religious services, your children's school or on the basketball court. Does not hide behind the professional persona.
12. Presents you with clear office policies, including limits of confidentiality, clients' rights, etc. Read the contract carefully before you sign.
13. Talks to you on the phone in between sessions if necessary.
14. While flexible in many ways, still maintains clear and healthy boundaries. No hugging unless you initiate it, no sexual innuendo, no business offers.
15. Seems professional, knowledgeable, and an expert (writer, teacher, supervisor) and above all competent, human and experienced.
16. Communicates well with parents when treating children and adolescents. A delicate balance must be reached between respecting adolescents' privacy and not keeping parents in the dark.
17. Does not focus exclusively on your childhood or inner life. Make sure that the effects of real-life pressures, such as long commute, children or harassing boss, are dealt with.
18. Shares your basic moral and political values but does not work hard to prove to you how much they are like you (e.g., "I was molested too "). It's okay to ask about the therapist's values.
19. Is flexible about who can be part of therapy. At times, it is helpful to bring your friend/lover, child, or parent with you to therapy.
20. Conducts regular evaluations of progress in therapy, including discussion of treatment plans. Listens to your assessment of what is helpful and what is not during the course of therapy.
21. Takes responsibility for not being effective when therapy does not progress over time. When therapy has not yielded any significant results for a long time, neither blames you nor continues to take your money.
22. Is willing to go over this list with you without being offended or defensive.
Checklist for Choosing a Therapist
1. Seems warm and accepting. Has a sense of humor, however willing to challenge you when necessary.
2. Is emotionally healthy. Seems to feel at ease with himself/herself. Does not seem anxious, arrogant or depressed.
3. Does not suffer from a God complex. Decent, respectful, not condescending. Neither shows off, belittles nor demeans. Check walls for over-abundance or certificates, awards or prizes. Check for excess of jewelry, silver, or gold.
4. Is trained in talk therapy, not just in "pill therapy. " Watch out for someone who offers medication (e.g., Prozac) as the solution to your problems.
5. Accepts and encourages the idea that clients are entitled to shop around for a therapist before they commit. Is willing to talk to you on the phone for at least 10 minutes so you can interview him/her thoroughly.
6. Accepts the idea that consultation or second opinions may be helpful in the course of therapy.
7. Lets you explain your problems, doesn't tell you what they are prematurely or try to fit you into a standardized box (e.g., co-dependent, you have been molested, etc).
8. Is active and engaged. Quit right away if the therapist avoids discussions, does not answer most questions, or pretends to be a "blank wall. " Successful therapy needs ongoing dialogue and authentic relationships.
9. Has more than one clinical orientation and promises to fit his/her approach to your specific problems and not impose his/her pet approach on all patients.
10. Is flexible in terms of what is appropriate and helpful. Contrary to common practice, some clients can benefit from a walk in the park or a home visit; and a touch still has more healing power than volumes of words.
11. Is not rigid or paranoid about seeing you or engaging with you in the community. Accepts that you may bump into each other during religious services, your children's school or on the basketball court. Does not hide behind the professional persona.
12. Presents you with clear office policies, including limits of confidentiality, clients' rights, etc. Read the contract carefully before you sign.
13. Talks to you on the phone in between sessions if necessary.
14. While flexible in many ways, still maintains clear and healthy boundaries. No hugging unless you initiate it, no sexual innuendo, no business offers.
15. Seems professional, knowledgeable, and an expert (writer, teacher, supervisor) and above all competent, human and experienced.
16. Communicates well with parents when treating children and adolescents. A delicate balance must be reached between respecting adolescents' privacy and not keeping parents in the dark.
17. Does not focus exclusively on your childhood or inner life. Make sure that the effects of real-life pressures, such as long commute, children or harassing boss, are dealt with.
18. Shares your basic moral and political values but does not work hard to prove to you how much they are like you (e.g., "I was molested too "). It's okay to ask about the therapist's values.
19. Is flexible about who can be part of therapy. At times, it is helpful to bring your friend/lover, child, or parent with you to therapy.
20. Conducts regular evaluations of progress in therapy, including discussion of treatment plans. Listens to your assessment of what is helpful and what is not during the course of therapy.
21. Takes responsibility for not being effective when therapy does not progress over time. When therapy has not yielded any significant results for a long time, neither blames you nor continues to take your money.
22. Is willing to go over this list with you without being offended or defensive.
I thin one of the problems I had in the past was not realising I could evaluate therapy from any service. So because of that I never entered it as an equal nor with specific goals and characteristics I wanted to achieve or needed to have within my therapy. I was just grateful to have someone to talk to or wanting to be "fixed" so badly that I didnt think to really look at what I needed where I was etc. I think part of that was my age and so didnt feel equal amongst adults..never mind professionals.
I wonder if there could be a list specifically formed for teenagers?
My last session she did an exercise on trust and personal space that involved first finding out where my boundaries were..and then seeing how long I could manage a tiny breach of that personal space. For two reasons really..one being to illustrate how she felt i behaved emotionally. Although the exercise caused me a lot of anxiety I really loved that she was out of the chair and in the moment with me. Felt the most like a partnership since we began 9 months ago.
When I was doing my BA and considering a PhD in psych, I volunteered at a psychiatric hospital doing psych testing. One of the psychologists there asked me what orientation I was going to choose. He nearly had a heart attack when I told him "eclectic" and then gave me a lecture about how I wouldn't get professional respect, there was no discipline in that, and so on.
To me a single orientation is unimaginable. Behavioral techniques make a lot of sense when actual behavior or physiological responses are at issue, but they are of limited value if someone is wrestling with deep questions about the human condition. Behavioralism tends to view the inner life as a sort of epiphenomenon that will sort itself out once we become more "functional". Even when it comes to deep questions there isn't only one way. Some problems are helped by philosophical reflection (candidate for logotherapy?), others are best helped by experiencing and unpacking story, symbol (candidate for Jungian therapy?), and other evocative forms of communication (music therapy? art therapy?). Depth psychology can be really helpful with existential crisis, but it has the opposite limitation as behavioralism: it tends to view behavior as epiphenomenon and thinks our day to day lives will be magically sorted out if all is well in the inner life.
Also, there are differences of personality. Some people are doers and their inner life really does get sorted out when all is well in their relationships and daily routine. Others live in a world of intuition and feeling. If their inner life is disrupted they loose their most important tools for dealing with their outer life.
I think a good therapist needs to be able to take into account the nature of the problem a person is wrestling with and the personality of the client and choose methods and even clients accordingly. Knowing when none of the tools in your toolkit are right for a client is as important as knowing which tool to use.
If you can't evaluate yourself and adapt to a client as things go along etc and be willing to stand up for what you know works...you're never going to be this type of therapist. A lot of the stuff seems natural to my ears...but maybe it isn't. I also think from dealing with trainee counsellors...they can be so afraid to step away from the safety net. To be "radical" The way some of them are taught it is like they have been given the holy grail and to step away from that would be awful practice. When in reality we all know stepping away from the wall persona is endlessly more effective.
My friend was studying to be a counsellor and I would sit among her class mates and think...maybe only one of you is going to be a great therapist. Some came from mental health backgrounds (ie nurse etc) so their professional distance etc was already implanted. Some like my friend cling to the textbook and I cannot tell you the amount of times she has told me she knows my therapist at the time was being unprofessional because it's what she has been taught.
I think they must be taught to not question the methods or something. When I was a psychology student we were taught to question everything...because psychology, therefore therapy, is not an exact science and every generation has a new take on the previous research. Thank god really or we'd all be in mental institutes being given ECT for our depression and anxiety.
Dr. Zur's daughter contacted me and asked to become a friend of mine, and as we were writing back and forth she asked if she could share my own story with her father. I was thrilled! She and her father are both pretty amazing people. Zur has taken a lot of heat from critics who hear his philosophy--that therapists should represent these values--and attack him with innuendo. Yet he persists, and belongs in the company of people like Patch Adams, Dennis Kucinich, Studs Terkel, Howard Zinn, and (the fictional) Hawkeye Pierce.
I got back, "I've never pitied the fool." hahahaha. Oh, silly fishy.
He also said thanks for the vote of confidence and said Matt should put it in his book, lol. Now he's writing material? lol
I ended up having to cancel this week due to work, and he made a point to mention I did it after flattering him, lol. But he also said he was glad I was canceling for work, and not for "other reasons." Psh, whatever Gill! I'm there, sleep or no sleep! Where ya been??