Would you want to say it like you have brown hair...like it is something of barely any significance to you?

Aside from that, I understand your struggle. There was a time when I struggled to whisper my truth to even myself. Mostly when I tell people I have a kind of detachment from it. It sounds very plain but I am bursting with anxiety and insecurity underneath.

What has to happen? I think this will be different for everyone but for me, it was knowing i needed to say it aloud. So I blame Matt; it was his damn idea ;)

Heptet thanks for responding.

I think what I mean by saying it like my having brown hair is it is a statement of fact about myself with no emotional charge to it.

This is a good question I have been thinking about and I think part of the difficulty is that even though you might be able to tell someone you were raped it hard to know what they know or understand about what that word means.

I think it depends on where we are and what context we share, the type of delivery we want. I'm trying to put emotion into my words so I am trying to steer away from making statements of fact. - It is a horrid thing that happened to us; it is only natural to respond to that with emotion...even if instinct wants to shut that down! But if the goal is just getting the word out, I would say concentrate on saying it to yourself and try not to focus on how it sounds :)

I don't think it is something that gets easier, as such. You can disconnect and in that sense it is easier..but when you attach to what that means to you on a personal level, I think it will always be difficult to say. I still say.."my past" with my partner or "that thing that happened". I try not to because i want him to be comfortable with my life as much as he can be...but it is hard sometimes to say rape no matter how much you trust someone.

Catroot,

Yeah, I have no idea what a person might understand or what they might think rape means. I know my experience of it doesn't really look like it did on TV or what others talked about online. I started to think that I was the only one who had this warped situation of staying for almost three years with a guy who TRIGGER WARNING basically used me as a substitute for his own hand.




Heptet,

I agree about the context. I have done several class presentations where I discussed sexual violence / sexual trauma but they were never in connection to myself. They were simply words said as part of an academic assignment. Granted I didn't use the term rape during those presentations. I think I had used sexual assault as that is the legal term in our state.

I agree that it is different for everyone for me I could write it all I wanted but saying it brought so much fear and anxiety. For me I had written it down and then said it in therapy, that was easiest for me because I knew I was somewhere that I would be supported and could break down if I wanted.

After I said it for the first time, it got easier for me up to the point where I could tell my story in front of a group of people. It is has so much anxiety and fear around saying the words but afterwards it really took a lot of stress off of me.