No, it's not out of line at all!

In fact, the group has grown faster than you realize; this group is less than a year old. And while we do have 150+ members, many are not frequently active here. They may not even participate on DS anymore, but their accounts remain (if you check some of the profiles, you'll find that there is no recent activity). A lot of people come to DS, get the support they need, and when refreshed they move on again. Others form friendships here and choose to stay. There are others who are still active on DS, but they tend to be "readers" rather than posters--I get occasional hugs and messages from people here who tell me that they follow this group as a source of inspiration, but don't actively post.

So it all works itself out. The people who are active here are the ones who really have an investment and feel that the group is a resource. That makes for optimal positivity. There are many others who remain here, perhaps in name only, whose activity is in the past. As a result, we're actually not that large a group; we may have a lot of people whose names appear on the roster, but I have always thought of the "group" as those people who collect here to interact, not necessarily those who signed on months ago and never joined in any further. As a result, there is a camaraderie here which any newcomer can enjoy and join in to, without any reluctance about her own "newcomer" status.

I've been catching up on some postings today so I gather there's been a minor issue about people feeling somewhat excluded, or at least not in the know about some of the 'in-comments' between some group members.
I'll start by saying that I don't personally feel excluded, I just see everyone on a HUGE high after the first wilderness retreat (which I hope is the first of many!) - that's a wonderful thing, I just really hope I can get over to the States for next year and meet you all properly. But I can also see how at the moment this board could look somewhat bewildering to a new member.

Speaking from my own offline experience, it's not helpful to deny the issue or say 'there's no clique here' if someone is feeling excluded - my ex tried that approach with me about the little 'in-crowd' that he spent most of his time with. Now *maybe* he was just trying to be reassuring, but all it achieved was to deny the validity of my feelings, and also to increase my feeling of alienation and resentment.
As later events proved, within that particular group it turned out that there was quite a toxic brew of gossip, schoolboy politics and bed-hopping games going on between a number of them - I'm certainly NOT suggesting that there's anything like this going on in this group (!) I'm offering this up as a cautionary tale of what can happen in the worst case scenario. I'm just suggesting that if there is any feeling of 'exclusivity', it's probably healthier to air it and discuss it rather than simply saying "oh, but nobody means it to be like that." (And I am quite sure that it is not intended at all.)

I'm certainly NOT grudging anyone the things that have been achieved by the retreat, I think even for those of us who weren't there it's really helped to make this group feel like something quite special is happening. Perhaps we just need to be mindful of the way some threads go, to make sure that the floor remains open for newcomers to add their piece?

Just my thoughts on the subject, I hope it provides some fresh food for thought/discussion!

I agree, it is important that new members are able to join and not feel put off by certain posts...I guess, because I know I'm one of the older members here, what id like to hear is how we can make new members feel more comfortable. I really want to do the best I can! I am however lacking my own ideas in that department, so id really appreciate suggestions too.

One thing I have noticed lately, and I just see that as being part of the 'buzz' from everyone who's been on the retreat, is that there have been a lot of in-jokes between friends on a lot of the threads - I think that was always there to a limited extent but it's become much more noticeable recently.
I'm expecting that to calm down naturally over time - but as I mentioned above, at the moment it probably is going to be quite bewildering for anyone who's recently joined.

On the positive side, seeing and hearing everything about the retreat feels a lot like watching history in the making; I do feel that there's an important cultural shift happening here, society has spent too long treating sexual violence as 'not something we like to talk about'. So I hope that in future years, we're going to see a new grassroots movement taking place where similar events are organised worldwide (and if this does happen, I seriously hope they don't end up becoming some monotonous money-making venture!)

Yeah there are a lot of inside jokes, I agree. I don't, however, want people to think that those are only because of the retreat...I don't want the retreat to become something resented. There are those jokes that were created at the retreat, but there are also ones created just by continued relationships. I would hate to see the retreat become a scapegoat. Would it make others more comfortable if there were less jokes on the boards...?

I honestly don't think the retreats will become a source of resentment, even those of us who weren't there can see that something significant is happening.
I'm just suggesting that the odd in-joke is fine, whereas a thread comprising a full page or more of them could be off-putting to some people :)

Okay...I will try to do better about that then personally. Any other suggestions?

I don't know, I suppose the main thing is just being aware of others' presence, and the fact that new members won't necessarily know everyones' background story.

The last thing I want to do is take away from the support and the occasional laughter that we all need from time to time; I think all things considered, it's completely natural that there's been a lot of these in-jokes and I'm not seriously worried about it in the bigger picture.

In any case, moving on to more positive things - after the retreat's been running successfully for a few more years, perhaps a good long-term project for this group might be to consider some safe guidelines for people to organise their own events in other parts of the world?
I promise I'm not asking Matt to sit down and devise something tonight lol! But as a more long-term goal - I'm talking over the next few years - it's something that might be worth considering?

I just want to say thanks to everyone who has respondd to this post. Empowered, its interesting to know that the group is not as large as i maybe thoughtand that my post is not too out of line! Phonix I aprreciate your coments and think you have managed to express yourself very clearly and much clearer than I seem to manage to! and Shadow boxer I aprreciate you openness to this discussion and your interest in the newcomer in AA they refer to the newcomer as being the most important member of the group and i think that is a deeper concept than it first appears to be I think it maintains the integrity and compassion in the group.

yeah sorry to go back almost 2 months to find all this, i know you want to live inyour bubble so go for it

You DO realize that all you're doing by throwing this tantrum is showing us that we are right to want a private group to have fun in without fear of persecution right? O ok good just making sure.

With all due respect, the overall tone of this thread expresses an openness and welcoming consensus of RAR, which had even resulted in the giving of thanks for interests in newcomers. As for its relevance to the proposal of a "second group", please let me reiterate that I have not proposed that group, but my understanding from what I have read is that its intent is to separate topics, not memberships, so that RAR members would have a forum for casual discussion and in-depth of personal issues that don't fall expressly under the "rape trauma" focus of RAR.