Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
There have been some workmen at my house for several days. I've been fairly calm considering there are strange guys in my house and I'm basically alone with them while they are working. They seem to be nice enough and I stay out of their way and they stay out of mine. The strange part for me is that although I haven't really felt that I was unsafe, I realized that one of the places they were working they might have run into healing books or old victim's compensation statements. Of course the statements were in a box, probably other under papers so not very visible but for some reason the fact that they might think something had happened to me was more unsettling than having strange guys in the house anyway.
On some level it feels a bit like progress that I can feel ok alone in the house with four strange guys and not be in a total panic that something bad will happen. But at the same time I feel so uneasy that they could find out about what happened by inferring it through books and such.
This has just been on my mind and I wanted to talk about it.
On some level it feels a bit like progress that I can feel ok alone in the house with four strange guys and not be in a total panic that something bad will happen. But at the same time I feel so uneasy that they could find out about what happened by inferring it through books and such.
This has just been on my mind and I wanted to talk about it.
As for the books. I think that is okay. I understand the anxiety behind them finding them or seeing them. I don't know what kind of guys they are, but I am guessing that they would be respectful towards you, since they are working for you, or I hope they would. Outside of that, maybe it is something they need to see, chances are they know a woman or two, whom might also have some of those books or need them. If they are not respectful, then I would report them to their boss. Hope all goes well.
Hugs!
This thing about you being more concerned about the men knowing about your trauma than them being in your house sounds like a doorway to something important. Hang in there.
Glad you're getting your house fixed! Hope they're doing a good job for you!
Sometimes, for me, i get this feeling of utter vulnerability and like if people knew this thing about me then they would see me as an easy target for themselves. Or generally they would think i was weak. I guess its a little bit of shame and a little bit of fear that drives that. I'm not overly concerned these days with people seeing the RAR book and LTS takes up a place of pride (though im not always upfront that i contributed).
These days I hide my healing from CSA books. I'm mostly scared of the questions...though i have a back up answer because of my internet abuse. If im asked who by people i cannot be more honest with then i mention that.
I think youve made huge progress! Whenever I have workmen at the house i spend he entire time in a state of hyper arousal and flitting between watching them like a hawk so i cant be crept up on and leaving them to it because being in their presence freaks me too. I feel bad about it because, you know, not all men are rapists.
I really wish it was acceptable to kinda great people with..hey i know youre probably not a rapist, but you might be so until i trust you more, im gonna be the crazy lady who stares you down but makes you cups of tea :D