Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
I was looking back at posts from early on and came across this passage that EmpoweredOKC wrote:
**When a woman has a flashback, it's a HUGE mistake for a therapist not to explore it directly with her. What often happens instead is that she (the rape victim) becomes panicked and perhaps even angry, wants her therapist (or others) to relieve her of the distress, and flees the distress. What should happen instead is that the intensity of the flashback is a clue that something very significant has been discovered, and needs to be revealed, examined, and finished. This CANNOT happen if either person--the victim or the therapist--is so uncomfortable with difficult sensations that they avoid these clues and withdraw from them. When that happens, you're in for endless sessions with the same therapist going on and on, and at year five you're still just as afraid of your feelings as in week one, and you're also still just as startled by flashbacks. **
What do you do when the flashback happens in a time that you can't really deal with it and examine what is there? Typically if I am having problems it is when I'm driving or at the store and this intense fear takes over me no sounds, no noises no visual cues just complete fear that takes over and all I want to do is get back grounded enough to do what I need to do without driving off the road or causing and accident or screaming (or hiding in the corner somewhere) in the grocery store. I've had a public meltdown once and it wasn't pleasant for me or the security guard who was trying to figure out what to do with me.
Typically after I calm down , I can't tap into those feelings again when it's "safe" to process them.
Unless whatever it is I experience in the car or the store isn't a flashback but something else that I don't have a name for.
**When a woman has a flashback, it's a HUGE mistake for a therapist not to explore it directly with her. What often happens instead is that she (the rape victim) becomes panicked and perhaps even angry, wants her therapist (or others) to relieve her of the distress, and flees the distress. What should happen instead is that the intensity of the flashback is a clue that something very significant has been discovered, and needs to be revealed, examined, and finished. This CANNOT happen if either person--the victim or the therapist--is so uncomfortable with difficult sensations that they avoid these clues and withdraw from them. When that happens, you're in for endless sessions with the same therapist going on and on, and at year five you're still just as afraid of your feelings as in week one, and you're also still just as startled by flashbacks. **
What do you do when the flashback happens in a time that you can't really deal with it and examine what is there? Typically if I am having problems it is when I'm driving or at the store and this intense fear takes over me no sounds, no noises no visual cues just complete fear that takes over and all I want to do is get back grounded enough to do what I need to do without driving off the road or causing and accident or screaming (or hiding in the corner somewhere) in the grocery store. I've had a public meltdown once and it wasn't pleasant for me or the security guard who was trying to figure out what to do with me.
Typically after I calm down , I can't tap into those feelings again when it's "safe" to process them.
Unless whatever it is I experience in the car or the store isn't a flashback but something else that I don't have a name for.
I do totally get the need to deal with flashbacks too, but as you so rightly say, they come at all sorts of times.
I'd love to know the answer!!
Would it be to try to talk about it in all its fullness the next time we are at the pond?
My journey of healing started very much on the intellectual side. When I couldn't access the emotions and I was emotionally shut off back then, the only option was to heal the thinking side of me. That has provided a great deal of healing and peace. Healing the thoughts and creating understanding has given me the ability to self monitor.
I can feel my feelings but I do tend to stay in my head quite a bit. Perhaps I will start by examining the situation in the car and/ or store and list out all the thoughts and feelings about what typically happens in the lead up to one of those episodes and maybe I can gather some insight into why it is so distressing.