Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
When I was very young I wanted to be Wonder Woman. She was tough yet pretty and could kick butt. I even tried to color these white plastic clip on earrings I had with red with a crayon so I could have ones like she did. It didn't work out so well but I tried. Early on I was all about being the tough girl who could beat the guys in her gym class at arm wresting and I actually liked the fact that I could. I wasn't all frilly and "girly" and that was just fine with me.
As I grew up I seemed to loose some of that toughness or at least that it was acceptable to be that way. The guys got stronger and I met my match one day in 7th grade when I kicked a guy in the shins for something he did or said I don't really remember what led me to my kicking him but I was rapidly shoved face first by said guy into a metal door. I didn't cry although it hurt a lot. I didn't want to seem weak in front of my friends. I realized that I wasn't so strong anymore and that kicking guys can get you hurt.
This isn't exactly the Hermione / Bella issue but I found myself with a realization a few days ago. I was watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer , the TV series, and as I watched one of the earlier episodes I'd see her come up against these evil creatures and in the moments it looked like she was near death I was looking for Angel (one of the other characters) to appear out of nowhere to come save the day. He didn't and she managed to kick butt all on her on. She didn't need to be saved by some guy, she didn't need anyone to save her. She was quite capable of taking care of herself. Over time she needed help from others as anyone might but in that one instance I started to question why I couldn't see her as being capable of kicking butt all on her own. Why was I waiting for her to be saved by someone else?
Does anyone else find themselves in this sort of conflict?
As I grew up I seemed to loose some of that toughness or at least that it was acceptable to be that way. The guys got stronger and I met my match one day in 7th grade when I kicked a guy in the shins for something he did or said I don't really remember what led me to my kicking him but I was rapidly shoved face first by said guy into a metal door. I didn't cry although it hurt a lot. I didn't want to seem weak in front of my friends. I realized that I wasn't so strong anymore and that kicking guys can get you hurt.
This isn't exactly the Hermione / Bella issue but I found myself with a realization a few days ago. I was watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer , the TV series, and as I watched one of the earlier episodes I'd see her come up against these evil creatures and in the moments it looked like she was near death I was looking for Angel (one of the other characters) to appear out of nowhere to come save the day. He didn't and she managed to kick butt all on her on. She didn't need to be saved by some guy, she didn't need anyone to save her. She was quite capable of taking care of herself. Over time she needed help from others as anyone might but in that one instance I started to question why I couldn't see her as being capable of kicking butt all on her own. Why was I waiting for her to be saved by someone else?
Does anyone else find themselves in this sort of conflict?
Also, I think it depends which side of the box you're looking from. Being helped at the last minute doesn't necessarily mean a difference between saving yourself and being saved. Help has to come at the right time so, essentially, we always save ourselves. We reject advice or physical help if we are not ready for it. We choose when we allow people to help.
Buffy could have been ferociously stubborn willed and pushed all of her helpers away. Would she have got very far? Probably not.
But I believe the difference between Bella and hermione is not their ability to take action (Bella is actually very capable when faced with protecting others) but in their mindsets. Bella always looks to be saved and singles out the people that can do it. She isolates herself from any other path that would lead to healing because it does not fit the model she creates. Hermione is strong witted and physically capable but she doesn't over/underestimate her abilities. She accepts help from any available and useful source. She saves herself time and time again by opening herself up to all avenues. She makes good decisions instead of becoming helpless and victim like to get her way. She doesn't manipulate events with destructive behaviours (re: Bella engaging in destructive, potentially fatal activities to gain attention from Edward)
I ramble ...
@Heptet -- It's good rambling :) I think I will be thinking over these two pieces: She isolates herself from any other path that would lead to healing because it does not fit the model she creates. and She saves herself time and time again by opening herself up to all avenues.