I would be upset too. it's one thing to indicate that someone seems to have really good coping skills or made a lot of progress but to tell you that you should be over it, that's harsh.

I'm sorry you ended up with someone who doesn't really understand how trauma works.

It was brave to reach out for help and I'm sorry you got that reaction from her.

Some rape crisis centers provide free counseling services, maybe that might be an option if affording out of pocket treatment with another therapist is an issue.

Man, this is EXACTLY what I was talking about in the RAR book about counselors who have no training or understanding of trauma, except for their own opinions. Those people ought not to be counseling. Would this counselor have dared to say that to a combat veteran? I've said it before and I'll say it again: too often, the real counseling starts AFTER the client has educated their own therapist about trauma issues!

That sucks! I'm sorry she's such a dolt of a counselor, I'd be upset too.

I hope you find someone better who is affordable.

Thanks everyone.. yeah it's hard enought to build up the will to even go and then to have that happen.......frustrating!!!!!

Banffgal,

Aside from her apparent ignorance did you feel any connection to her at all? Is she open to being educated and is that something you want to do?

My first therapist knew nothing about working with survivors, but she was willing to learn; plus she had other things going for her--she was a good therapist with an open mind, gentle heart and much compassion. I stayed with her until I felt the need for something more.

The last therapist I saw had many tools to help me, but tools alone are not enough. For me, it's about good listening skills and connection...and then the tools.

If you're not to up to educating her perhaps the crisis centers or calling around for the names of skilled therapists who work on a sliding scale.

xx
SuzA

I'm sorry that you ended up with an ignorant person who didn't even let you say anything before shooting you down and invalidating what you are feeling right now.

I can also understand if you don't want to see her because of her attitude toward you. Honestly, I wouldn't be very interested in going back. I think I would harbour ill feelings toward her because of her brashness and lack of willingness to even listen to you before passing judgement. That would make it very hard for me to educate someone. For me, they at least have to be willing to listen before I attempt to educate them, and that's not the impression I got from your post.

Can you ask the insurance company what the out-of-pocket cost would be for an out-of-network therapist? They may be willing to cover part of the cost, and it definitely doesn't hurt to ask.

I hope it works out that you can see a therapist that is willing to work with you and not pass judgement just from reading a piece of paper without even letting you say anything.

I'm really really sorry you got a counselor who doesn't understand. Lately there's a huge emphasis on short-term counseling, no matter what the circumstances. Insurance companies will only allow a particular number of visits. That kind of approach isn't helpful at all in sexual assault counseling. I really hope you don't let her comment make you feel like you are taking too long to get over it. Everybody has their own timetable, and nobody can tell you how long to take. It depends on so many factors, including the severity of what happened, how it effected you, the support you had at the time and since then, etc, etc. It's not like you cut your arm, you got stiches, you get the stitches out next week and then you're done. You know yourself much better than that counselor does, and you can trust yourself to know how you're doing and when you need support. I was raped over 40 years ago, and I'm not "over it" yet. I think of it as a healing continuum.
Sometimes counselors say the wrong things because of their training, agenda, or because of a lack of understanding. She just have somebody who isn't capable of helping you. You might give her some feedback indicating that you found her advice to be counter-productive. Counselors could use some feedback when they're using approaches that are likely to be hurtful to their clients. It would be good if they would at least recognize that they aren't well-trained in sexual assault counseling so they hopefully could refer you to somebody who is.
I'm new to this website, and I love it. We're all here for each other because we all understand that sometimes you need support, special support, that you can't necessarily find elsewhere, even from well-meaning friends, family, and professionals.
There are also good books that can help guide you through healing. I'm working my way through Resurrection After Rape, and I'm finding it to be more helpful than any counseling I've had, or training I've been through. It's systematic, caring, and pragmatic, and it's written with love. That may seem odd, but to me, it's very reassuring to know that the person who put this book together did it with love and respect. You can read that book for free at Matt Atkinson's website, resurrectionafterrape.org. That site also has links to websites where you can chat online, or call a hotline if you're in crisis. After trying several counselors over the years with very mixed results, I would be hesitant to go out and try my luck with a new one. I think it's up to all of us survivors to figure out what we need, to whom we can turn for help, and how to take care of each other.
I hope for everything good for you on the rest of your healing journey.

Thanks everyone for your comments. Yes my first counsellor in banff did help me though the roughest patch but my second biggest help has For sure been this website. Being able to chat and learn from everyone on here who is supportive and not judgmental. Makes me feel not alone

Xx

This is a great place to be. We are glad that you found us!

Hi Banffgirl. I’m not on this forum much anymore and just popped in for a moment to see what everyone’s up to. Hi everyone!!! It’s a small world, I live in Canmore and have had experience with several therapists in the Bow Valley – mostly in Canmore. Are you still living in Banff? There are a few therapists in town that really don’t understand trauma. I’m a sexual abuse survivor and have BIG problems establishing trust safety. As well I’m easily re-traumatized. It took me years to figure out what was happening to me in therapy with no thanks to therapists who were telling me therapy was “hard”.

I friended you if you want to privately message me I’ll tell you who to steer clear of, though it sounds like you’ve found someone you can work with. I found success with one therapist who I’ve been with for four years. She seems to understand trauma and helped me find stability. I'm still a bit of mess but I cope better than I have for years now thanks to her. There's also free counselling available here so you're not limited by your work coverage.

Sorry don't know why I said this --- "though it sounds like you’ve found someone you can work with" --- when your post was about the difficulty you're having now. Wish we could edit....

One thing that upsets me with bad counseling is that a lot of people don't know they've had bad counseling, and when the stuff fails they internalize it as somehow THEIR weakness. I don't like it when clients fail and blame counselors, and I don't like it when counselors fail and clients blame themselves. I'm really impressed with your internal compass, that you were so able to identify the failure as being inept counseling and not some flaw in yourself!